The guard checked my driver’s license in the computer, waved a wand over my body, and motioned for me to join the others inside the gates. I was inside San Quentin prison, a California State Prison near San Rafael. The environment was so strange: the guards in big boots with guns, the stark surroundings, and the nauseating smells of the kitchen area. The gloomy, towering ceilings of the dining hall were covered with hundreds of chirping birds, which swooped down to the floor at times. Sitting at the large steel tables, each with four steel stools attached, you never knew when a bird might drop something on you.

Aside from the strange environment, I thoroughly enjoyed my day inside the prison. It was the third day of the Victim-Offender Education Group (VOEG) Facilitator Training Program through Insight Prison Project. The first two days we spent learning the VOEG curriculum in the classroom, and then inside the prison we got to experience the incredible results of the curriculum. There were twenty of us, and twenty prisoners, who they called the “men in blue” (since they were all wearing blue shirts), and we all sat in a circle and introduced ourselves. This particular group of prisoners had already been through the entire VOEG curriculum, and they were excited to share their experiences with us. They told us that they had been looking forward to us coming, and that it meant so much to them that people on the outside care about them. I’m teary as I type that.

Throughout the day, the men in blue explained the curriculum to us, by reading us an assortment of written homework assignments that they had completed as part of the work in their groups. This amazing curriculum, assembled by Rochelle Edwards/Insight Prison Project, requires the men to go through an extensive process of understanding how their childhood traumas and abuses shaped their past and the choices they made. The curriculum demands that they not only admit guilt to the crime that they came to prison for, but that they also hold themselves accountable for the impact that their crime had on their victims, on the victim’s families, on their own families, and on themselves.

Through this rigorous self-growth process, the men begin to understand how to recognize their own emotional states and how to take steps towards self-forgiveness. After working for nearly five months in their weekly group with ten people including the facilitator, the program brings in a panel of victims. The offenders read their crime impact statements and the victims read their victim impact statements, and in keeping with the philosophy of restorative justice, there is an invitation for healing to occur. Forgiveness is never required, though it sometimes happens spontaneously when the offenders and victims gain insight into the internal experiences of each other.

I was so inspired listening to the men in blue talk and witnessing their open hearts. So many of them talked about wanting to get out so that they can give back to society. Many feel especially inspired to help the youths. One man, who is a Zen Buddhist and sits in meditation each morning and each evening, just like I do, told me that if he had gone through a program like this when he was thirteen, then he wouldn’t be in prison today.

I have always believed that people can and do transform their lives for the better, and that day in San Quentin Prison proved my belief beyond any doubts. It was truly amazing to see how the VOEG curriculum works: how it holds the men accountable for their crimes, and gives them the skills necessary to understand the choices they made, AND how it teaches them the ability of witnessing themselves so that they can make new and different choices now and in the future.

I felt so comfortable talking with the men in blue. At the end of the day, I felt sad to leave. I felt the open-heartedness of the men in blue – I felt their willingness to learn and grow and change. I felt their sincerity and their love for each other and for us.

I feel really inspired to offer this curriculum soon. Since I don’t live near a large prison, perhaps I will offer it at a county jail or a youth center or a rehabilitation center.

There are so many broken lives – lives broken by poverty, drugs, despair, mental illness, and so on. I endeavor to be of service… to help bring opportunities for healing to more of these broken lives.

When it was time for the men in blue to return to their quarters, the guard checked us out. I walked out to my car noticing how free I was to go where I pleased. I turned around and took a photo of the prison. As I drove through San Rafael, I thought, ‘Whoa, reality check! I just shook hands with twenty men who have committed murder!’ I understand that I thought that because it was my first time inside a prison, but you know, not once did I think of those men as murderers when I was with them. All day long, I just felt so connected with everyone at the heart level, and I appreciated our shared humanity.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of San Quentin Prison by Teja Shankara.

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Each week I pick an angel card, and it is amazing how often the quality fits exactly with what I’m going through that week. Take this week, for example. I am working to release a very big pattern from my life, consciously focusing on breathing and releasing… and I picked “Release”!  (Angel cards, by Kathy Tyler and Joy Drake, Narada Productions, Inc., Milwaukee, WI, 1981.)

After twenty years of trying unsuccessfully to get what I want from the Universe (in the way of a perfect Sita-Ram union with an earthly man), I’ve decided to lay down the “dream” and be free of the disappointments I inevitably experience at every turn. I am intending to finally release the last bits of the addictive love pattern that I wrote about in my memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, by my pen name, Rita Ann Shankara. Rather than continuing this madness of seeking the union with someone outside of myself, I have decided to renounce the search altogether and relax into the inner Union with my beloved husband, Lord Shiva.

My dear friend Thomas does not believe me, and he is encouraging me to take a neutral stance on this matter. While I appreciate his feedback, I have recently become aware that if I continue to allow myself to indulge in these lilas with the masculine, I will most likely not be celebrating too many more birthdays! The strain of the intensity of grief from this past year alone has taken its toll, and my body is telling me clearly – through shouting methods – that it’s time to stop this pattern.

