On June 26^th, I posted a blog article (“Release!”) about my process of releasing all expectations and griefs that I have placed on any forms of the masculine. Very soon after writing that article, I became aware that I needed to not only release expectations and griefs that I had placed on external forms of the masculine, but I also needed to release all the expectations that I had put on my internal masculine. I reflected on how much I expected of my own masculine, and I saw that while my masculine side completely bowed to my feminine side, it was not a reciprocal bowing! My feminine side was completely frustrated with my masculine side and refused to bow to it.

In one of her teachings, Amma says the following about the unity of the masculine and feminine:

“By the merging of man and woman, Mother doesn’t mean on the physical level….Women and men contain both elements…. The woman is unaware of the masculinity within her and searches for it on the outside, in a man. Likewise, the man doesn’t try to nourish the qualities of forgiveness, compassion, and affection that lie hidden within him. He imagines they are to be found only in a woman. Both men and women should awaken the complementary powers and capacities within themselves. Completeness is the union of the masculine and feminine elements within ourselves…. Only through this inner union can we experience limitless bliss. The aim of brahmacharya is to realize that both the male and female aspects are contained within us, and that the nature of our true Self transcends any such duality.”

(Lead Us to the Light: A Collection of the Teachings of Mata Amritanandamayi, Compiled by Swami Jnanamritananda, M.A. Center, San Ramon, CA, 2002.)

After realizing that I was seeking union with the masculine outside of myself largely because I was unhappy with the masculine element within myself, I set the intention to seek harmony and balance with my inner masculine and feminine elements. Taking the brahmacharya celibacy vow for at least six months, I endeavor to focus within and find the true Bliss that comes from uniting Shiva and Shakti internally. Lalla, naked mystic of medieval Kashmir, sang of that internal Union:

I, Lalla, entered the jasmine garden,
where Shiva and Shakti were making love.

I dissolved into them,
and what is this
to me, now?

I seem to be here,
but really I’m walking
in the jasmine garden.

(Lalla: Naked Song, translations by Coleman Barks, Maypop Publishing.)

May all beings know the Bliss of Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

The Lovers image by Mara~ earth light, CC license