After taking over a year's break, I am once again inspired to offer the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, beginning this Saturday, April 21^st, 2012. This time around, the circles will be held at the Unitarian Universalist Center, corner of 4th & C Streets in Ashland, on Saturdays 10:30am - 12noon. As before, the circles will be free of charge and open to everyone each week. The last time around, I offered the weekly circles for 15 months, and because there wasn't any money involved, the circles had a unique purity and sweetness about them. 

I am offering these circles because I really see the benefits of all the spiritual practices I do daily in my own life, and so I feel inspired to share the practices with others. It is very powerful to come together in prayer and meditation. I initially became inspired to offer circles after reading Book of Prayers by Mahatma Gandhi, who led interfaith prayer gatherings morning and evening each day, all throughout his political, revolutionary activities. In the book's introduction, Michael N. Nagler writes, "Squarely in the time-honored tradition of Hindu devotion, Gandhi accepted the validity of all forms of genuine worship. Love of God is love of God. At the same time, he explained, we need forms suited to our culture and even to our personality; since most of the ashramites were Hindu, so are most of the songs."

The simple chants that I lead, in a call-and-response singing format, are mostly Sanskrit chants that call upon Hindu gods and goddesses (primarily Shiva, Durga, Kali, Hanuman, Sita, Rama, Ganesha, and now I am learning a chant to Krishna), since I am a dedicated yogini on the Raja Yoga Path (with Ammachi and Neem Karoli Baba-ji as my Gurus), but I also sometimes lead chants to Green Tara, or chant Hallelujah, or chant for Peace... I am just a beginner at playing the harmonium: I had never played a musical instrument in my life, so I have stickers on the keys with the appropriate letters, and I've just started taking lessons with Krishna Deva (Prema Mayi's son).... so the chanting that happens at these circles is not performance kirtan, but rather it's a co-creation with whoever shows up and sings... and it's great when someone shows up to drum along with me! I always bring a drum and bells, and I welcome people to bring drums as well.... also, if you think you can't sing, don't let that stop you from attending ~ singing from the heart is so beautiful, whether it's perfectly sung on key or not!

Each week, I bring a reading to share after the chanting and silent meditation. In selecting the readings, I tune in to what is most inspiring to me at the time, and also to what I sense might be needed by others. At the circles, we chant mantras with the chakras, going from the root up to the crown at the beginning of the circle, and then chanting back down to the root to close the circles feeling grounded. We also send the healing energies (created by the practices) out for healing and peace wherever they are needed... 

Each person attending these Radiance Rising Circles will be given a free copy of my pocketbook, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living.

Radiant Cheers to the Spiritual Health of the human species on this Sacred Planet Earth!

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Flyer for Radiance Rising Circles designed by Gaelyn Larrick, a bright artistic star shining in our midst! ~ Photo of Teja (on flyer) taken by Britt Magadini, another radiant being shimmering on the river of life!

Comment (0)

In a recent blog article (“Amazing Gratitude for Amazing Manifestation!”), I shared that I was re-reading Gandhi-ji’s Book of Prayers while waiting to order the Tulsidas Ramayana. Well, after finishing Gandhi-ji’s Book of Prayers, each morning I just kept reading it, even though the Tulsidas Ramayana had already arrived in the mail. For some reason, it wasn’t quite time to begin the new book, and even though I was beginning to feel a bit restless with reading the same prayers over and over, I knew that I needed to do so.

On my spiritual journey, any time I encounter some form of resistance, I find that to be very rich material to work with, so instead of putting the book away when I felt some boredom arising, I took the opportunity to delve deeper into the book… And I am so glad I did that, because I learned a bit about the power of repeating those prayers over and over.

Repetition of those prayers was one of Gandhi-ji’s primary daily practices. During one of his prison terms, he translated the Ashram Bhajanavali into English. These were the prayers that they recited daily in his ashram, and many of them are by recognizable Indian saints such as Mirabai, Kabir, and Tulsidas.

In the book’s introduction, Michael N. Nagler describes how deeply those prayers were woven into the content of Gandhi-ji’s consciousness. He writes that Gandhi would “allude to or “think in” lines from these hymns in the course of some discussion or other.” I can relate to that now, as it has been my experience, over the past few weeks, that the daily reading of these prayers is having a profound effect on my consciousness.