I do understand the value in finding a nonattached, neutral attitude on the matter, so I will intend to reach that state soon. For now though, I release all expectations and griefs that I’ve put onto any forms of the masculine, and I endeavor to walk alone… with deep breathing… and lots of laughing.

I am feeling incredible freedom already. From this healing process of release, I am experiencing a warm, radiant self-love that is tingling throughout my cells. 

Release, release, release!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of yellow rose and release card by Teja Shankara.

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The Tejaswini Playground Press

Photo by Ashley Marie - CC license

We create our realities with our thoughts. Cultivating the witness, that part of our minds that objectively watches everything we are, allows us to clearly see all of our thoughts. Through the power of watching our thoughts, we gradually change the way we perceive the world. We shift from viewing the world as a serious court of justice to seeing this universe as a joyous playground. Like gleeful children, we get to play and celebrate during this lifetime we've been given. On the playground we enjoy ourselves fully, even if sometimes we scrape our knees or get our hearts broken! No matter what pains we go through, we can't let the heartbreaks keep us from opening up and having a good time on the playground.

Here is a bit of news from the fun I'm having lately on the Tejaswini Playground ~

~ Well, I’ve been having so much fun that I’m way behind on sending out this June newsletter! So much has happened since I last wrote on May 14^th. In this newsletter I will share the highlights and then I’ll write more in depth about it all in a series of blog posts. Speaking of the Teja Blog, I am now posting these monthly newsletters on the blog as a way to share them with more people and also as a way to archive them on-line.

~ The first week of June I attended a training in San Rafael through the Insight Prison Project. We learned a curriculum to use when facilitating groups of offenders and victims, and we spent a whole day inside San Quentin Prison. Watch for a blog about this experience. It was totally inspiring!

~ When the prison training ended I headed to see Ammachi for a few days. Amma tours the U.S. twice each year, and her main center is in Castro Valley, just outside of San Ramon, California. (www.amma.org) This was one of my most potent and memorable experiences with Amma. I will be writing more about it on the Teja Blog soon. The highlight was Amma giving me an apple!

~ While at Amma’s ashram, I meditated on a health issue, and received guidance to see Dr. Paul Romanoff, a chiropractor who offers sessions at the ashram when Amma is there. The healing sessions with him were amazing, and he recommended that I continue the healing process in Ashland with Dr. Mike Young, a local chiropractor. For the past two weeks my focus has been on healing at the physical level: spending lots of time in the sunshine, breathing, and releasing a charge of energy that I’ve held inside for a while now. I feel super grateful for this healing journey of release.

~ While gone on my trip south, I really missed the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, and I was so happy to return to them! One of the attendees said that he felt like mommy was back! I said it must’ve been Amma coming through me. :)

~ I’m still reading The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic, by Ramesh Menon. I’m on page 458 of 686 pages, and I’ve been immersed in the gory stories of the war for a while now… 65 more pages of the war to go, and I am really ready to be through with that part! I am noticing my discomfort with conflict and with violence in general, and reading through it anyway. They say that reading or hearing the Ramayana purifies and cleanses the soul, and I am definitely experiencing that. What a blessing.

~ Here is one of my favorite quotes that I heard Amma say this time:

Be like flowers – flowers have so many good qualities, and they have no pride and no ego.

~ July 21-26, I will be offering workshops at the Mystic Garden Party in Corning, California. See my listing under the Devotional Dome at this link: http://mysticgardenparty.com/workshops/all-bios/

~ Lastly, if you haven’t yet seen the hilarious videos of my friend Pete and I giving each other  buzz cuts, be sure to treat yourself to that entertainment soon! www.buzz-for-bliss.com

May you enjoy the spicy summer playground of your life.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

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As I was driving into Ammachi’s Castro Valley ashram (the M.A. Center) in June, 2008, I was singing along with a Krishna Das chant to Sita-Ram-Hanuman, and with the passion of a red-hot fire, I said firmly, out loud, “I want to live inside the chant.” Those words startled me, for a few reasons, and I immediately burst into tears.

The tears flowed as I parked my car in the meadow and headed up the hill to see Amma. I was crying because it was such a relief to admit out loud what it was that I really wanted for my life. I was also crying because I knew that it meant the end of my current relationship, because that was not the same kind of life that he wanted. For weeks I had been wrestling with the question: ‘are we spiritually aligned to stay together?’ The part of me that was really in love with him wanted to find the yes answer, so that part of me grieved when it heard me say definitively, “I want to live inside the chant.”

What does living inside the chant mean? For me, it means putting my spiritual practices at the top of my daily list. Meditation, mantra japa, and chanting (singing) are my pathways to Bliss. They are what bring me into a state of Union with my own beloved heart. So when I said that I wanted to live inside the chant, I meant that I could no longer put anything else before my connection with God. That is my primary connection, and when I keep that connection sacred at the top of my priority list, then everything else magically and effortlessly falls into place.

