A few years ago, my boys came home from a morning walk and handed me a book that they’d found in a free pile. At that time I didn’t see how a book on aging and dying applied to my life, so I said thanks and put the book on the shelf. Well, recently I read and reviewed two books by Ram Dass: Be Here Now and Be Love Now (click on the book titles to read those reviews), and after that I just wanted to keep reading Ram Dass, so I pulled that old dusty free book off the shelf and I was delighted to discover what a gem it is!

Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying, by Ram Dass, is a very inspiring and encouraging book for people of all ages. Ram Dass wrote most of this book before having a major debilitating stroke, but then he went back and re-worked it with all that he’s learned from the experience of the stroke. It is beautifully written, deeply touching, and incredibly potent in its delivery of elder wisdom. 

A how-to manual for conscious aging, changing, and dying, this really is a must-read for all earnest spiritual seekers. As Ram Dass points out, every spiritual tradition agrees that preparation for death is the single most important spiritual practice. Indeed, when I was leading the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, I went through a phase in which we focused on death for about eight Monday evenings in a row! At that time, I read aloud many stories from an amazing book that I highly recommend, Graceful Exits: How Great Beings Die, by Sushila Blackman.

This morning, as I went back through Still Here, reading and re-reading the parts I had highlighted with big stars in the margins, what struck me the most was the way Ram Dass brings everything to the Soul level. Here are a few examples: 

“The Soul is here to learn… We have to be here to learn; otherwise our difficulties are truly meaningless.”

“As our minds begin to quiet down, we notice that the thoughts and feelings associated with meaninglessness come and go, and that there exists, in the space between these arisings, a way of being that is not affected by these mind-states. The Soul, we discover, seeks no meaning; it’s “meaning,” to borrow that Ego-concept, is self-evident. A flower does not question its meaning or right to exist; it simply is, and its purpose is joy.”

“I tried to go the renunciate’s way, to forget the needs of the body in order to avoid the suffering of the Ego. But the Soul depends on the Ego’s drama for its teachings. We have to be in the world to learn from it.”

“The Soul has no trouble with mystery at all. Mystery is the Soul’s element… we begin to rest in the mysterious present and let the future unfold as it will.”

Another poignant teaching in Still Here has to do with staying open to whatever pains come our way in life. Ram Dass explains that suffering often points the way to where our work is. He writes:

“Just as physical pain alerts us to troubles in the body, mental pain alerts us to where we need to be more conscious. In other words, our frustrations, anger, delusions, and so on become our greatest helpers in freeing ourselves from suffering. They point to where our Ego is trapped, and remind us to begin to shift our identity to the Soul level. They show where we are resisting change, where we are time-bound, and where we need to grow beyond past conditioning.” 

As a regular practitioner of Cultivating the Witness, I particularly liked the way Ram Dass describes working with intense pain:

“The only solution is to be on two planes at once: you have to enter the pain fully, and yet be in the Soul level at the same time. That’s fierce! You feel the full intensity of the pain, and at the same time you transcend it by being in the Witness state. Pain demands that you establish yourself simultaneously in Ego and Soul. What an incredible teacher it is.”

And what an incredible teacher Ram Dass is. As I am still here, sitting on my red couch sipping hot tea and reading spiritual teachings (after almost 8 years of that practice!), I am super grateful for all that Ram Dass has given, and continues to give, to help raise the consciousness of the human species.

May all beings rise above and beyond their pains, to rest in the level of the Soul.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja (still here on the red couch) with Still Here by Ram Dass, taken by Teja Shankara.

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Each week I pick an angel card, and occasionally I know instantly why I picked that particular card, but more often I discover the reason as the week goes along. That was certainly the case this past week when I turned over the Grace card. All week, I felt a sweetness when I looked at the card on my kitchen table, but it was not until last night that I understood its significance for me in this round of seven calendar boxes (a.k.a. “days”).

The week prior, whilst diving ever deeper into my spiritual practice of Cultivating the Witness, I had been noticing a familiar flavor of depression passing briefly through my system. I acknowledged it by saying to myself, ‘You were so excited about the New Year, fresh with possibilities, and now you’re feeling disappointed because your little mind is impatient and thinks nothing has happened.’ Of course then I coached myself into feeling better by recognizing all the blessings in my life and by cultivating gratitude for all the good that is most definitely happening.

