Today is my Grandma’s 96^th birthday. I celebrate her birth and I joyfully acknowledge all the wonderful ways she has enriched my life with her humor, enthusiasm, brightness, and love. I attribute my positive attitude and cheerfulness to her example and guidance.

A few months ago, I had a dream that something intense would happen on October 10^th. The next day, as I reflected on the dream, I realized that the date to look for intensities would be 10-10-10… So when that date arrived, I watched for intensities, but nothing happened… or so I thought. Then, a few days later, I received an email from my parents saying that my Grandma had fallen down on 10-10-10. She didn’t break any bones, but she injured her hip and had to be in a wheelchair for a few weeks, which required family members to stay with her around the clock.

During that time, I began focusing on death at the Monday evening Radiance Rising Circles. I gave a writing assignment on the topic, and it was very touching to hear what people wrote about death.

Inspired by a dream I had, in which my Grandma was holding me, I wrote and shared the following poem with the circle:

held in warm embrace
by living grandmother.
resting in deep love
yet witnessing underlying fear –
what if she dies this night
and i awaken
in the cold arms of death?

as her soul reaches mine
through dream space,
i realize i am more
afraid of her death
than my own –
what would death be for me
when it’s All Shiva, here or there….

but when she leaves
i won’t hear her living voice anymore
and I will have to once again
endure the grief
of parting.

Tejaswini says have faith!
Kali will cut through
all these attachments
and Shiva will burn them
to ashes.

I often talk with my sons (ages 10 and 13) about the delicate balance between really, really, really loving people, places, and things, AND not being too attached to those people, places, and things. As I celebrate my Grandma’s birth and life, I also witness myself fearing her death. There is such a bittersweet beauty here on this earth.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja in park by Teja Shankara.