Here are a few phrases (taken from various prayers throughout the collection) that I particularly enjoy reading out loud, again and again:

“In the Kaliyuga, Ramanama* is the all-yielding tree… Repeating the name purifies the mind and banishes misfortune… Kabir says, this is the excellent life and I have sung of it. There is a state beyond misery and happiness, my mind is fixed on it…. He who is restraint incarnate is Rama…. The humble cottage is good enough; covering made of tattered rags is also good enough. I should eat with relish whatever it pleases God to give me from day to day…. O dear Lord…as soon as I saw thy face, the world became useless to me and my mind became detached from it. The happiness that the world gives is like a mirage; one should move about deeming it of no account…. We must sing of Hari with zest… Resolve upon enthroning Ramanama in thy heart…. have abundant love for all…take Ramanama…consider all to be good…regard God as the giver and the enjoyer…. You are intoxicated with your own infatuation; wake up and look around. What is the use of weeping when time knocks at the door? It costs nothing to sing Hari’s praises…. only the simple natural state…no desire for even an atom… Brahma and his creation cannot be separated even for a moment, but we of the earth earthy have no inkling of that vital principle; an owl may live for a hundred years and still will not know what the day is like. The Lord is like the ocean – too big for the eyes to scan….O my eyes, look deep and there is Hari…”

* Ramanama literally means “Rama’s Name” and it refers to the spiritual power of repeating God’s Name.

I hope you enjoyed this little taste of Gandhi-ji’s Book of Prayers. I plan to enjoy them for a few more days, and then dive deeply into the Tulsidas Ramayana!

May all beings be Happy and Free.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Gandhi-ji’s Book of Prayers taken by Teja Shankara.

Comment (0)

In my last blog article, “A Vegan Yogini’s Time-Out-of-Time Spiritual Practice”, I mentioned that I was in between books, so I was reading a publication about veganism. Well, after I finished reading that upsetting magazine, I wasn’t sure what to read next. In cultivating the witness, I observed a touch of the usual disoriented feeling that I tend to get in between books, and it was interesting for me to watch that state and to understand how fiercely I hold onto, and anchor to, and ground through whatever book I am currently reading. So then, in between books I experience a bit of vertigo, and I get to consciously practice listening for what is next…

For quite some time I have been wanting to read the Tulsidas Ramayana, but the daunting price has been holding me back. (It is $48 used on Amazon!) So as I was ‘listening’ for what book is next, I wondered if it might be time for the Tulsidas Ramayana, but I could not get a clear answer, so in the meantime I decided to re-read Gandhi-ji’s Book of Prayers. And wouldn’t you know, when I got to the section of prayers by Tulsidas, I felt a very deep resonance and kinship with that sixteenth century Indian poet saint! And that’s when I thought maybe it is time to read his Ramayana! 

Well, one reason why I can’t spend the money is that I owe my landlords $50 for a dryer repair, and since I’m only working half-time (and still searching for more work), I haven’t been able to pay them, so then I can’t order a book for $50 either… So Thursday morning, I said to the Universe, with my teenage son as my witness, “I need an extra hundred dollars to come to me this week.” If you have been following my blog for a while, then you already know that I struggle with the concept of “manifesting your reality” because even though our thoughts are indeed powerful, there are so many other co-factors at play when we are putting intentions out to the universe…

Even though we don’t always get what we think we want, sometimes we do (!), and in this case, it was quite an amazing manifestation. After putting that request (demand?) out to the Universe, I went to help a friend and he gave me ten dollars more than the ten dollars he owed me, and then after lunch, I got a call from EcoTeas asking me to work at their next packaging day, which will likely bring in about $75-95, and then that same day, a guy in the UK sent me a message about ordering my book Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. So, all of that will total about one hundred dollars, maybe a little more!

With Amazing Gratitude, I’m now going to write my landlords a check for the $50 I owe them, and then I’m going to get on Amazon and order the Tulsidas Ramayana!

May all beings everywhere receive everything they need, when they need it.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja on birthday eve taken by Teja Shankara after attending an Amma Satsang.

Comment (5)

Happy Birthday to Gandhi-ji, who was born 142 years ago today! I’m celebrating his life as I head off to a soccer game with my parents who are visiting this week… Life is crazy-busy-full right now, which is why I’ve been away from the Teja Blog.