So then this week, I witnessed myself indulging in some petty pleasure-pain pendulum sorrows, which culminated yesterday in a full-blown feeling sorry for myself state. Not knowing what else to do, I did what I often do in such a state: lit candles, burned incense around my temple cottage whilst chanting the Hanuman Chalisa (along with Krishna Das’ CD “Flow of Grace”), and began preparing a meal. Once I begin cooking in my kitchen, some kind of magic happens and regardless of my initial state, I am usually transformed by the process of conscious cooking whilst chanting the Names of God.

As I washed the vegetables, I suddenly became inspired to watch a film that had been on my to-watch list for a while, so once my food was ready, I selected the movie on Netflix and sat down to eat and watch… And that’s when the real Bliss hit! The meal tasted so amazing: tempeh sautéed in toasted sesame oil, soy sauce and spices; sunchokes and carrots roasted in olive oil and Himalayan krystal salt; and a very large handful of fresh cilantro. The film, Fierce Grace, about Ram Dass’ life since his stroke, was incredibly well done and oh, so inspiring. 

Currently I am reading Ram Dass’ book Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying, and it was sweet to see how that book fit into the overall process of his experiences before and after the stroke. Reading that book and now seeing that film has me once again inspired to look into doing hospice caregiving work with the dying. And amazingly, since everything in our lives is connected and leading us forward on our paths, my 97-year-old Grandma, who is close to dying and who has hospice care in her midwest home, called me on Skype video about ten minutes after I began watching Fierce Grace! Talk about Amazing Grace… Wow.

So I may think that I’m just a simple little nobody yogini in a cold (and windy!) town, but even a simple little alone evening can turn into the most potent and powerful Grace. I can still see my Grandma’s face saying into the computer screen, “You look as cute as ever!”

Big Gratitude!

May all beings everywhere experience Amazing Gratitude and Delightful Grace.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Teja’s simple vegan yogini evening taken by Teja Shankara.

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This is my fifth month of checking the job listings on Craig’s List, and I am sighing this morning as I acknowledge how that little annoying ritual has become one of my daily spiritual practices. I use it as an opportunity to tune in to all of the other people who are also looking for work during these tough economic times. With incredible Gratitude for the half-time work that I enjoy as medical assistant at Morningstar Healing Arts, I continue to search for more work so I can keep paying my bills and providing food and shelter for my sons.

The thing is, I do have lots of additional work, it’s just that it doesn’t provide financial income. I offer physical help to a friend with cancer, I energetically offer support to several beings around the country, and I maintain a cozy home, preparing good organic vegan food for my family. Not only do I not get paid for most of the work that I do, but I actually even have to pay money out to offer some things, like the articles on this Teja Blog, for example.

So, I keep searching for work on Craig’s List, and I am doing a lot of self-coaching to maintain my positive attitude and to not let the 3 d’s take over my brain cells… the 3 d’s being feelings of despair, depression, and disempowerment. With the unemployment numbers growing, there must be a rise in the 3 d’s out there, so one of my daily spiritual practices right now is to empower myself with enthusiasm for life, despite the lack of financial stability. I try to keep a sense of humor about the situation, which sometimes comes through as dripping sarcasm, like in those moments on Craig’s List when I think, ‘If only I was a diagnostic mechanic or a certified welder!’ 

If only I was somehow able to manifest my intention to align with Dharmic Right Livelihood! If only I had fulfilled my 2011 intention to sell a million copies of Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living! If only, if only, if only… If only I could truly surrender to my Beloved Husband Lord Shiva and allow his holy son Ganesha to remove all obstacles on my path to aligning with Dharmic Right Livelihood! If only I could surrender and accept everything just as it is in each moment!

May all beings everywhere find rest amidst the uncertainty of these times.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Happy on Christmas by Teja’s brother. Radiance Rising book cover designed by Gaelyn Larrick.

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New Year’s is an auspicious time to call upon Sri Ganesha, the elephant-headed Hindu god who is the Remover of all obstacles. Last January, at the Radiance Rising Circles, we chanted to Ganesha the first five weeks of the year! This year, in absence of the weekly circles, I have been chanting to Ganesha whilst doing household chores. Yesterday I found this cosmic Ganesha image on a sweet blog called balanced spirituality by a yogini named Ekta. After reading about her path with another saint called Amma (Sri Karunamayi Amma), I then went to the website of my Guru Ammachi’s ashram, and printed out excerpts from her New Year’s Message 2012.

At Amritapuri, on the 1^st of January, Amma said the following: “Nature – which was once like a kamadhenu, the wish-fulfilling cow – has dried up. The oil supply is rapidly decreasing. The food supply is dwindling. Potable water and pure air are becoming scarce. Where did we go wrong? The real mistake we committed lies in our inability to differentiate between requirements and luxuries. If our current generation could reinstate such an awareness of Dharma, then poverty and starvation would vanish like a bad dream.”

