The guard checked my driver’s license in the computer, waved a wand over my body, and motioned for me to join the others inside the gates. I was inside San Quentin prison, a California State Prison near San Rafael. The environment was so strange: the guards in big boots with guns, the stark surroundings, and the nauseating smells of the kitchen area. The gloomy, towering ceilings of the dining hall were covered with hundreds of chirping birds, which swooped down to the floor at times. Sitting at the large steel tables, each with four steel stools attached, you never knew when a bird might drop something on you.

Aside from the strange environment, I thoroughly enjoyed my day inside the prison. It was the third day of the Victim-Offender Education Group (VOEG) Facilitator Training Program through Insight Prison Project. The first two days we spent learning the VOEG curriculum in the classroom, and then inside the prison we got to experience the incredible results of the curriculum. There were twenty of us, and twenty prisoners, who they called the “men in blue” (since they were all wearing blue shirts), and we all sat in a circle and introduced ourselves. This particular group of prisoners had already been through the entire VOEG curriculum, and they were excited to share their experiences with us. They told us that they had been looking forward to us coming, and that it meant so much to them that people on the outside care about them. I’m teary as I type that.

Throughout the day, the men in blue explained the curriculum to us, by reading us an assortment of written homework assignments that they had completed as part of the work in their groups. This amazing curriculum, assembled by Rochelle Edwards/Insight Prison Project, requires the men to go through an extensive process of understanding how their childhood traumas and abuses shaped their past and the choices they made. The curriculum demands that they not only admit guilt to the crime that they came to prison for, but that they also hold themselves accountable for the impact that their crime had on their victims, on the victim’s families, on their own families, and on themselves.

Through this rigorous self-growth process, the men begin to understand how to recognize their own emotional states and how to take steps towards self-forgiveness. After working for nearly five months in their weekly group with ten people including the facilitator, the program brings in a panel of victims. The offenders read their crime impact statements and the victims read their victim impact statements, and in keeping with the philosophy of restorative justice, there is an invitation for healing to occur. Forgiveness is never required, though it sometimes happens spontaneously when the offenders and victims gain insight into the internal experiences of each other.

I was so inspired listening to the men in blue talk and witnessing their open hearts. So many of them talked about wanting to get out so that they can give back to society. Many feel especially inspired to help the youths. One man, who is a Zen Buddhist and sits in meditation each morning and each evening, just like I do, told me that if he had gone through a program like this when he was thirteen, then he wouldn’t be in prison today.

I have always believed that people can and do transform their lives for the better, and that day in San Quentin Prison proved my belief beyond any doubts. It was truly amazing to see how the VOEG curriculum works: how it holds the men accountable for their crimes, and gives them the skills necessary to understand the choices they made, AND how it teaches them the ability of witnessing themselves so that they can make new and different choices now and in the future.

I felt so comfortable talking with the men in blue. At the end of the day, I felt sad to leave. I felt the open-heartedness of the men in blue – I felt their willingness to learn and grow and change. I felt their sincerity and their love for each other and for us.

I feel really inspired to offer this curriculum soon. Since I don’t live near a large prison, perhaps I will offer it at a county jail or a youth center or a rehabilitation center.

There are so many broken lives – lives broken by poverty, drugs, despair, mental illness, and so on. I endeavor to be of service… to help bring opportunities for healing to more of these broken lives.

When it was time for the men in blue to return to their quarters, the guard checked us out. I walked out to my car noticing how free I was to go where I pleased. I turned around and took a photo of the prison. As I drove through San Rafael, I thought, ‘Whoa, reality check! I just shook hands with twenty men who have committed murder!’ I understand that I thought that because it was my first time inside a prison, but you know, not once did I think of those men as murderers when I was with them. All day long, I just felt so connected with everyone at the heart level, and I appreciated our shared humanity.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of San Quentin Prison by Teja Shankara.