If you have any questions (see “New Teja Blog Feature: Ask Teja!”), please email them to me: teja@yogini-bliss.com

Let’s all follow Gandhi-ji’s advice and strive to be the change we wish to see in the world!

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Mahatma Gandhi sourced from TopNews.in

Comment (0)

At the Monday evening Radiance Rising Circles, we’ve been focusing on death for several weeks. I’ve been reading stories from a wonderful book called Graceful Exits: How Great Beings Die – Death Stories of Hindu, Tibetan, Buddhist, and Zen Masters, by Sushila Blackman (Shambhala Publications, 2005). Amazingly, while the author (a devotee of Swami Muktananda), was compiling the death stories, she found out that she had advanced lung cancer, and she died less than two months after finishing the book.

In this gem of a book, there is a quote from the Dalai Lama about the importance of meditating on death. He says, “Awareness of death is the very bedrock of the path. Until you have developed this awareness, all other practices are obstructed.” The more we keep death in our awareness, the more we remember the impermanence of everyone and everything in this manifest realm. Ideally, that remembrance – that everything is changing – guides us to go inside and connect with our deepest Self, that is Pure Unchanging Bliss.

So what does that look like in our everyday lives? Ideally, it means that we see the importance of committing to a daily meditation practice. The only way to find true inner peace is by going inside and connecting with our deepest selves. To begin a regular meditation practice, or to find renewed inspiration for your established sitting practice, please read my pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. This book makes a really fabulous holiday gift and it’s on sale for just $5 through December 16^th.

May all beings realize the importance of raising their own vibrations through regular, daily meditation practice. World Peace begins with each person finding inner peace. As Gandhi-ji said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep.

May all beings know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of light in Japanese Garden (Lithia Park) by Teja Shankara.

Comment (0)

Photo by Ashley Marie - CC license

We create our realities with our thoughts. Cultivating the witness, that part of our minds that objectively watches everything we are, allows us to clearly see all of our thoughts. Through the power of watching our thoughts, we gradually change the way we perceive the world. We shift from viewing the world as a serious court of justice to seeing this universe as a joyous playground. Like gleeful children, we get to play and celebrate during this lifetime we've been given. On the playground we enjoy ourselves fully, even if sometimes we scrape our knees or get our hearts broken! No matter what pains we go through, we can't let the heartbreaks keep us from opening up and having a good time on the playground.

Here is a bit of news from the fun I'm having lately on the Tejaswini Playground ~

~ I continue to enjoy creating all kinds of vegan food combinations. This morning I heated up some leftover rice (long grain brown rice and wild rice), along with some walnuts, raisins, and dried cranberries. Then I stirred in some raw cacao nibs, cinnamon, and two potent powders by HealthForce Nutritionals: Vitamineral Green and MacaForce.  As I ate that incredibly delicious bowl of nourishment, I felt deep gratitude for all the organic vegan food that supports my temple body.

~ Even though I’ve still experienced some romantic-lila-related-sorrow in my being (despite continually focusing on my brahmacharya vow), the overall theme emerging in my life this past month has been one of gratitude, praise, and celebration. One day I ran into a woman who had attended the Radiance Rising Circle the night before, and she said, “So you’re a healer and a praiser?” I loved that so much – I hadn’t thought of myself as a “praiser” before, but indeed that is a large part of who I am.

~ Albert Einstein said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” I understand that the sorrow states that pass through my being are caused by an attachment to a certain person, so I am now consciously focusing my attention (again and again) on my goals for life. To that end, I wrote out the following intentions: attitude of Gratitude; positive thinking; enthusiasm; merging in Union with Lord Shiva; and serving others. Union with Shiva represents detachment and the Pure Bliss gained through detachment.  Anandamayi Ma, Blissful mystic and sage of India (1896-1982), describes the process of merging with Shiva in this way:

“Shiva, the Eternal Spirit, has resolved Himself into jivas, sentient beings, and every creature has to become reconverted again into Shiva. Just as water freezes into ice, and ice melts into water, so this play of transformation of Shiva into jiva and jiva into Shiva goes on and on through eternity.”  (Women of Power and Grace: Nine Astonishing, Inspiring Luminaries of Our Time, by Timothy Conway, Ph.D., the Wake Up Press, Santa Barbara, CA, 1995.)