Indeed, there are many obstacles facing humanity as we begin this New Year, and thus it is a very good time to call upon Lord Ganesha, who blesses new beginnings. In the talk, Amma goes on to say that many people tell her that the world will end in 2012, but she doesn’t feel that will happen. She says that Nature is agitated and tragedies are always taking place everywhere in the world, and that will continue to be so, but we should not live in fear. Instead, Amma says we should cultivate an attitude of acceptance in which we say “Whatever happens I will remain strong, courageous, and happy.”

To read the full message, please click here: Amma’s New Year’s Message 2012.

Om Gam Ganapataye Namah! May Sri Ganapati (Ganesha) bless all beings and remove all obstacles on the path to goodness and happiness. 

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Image of Cosmic Ganesha from balanced spirituality blog. When I learn the name of the artist I will share it here…

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I snapped this photo of myself on New Year’s Eve, after returning from my true home, the Amma Satsang. It was the perfect way for this yogini to end the year: chanting the Names of God and meditating with a loving sangha (spiritual community). Just the day before I had finished reading Ram Dass’ book, Be Love Now, so I was already feeling quite full of loving spiritual energies.

Be Love Now is truly more than just some papers bound together. Whilst reading about Ram Dass’ experiences with Neem Karoli Baba-ji, I felt as though I received spiritual transmissions, and my daily sitting meditation practice has deepened as a result.

What I loved most about this book is the way the sacred and the mundane are woven together, which is reminiscent of what Maharaj-ji (Neem Karoli Baba) taught. Primarily a “householder guru,” who himself was married with children, he spent much time counseling people on the ordinary aspects of householder life. Ram Dass describes the way loving service can transform even the ordinary act of grocery shopping:

“That’s the Hanuman mode, serving through love, opening and opening until you become the Beloved or the Beloved becomes you. You’re absorbed into that consciousness, and the Beloved’s being permeates yours. Then the ego perception shifts to the soul perception, the whole world is radiant, and the grocery store is your temple, full of souls.”

Ram Dass explains that in India “holiness is not confined to celibate sadhus or renunciates.” In fact, Maharaj-ji himself said that one can reach God while fulfilling his or her duties as a householder.

Of course we householders need to be disciplined and committed to our daily spiritual practices, and Ram Dass also offers much in the way of spiritual teaching and inspiration for keeping ourselves dedicated to the path. In one section that really struck a chord in me, Ram Dass points out that attachment is attachment on any plane. In reference to the loving and helpful guides we can access on the astral planes, he writes:

“By acknowledging such immaterial beings and planes as equally real – but not more real – than this immediate reality, you start to free yourself of attachment to any one plane or level of reality. Thinking of them as more real than this physical reality, however, can create more attachment. The attraction to the energies and mysteries of other planes can be a tremendous distraction or side trip from one’s path. Attachment is attachment on any plane.” 

In addition to sharing much about his guru Neem Karoli Baba, Ram Dass (and his co-author, Rameshwar Das) also highlight the incredibly inspiring accounts of many other Indian saints, including Anandamayi Ma, Sri Ramakrishna, Sri Ramana Maharshi, Sri Nityananda, and more. I received darshan (a view or encounter with a holy being) from the photographs of several of these high beings.

And then what it comes down to, when I finished reading the book, is: can I apply these teachings to my daily life? Well, sometimes yes, and sometimes no… So, in the moments when I cannot rise above my own limitations, I am heartened by Ram Dass’ words in Be Love Now: 

“You can only go at the rate you can go…The only thing you can ask is that you keep awakening at the fastest rate at which you’re capable. You can’t go any faster than that…” 

That advice echoes my favorite part of his spiritual classic of several decades ago, Be Here Now, in which he wrote, “You can’t rip the skin off the snake. The snake must moult the skin. That’s the rate it happens.” (See my review of that book: Teja’s Review of Be Here Now by Ram Dass)

Obviously I highly recommend Ram Dass’ new book, Be Love Now. I have so much Gratitude for all the beautiful seva (service) that Ram Dass gives to help raise the consciousness of the human species. May all beings everywhere benefit from his work.

May all beings be happy and free.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Happy Teja on New Year’s Eve with Ram Dass’ book Be Love Now taken by Teja Shankara.

