Back in July, when it was bright and sunny here, I posted an article announcing a new Teja Blog feature: Ask Teja! Since posting that new feature, my life has become more than a little bit busy, so I haven’t taken the time to answer any questions. Well, now that the weather has shifted to cold and grey November days here, I am inspired to light some candles and sip some hot tea while answering a dear person’s question. If you would like a question answered, you can opt to remain anonymous like this person, or you can include your name and/or a photo of yourself. Simply send me an email, anytime: teja@yogini-bliss.com

Question: So what I want to ask you, Teja, is how do you live with yourself in the face of being human...  mostly from a sacred perspective.  When getting married, becoming initiated into Reiki (especially the master level), and then accepting a Guru or two and vowing to follow their teachings, vowing to love, respect and honor, vowing to not be angry today. How do you reconcile yourself with not living up to these promises????  Of course there are times we do, but ...............

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How do you balance imperfection with ideals? How does one live with oneself?  I am feeling some bi-polar tendencies in my thinking. I need more grey but don't know how to get there.

Answer: Dear being who wrote this question, first let me say that I really love this question. It really shows the depth of your longing and your sincere dedication to growth. And, in attempting to answer it, I get to renew my commitments as well as possibly help the beings who will read this blog. So thank you very much for sending this question.

The “grey” you are seeking lies in understanding the vasanas (tendencies) and in understanding the nature of spiritual awakening. These are two of the three key principles I address in the first section of my pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. 

First, the vasanas are tendencies or patterns that have locked into forms in the very structure of our beings. They are like energetic knots that need to be untied and unraveled. Once we see them for what they are, they naturally begin unraveling, but we still have to do our part in working to release them. This requires a great deal of patience and also reverence for Divine Timing. The way I “live with myself” in that process, is I simultaneously keep my eye on the goal while also cutting myself a lot of slack. I do expect myself to keep trying, but I don’t expect myself to get it right every time. A lot of suffering is caused by unrealistic expectations, so I continually adjust and readjust my expectations, whilst practicing Acceptance of What IS.

Second, the nature of spiritual awakening, according to my beloved teacher David La Chapelle (who left his body in July 2009), IS bi-polar. He said, “Your system rises up to an ecstatic level of consciousness and then it comes back down and purifies.” What that looks like in our daily life, practically speaking, is we feel expanded, and then we feel contracted, over and over again! Understanding that contractions inevitably follow expansions really helps us to keep our imperfections and ideals in balance. Until we can really surrender and let go, we’ll keep making mistakes, breaking vows, and so on, and since the process of surrendering the ego is long and hard, it’s helpful to just decide right now that we’re going to love ourselves and laugh ourselves through it all! We can choose to be happy even when we’re not doing it the way we think we should be doing it.

Keeping a sense of humor with yourself is probably the fastest way to get to the “grey” balance area you are seeking, dear one. And, remembering that we are each doing the best that we can with the light that we have to see by. Having said that, though, I acknowledge that it is very frustrating once we have enough light to see the goal, but not enough light to stay continuously open-hearted. During the contracted times, it is especially important to laugh at our predicament: here we are, knowing that we shouldn’t get angry, and yet fully immersed in the anger state anyway. What a cosmic joke! As Ammachi says, “Whether we laugh or cry, days will go by, so we may as well laugh.” Let’s all practice laughing at our contracted states, whilst knowing that soon we will expand into Love once again.

If you have any questions, big or small, please send them my way: teja@yogini-bliss.com ~ You can ask big questions like the one above, or you can ask something small like how to prepare yummy adzuki beans! In the United States we are coming up on our biggest food holiday, so I am turning my focus to planning a festive vegan meal. If you have questions about going vegan for Thanksgiving, please Ask Teja!

May all beings live in Harmony, with Bright Radiant Light illuminating their way.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of candles glowing by Teja Shankara.