~ As I am slowly building my Reiki energy healing practice (www.ashlandholistichealth.com), I have had the opportunity to enjoy some trades with other practitioners. One such trade was with a very gifted Tarot Card reader. Through the reading I received guidance to remember that everything serves Spirit and all energies are workable. One of the cards indicated that I should become the Master Alchemist and work with the energies associated with my current life situation.

~ A few weeks ago a brief stomach flu passed through my body. I went for acupuncture, and during the session a new mantra/affirmation/intention arose in me: “I am happy and healthy, and I WANT GOD!”

~ That affirmation echoed the little mantra that was buzzing in my head during the Radiance Rising Circle on Ammachi’s 57^th birthday: “I want to sit in circles with people singing to God until I die!” Here is one of my favorite quotes from Amma, the Hugging Saint from India, who is a Guru to millions of people (including me): “Life should blossom into total laughter. This is religion. This is spirituality. This is real prayer. God is the innocent, spontaneous smile that blossoms from within.” (Lead Us to Purity: A Selection of Sri Mata Amritanandamayi’s Speeches, 1990-1999, Compiled by Swami Jnanamritananda, M.A. Center, San Ramon, CA, 2007.)

~ At the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, my natural smile blossoms from within. The week after we celebrated Amma’s birthday, we honored the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi. I had already celebrated Gandhi-ji’s birthday at a fire circle on his actual birthday, but since I love birthdays, I brought his photo (with curly ribbons attached) to the Radiance Rising Circle too. In his honor we chanted to Sita and Ram, and sometimes I substituted, “Be the Change You Wanna See, Jai Jai Ram,” for the traditional Rama mantra, “Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram” (Victory to Lord Rama).

~ For more detailed musings about many of my life happenings, please follow this Teja Blog. Recent blog article titles include: “My Vegan Tempeh Dinner,” “An Abundance of Gratitude,” “Grounded at the Root,” “The Story of a Blessing Way Circle,” “Happy Birthday to Ammachi and to Gandhi-ji!,” “Vegan Risotto,” and “Nourished by the Light of the Divine Mother.”

~ Regular, daily spiritual practices continue to nourish and strengthen me. Through sitting in silent meditation morning and evening, and through cultivating the Witness, working with the chakras, chanting (singing) devotional songs, studying spiritual teachings, and serving others, I raise my vibration and strengthen my core. I feel so inspired to share these practices with others, because they have helped me so much on my journey.

~ In high school I was a cheerleader, and those cheerleading qualities of enthusiasm and passion still live in me. Now, instead of cheering for the Tigers to win the basketball game, I’m cheering for people to open their hearts through doing regular spiritual practices. That is why I wrote Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. In this easy-to-read pocketbook, I give basic instructions for beginning a meditation practice, and I outline the other practices that I do on the Raja Yoga Path. This book would make a great holiday gift for yourself and for many of your friends and family, so I recently put it on sale at half-price, through December 16^th, 2010. Please go to thhis website store to order your copies today! (Please note that 10% of every sale and donation on my website goes to Amma’s charitable organizations. www.amma.org)

~ A few nights ago, I attended an amazing event with renowned storyteller, author and mythologist, Michael Meade. Since he was promoting his new book, Fate and Destiny: The Two Agreements of the Soul, his dynamic presentation centered around fate and destiny. He explained that we are each born seeded with a destiny, and that destiny is hidden within the challenges of our fate. Through colorful storytelling, he imparted the message that we each have a responsibility to discover who we truly are and what gifts we have to give to the world. He ended the beautiful and inspiring evening with Rumi’s poem “Each Note.” Here is my favorite part of that poem:

God picks up the reed-flute world and blows.
Each note is a need coming through one of us,
a passion, a longing-pain.

Remember the lips
where the wind-breath originated,
and let your note be clear.
Don’t try to end it.
BE Your Note.
I’ll show you how it’s enough.

Go up on the roof at night
in the city of the soul.

Let Everyone climb on their roofs
and sing their notes!

Sing loud!

~ This autumn has been a particularly busy time for this yogini, because my two sons (ages 10 and 13) are now involved in sports and musical instruments, along with all the school stuff. The past few weeks I witnessed myself going through a cute little cycle of overwhelm, so this weekend I took a lot of time alone to remember that I am not the doer, and I am not in charge of time! Since last night was the final night of the 9-night Hindu festival, Navarathri, that honors Shakti, the Divine Feminine, I sat down with my harmonium and chanted to Kali Ma, the most fierce Hindu aspect of the Divine Mother. Kali represents Time, and She helps to conquer the illusions of the ego, such as me thinking that I’m really in control of time here! Again and again, I surrender my little will to the Divine Will.