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Each year on January 1^st, I spend some time writing in my new desk calendar and picking an angel card for the year. Spiritual practices like these help keep me grounded and focused here on the earthly plane… As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, for 2011 I picked Release, and the year was indeed filled with much painful release work. So on the evening of December 31^st, 2011, when I had the thought, ‘What if I pick Release again for 2012?” I was filled with a sense of dread, but then I quickly thought, ‘Well, if I pick it again, I’ll just have to approach it with a different attitude!’

I had no idea that those thoughts were a psychic “warning” of what was to come the next day… until the moment when I picked Release again for 2012! When I picked the card, I just sat there staring at it for a long time. It felt like time stood still, like all the gods and goddesses were just waiting to see what this yogini would do with that one! Honestly, at first I just could not grok the information… I sat there bewildered and wondering if I might indulge in a little screaming, crying tantrum yoga fit… but then I remembered that before picking the card I had lit candles and waved incense all around my temple cottage while chanting the Hanuman Chalisa (along with Krishna Das’ CD “Flow of Grace”), and I had asked my Beloved Gurus, Amma and Neem Karoli Baba, to please pick the angel card through me. Remembering that I had asked them to pick the card, I began to see the humor in it all, and I was reminded of something I recently read in Ram Dass’ book Be Love Now (which I will be posting a review of soon):

“If a situation seems full of cosmic irony, that’s probably your guru. If your life seems to be running on crazy coincidences and synchronicity, that’s the guru too. The guru’s a rascal, always playing with you, always showing you where you’re not.”

It sure does seem like a crazy bit of cosmic irony, that I would pick Release again this year, especially since I worked so hard in the month of December to release as much as possible so that I could be “done” with that work. Ha! Good one, Gurus! Guess I’m not done with that work after all… However, I do see the opportunity that this hilarity presents: in 2011, I released a lot through grief and sorrow, and now in 2012 I get to learn how to release in new ways. I intend to learn how to let go with happiness and joy and song and dance and gratitude!

By evening, I was in a very funny mood, so funny that during my sitting meditation time, I kept laughing out loud… I was laughing because I was witnessing the absurdity – after all I’ve been through in the past 8+ years – of the mental fascination that still remains with earthguy lilas and attractions. In my laughter, I saw the first glimmer of what is hopefully to come: boredom and non-interest in earthguy attractions, the same kind of total boredom I feel when people around me have conversations about alcohol. (I haven’t had a drink, not even a glass of wine, in over four years, and now I have no interest whatsoever in alcohol or stories about it.)

In that vision of my future brahmacharini self, I saw that the boredom with alcohol came naturally, and so will the boredom with unreal romantic lilas. I just need to trust and be patient and cultivate the witness in each moment… and I pray that I won’t need to endure any more painful dramas before the boredom comes!

This Year 2012, I intend to lovingly and laughingly release anything and everything that blocks me from being fully Tejaswini, the name that Amma gave me, which means full of Light, Radiant, and Bright.

I pray that my healing release work will ripple out and benefit the Whole. May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep this year. May all beings be happy and free. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s 2012 Release angel card by Teja Shankara.

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Ahh, the last day of the year. As I wrote in a previous blog (“Spiritual Purification through Releasing Impurities”), I picked the angel card Release for the Year 2011, and it has been quite a challenging year filled with much emotional release! This final month I focused on consciously releasing as much as possible, so I can begin the New Year free from all blockages to living in dharmic right livelihood. So wouldn’t you know, for this last week of the year, I picked the angel card Freedom…

And this last week I have let go of so many more things, concepts, ideals, plans… I even let go of organizing the ShivaRatri event that was scheduled for February 19^th, 2012… I am sure my Beloved Husband Lord Shiva will understand, since He is the Bliss that arises from letting go of all attachments and expectations!

So I say Good Riddance 2011… and Welcome 2012! May all beings be Free and Blissed-out inside the One Radiance…

Happy New Year 2012 to all… Om Namah Shivaya! I bow to Lord Shiva, who is Pure Consciousness and Pure Bliss.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Shiva image adapted from a wallpaper on aboutshiva.com

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One of my favorite winter holiday memories is of crunching on handfuls of my Mom’s homemade party mix, so each December I make a batch of it to enjoy with my boys … here’s my vegan version of the recipe:

Teja’s Vegan Party Mix

4 cups nuts (almonds, walnuts, peanuts, pecans, cashews)
8 cups cereals (O’s and chex-like bites)
4 cups thin pretzels

Combine the above in a large mixing bowl. Then, in a pan on the stove, mix and melt the following ingredients: 