The knowingness that I realized about living inside the chant stems from a deep lifelong devotion. Last summer a friend told me that I had the same chocolate center of devotion as Bhagavan Das. At the time, I felt touched by my friend saying that, but I didn’t fully understand it. Recently though, I contemplated the thread of my lifelong devotion, and I understood what my friend was saying. Like Bhagavan Das, I have journeyed through several spiritual paths this lifetime. I was Catholic until age 23, and I totally loved it – all that fragrant incense, and colorful stained glass images, and a quiet place to pray – I never once complained about going to church!

My second path was Judaism for ten years, during which time I also studied Native American, Buddhist, Daoist, and Muslim traditions. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about them all. Then, at age 33, I suddenly felt drawn to India, Hinduism, and the Yoga Path. I met an American spiritual teacher, who taught me so much during our brief six years together (he died July 21, 2009), and through him I learned much about the pathways to Bliss. While studying with him I was drawn to Neem Karoli Baba and to Amma, and took them both as my Gurus.

The thread that has been consistent through all of the paths is the same thread that has been consistent through Bhagavan Das’ paths, and that thread is an intensity of devotion. From a little Catholic girl in the church pew to a yogini in Amma’s arms, I am ever intensely devoted to nurturing my connection with God.

This connection with the Divine (or whatever you call that Something Greater) manifests in billions of ways here on this beautiful planet earth. Whatever ways it manifests for you, may they be blessed.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of bee on flower by Richard Broderick – CC license

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A necessary component in achieving happiness is learning to accept everything as it is arising in each moment. This means embracing sorrow when it passes through us.

In the Ramayana (the legendary epic tale composed in ancient India by the Sanskrit poet Valmiki), when Sita is kidnapped by the demon king Ravana, she is greatly pained in that separation from her beloved husband Rama. She cries out, “This body of mine was created only for sorrow.” (Ramayana: A Tale of Gods and Demons by Ranchor Prime, Mandala Publishing, San Rafael, CA, 2001, 2004.)

Yet, throughout all her sorrows, Sita never once stops calling out to Rama in her heart. The symbolic meaning behind this is quite lovely. Bhagavan Das writes, “Sita represents the human soul, captured by the demon of egotism… though she’s held captive in the demon’s garden, the soul never forgets her true husband, Rama — God himself.” Bhagavan Das continues, with the yogic meaning of the story: “God loves the soul more than anything, but he can’t rescue her alone. He needs the help of the son of the wind (Hanuman) — the breath. When God and the breath become allies, they’re able to free the soul. Calming the breath makes the body calm down, and then the mind becomes calm. When the mind is calm, you are able to sense God’s presence in your heart.” (It’s Here Now (Are You?), by Bhagavan Das, Broadway Books, New York, 1997.)

I love that image of the human soul calling out to the Great Soul. When sorrows pass through us, we can practice cultivating the witness by tuning in to that part of ourselves that objectively watches everything as it arises. When we witness and accept sorrow, we can focus on our breathing to calm our body-mind system, and that will help us settle into the Pure Love Energy that is always pulsing within our hearts. The word “yoga” means union, and it is the Union with our own beloved heart that we seek. So, the yogic practice is to watch the sorrows, and then keep returning to the breath and to the heart.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of blue flower by Richard Broderick – CC license

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The ONLY true Bliss channel is inside.

The key word in that statement is only. When we seek comfort, pleasure, and bliss outside of ourselves, we inevitably feel disappointed, again and again and again. The reason for this cycle of seeking external happiness and then feeling disappointed is our collective spiritual amnesia. We have forgotten who we truly are. When we take the time to go inside our own beings, we remember that we truly are pure Bliss.

Pure Bliss is our true essential nature… and this is true for each and every one of us. So we have to turn away from the external dials, and tune in to the frequency of the Bliss channel inside our beings.

Daily spiritual practices, such as sitting meditation and cultivating the witness, help us to regularly remember our true nature. Throughout the day, if we practice witnessing our thoughts, our emotions, our speech, and our actions, then gradually the witness part of ourselves expands. As the witness consciousness expands, we identify less with all the stories passing through us, and we begin to self-coach ourselves. For me, this self-coaching process is such a gift. Now, anytime my little mind starts reacting negatively, my higher witness mind automatically starts “talking” to the little mind.

For example, anytime I feel the slightest disappointment arising about anything external to my own inner being, the self-coaching witness mind says, “The only true Bliss channel is inside.” Then, if I continue feeling sad, the witness voice gets louder, saying, “Didn’t you hear what I just said? The ONLY true Bliss channel is inside.”

Because most of us are under this collective spiritual amnesia spell, we have to continually remind ourselves that we are, in essence, pure Bliss. Daily spiritual practices are so important. If you need inspiration for your practices – or help beginning some new practices – please read my easy-to-read pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living, available on this website store in print and by e-book.

May we all remember to tune in to the inner Bliss channel. It is a frequency that is always there, waiting for us to tune in to it.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Flowers by Altair – CC license

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