1 cup Earth Balance vegan spread (butter substitute)
¼ cup vegan Worcestershire sauce
2 Tablespoons soy sauce
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
¼ teaspoon paprika
1/8 teaspoon turmeric
1 Tablespoon coconut palm sugar 

Mix the sauce into the bowl with the nuts, cereals, and pretzels. Spread onto cookie sheets. Do not oil the pans. Bake on low heat, stirring every 10-15 minutes, until browned and crunchy. My Mom’s recipe called for baking this mix at 250 degrees, but I’ve found that temperature was not hot enough for my old oven, and now it’s too hot for my new oven. Depending on your particular oven, you might need to bake this at 225 or at 275 degrees. In any case, stir every 10-15 minutes, and keep an eye on it so it doesn’t burn!

Bright Happy Holidays to all!

May all beings be free of suffering and the root causes of suffering. May all beings be happy, healthy, and harmonious with the Beauty of Life.

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s Vegan Party Mix by Teja Shankara. Photo of Teja with sons on Christmas morning by Teja Shankara.

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There is a living angel walking in our midst. Meet Michael Meade: author, mythologist, and storyteller extraordinaire. Gratefully, I have been blessed to experience his great work a number of times, in Ashland and also at the Beloved Festival (2009). Last week, I watched his latest video, “Voices of Veterans: A Welcome Home Ceremony”, and I was moved to tears… not just a few tears, but uncontrollable sobbing.

Why was I crying so much while watching this ten-minute video? Well, I was crying in general for all the pain and suffering created by wars; for all the men and women who endure the horrors of war and for all their families who must endure the nightmarish effects of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) after the soldiers return home. When I really tune in to all that suffering, I cannot stop crying… and in the first few minutes of the video, Michael Meade says something that strikes a really deep chord in me. He says, “We’re trying to reduce the suffering that’s inside the veterans, and we’re also trying to spread it, I’m sorry to tell you, into the community. Don’t take too much, but if everybody takes a little bit, then they have less to carry.” When I heard that, I felt as if he was talking directly to my compassionate heart.

I am happy to cry for the veterans, especially if my tears might just help relieve some of their pain… And, I wasn’t just crying in general… I was also crying because the one I love (but cannot be with) served almost a year in Vietnam, and I was crying for his pain. All of his experiences in Vietnam (at least the ones he shared with me) came rushing back into my mind, and I was overwhelmed with the desire to take that pain away and somehow make it better. Even though we are no longer in physical contact, I will always love him and I pray that someday, some way, all that war pain will release and he will experience deep, profound healing. 

I am so grateful for all the healing work that Michael Meade is doing with the veterans. Truly a living angel, he is shining light in a realm of darkness. May his work ripple out and out and out, touching the lives and hearts of all veterans everywhere. May their pain be lessened.

May all beings be healed in the Light.

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of angel on Teja’s faux fir tree taken by Teja Shankara.

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Do you ever feel strange, like you are simultaneously here and not really here? It is difficult to explain the experience in words, but it is something I have noticed since I was in high school. Back then I felt completely scared and freaked out by the sensation, so I went to the priest and told him about it. He gave me chocolate candies and soothing words, which comforted me, but then when I got to college, I again felt freaked out by feeling like I wasn’t really here, even though I knew I was here…

So, at that stage in the journey, I went to the university’s health clinic and signed up for some free counseling sessions with a psychology intern. He listened and diagnosed me with a “depersonalization disorder.” I can’t remember what I thought of that with my young 19-year-old brain, and I can’t remember if I did anything about it, except to continue trying to find depth and connection through alcohol and other bad habits…

This past week I have been feeling that strangeness again, only this time I have nearly a decade’s worth of studying Yogic philosophy in my brain, so I don’t feel afraid. Instead, I am thinking “Well, isn’t this an interesting experience!” Remembering that counselor’s assessment, that I was disconnecting from my personality, I now see that it is a normal – and welcome – part of the spiritual process of allowing the ego/personality to fall away so that the soul can radiate love in all directions. 

Experiencing different levels of consciousness simultaneously is nothing to be afraid of, if you have the proper framework for understanding the sensations. When I gaze at a basket full of bright holiday cheer, at the level of the physical senses I may feel delight, but that’s not all that’s going on in my multi-layered being… At the level of the soul, I might be traveling in and out of several dimensions in just a few seconds! It is like that for all of us, whether we are aware of it or not.

As my beloved teacher David La Chapelle would say, there’s a lot more going on (all the time) than what we see.

May all fear be cast away from the human species. May all beings dissolve into warm, bright Love. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of holiday cheer by Teja Shankara.

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