May you enjoy the playground of your life.

May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and spiritual upliftment each day.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini 

Photos of Teja’s table and autumn tree by Teja Shankara. Photo of Teja in the creek by Vivek.

Comment (0)

I have always loved celebrating birthdays. This past week was a very special time for me, because I got to honor the births of two very high beings. On Monday, September 27^th, at the Radiance Rising Circle I led a celebration of my Guru Ammachi’s 57^th birthday. I put some curly ribbons on a framed photo of her, and we chanted along with a CD of Amma singing a bhajan (devotional song) called “Gopi Gopala.” I read some of her teachings, and then we shared the prasad of Fig Newman cookies. 

Then, on Saturday, October 2^nd, it was Gandhi-ji’s birthday, so I put the curly ribbons on his photo and took him along with me to a fire circle gathering that evening. During the opening circle, I said “THIS is how I want to live on this planet: under the sky and trees, in a sacred circle, dancing by the fire with live drumming.” Then I shared that I had brought my harmonium and would love to lead a chant to Sita-Ram, in honor of Mahatma Gandhi.

After dancing around the fire for a while, I set up the harmonium on a blanket in front of the drums. Before the chant, I explained that in Hindu cosmology, Lord Vishnu promises that any time humans are in trouble he will incarnate to help restore Dharma, Beauty, and Truth. Thousands of years ago he took birth as the beautiful, glistening blue being, Lord Rama, and Sita (Goddess Lakshmi) came to be his wife. Sita and Ram are the Eternal Union of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine, and they can also be viewed as the individual soul (Sita) in union with the Cosmic Soul (Rama).

Anytime we chant (sing) to a Hindu deity, we call in the energies that are associated with that deity. These actual energy states arise in our beings and also in the space around us. So chanting to Sita-Ram helps each of us to experience the Union with our deepest selves.

This was the first time that I had led a chant away from the Radiance Rising Circles, and it was fun, but also a bit challenging, because I had smoke in my lungs from dancing by the fire, and because there were so many drums! It was actually an amazing experience to be carried along so fast with that much drumming! It was definitely a new edge for me. In the playfulness of the moment, I changed the words to “Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram,” and instead chanted Gandhi-ji’s famous quote: “Be the change you wanna see, Jai Jai Ram."

That night when “we” got home, I was filled with incredible Gratitude as I snapped the photo of Gandhi and me. I thought of MC Yogi’s lyrics: “The word Mahatma, it means Great Soul, and it’s inside of us just waiting to unfold. If you follow your heart, and act real bold, next time it’ll be YOUR story that’s told.”

Last night I brought Gandhi-ji to the Radiance Rising Circle, so I could celebrate his birthday just one more time. We noted that a few years ago the United Nations declared his birthday, October 2^nd, to be the International Day of Non-violence. During one of the chants, I sang “Hallelujah, Hallelujah. Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna. Jai Sri Rama, Jai Sri Rama.” At the “Jai Sri Rama” part of the chant, I got blissfully lost in bhakti bhav, the mood or state of devotion, during which I felt an intense longing to merge with the Divine. And then, after reading some from Gandhi’s Book of Prayers, we shared prasad of fresh figs, and I was filled with Gratitude for yet another sweet circle.

May all beings everywhere have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep each night.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Gandhi-ji and Teja by Teja Shankara.

Comment (0)

Last night my older son had an interesting dream, in which we were in a boat on the ocean, and a woman was offering us fish and butter. Due to my vegan diet, I said no, and then suggested to the boys that we dive down and find some seaweed to eat instead!

Why do I choose to eat a vegan diet? I choose to not eat meat, fish, eggs, and dairy for many reasons: because I care about the suffering of the creatures, because I care about the environment of this Beloved Mother Earth, and because I care about the health of my body.

There is no denying that the creatures suffer. No matter how “humanely” or organically the animal products are produced, the creatures still suffer. More than doing a lot of research (and there is plenty of information available for the scientific types), I turned inward and meditated on the fish and animals, and then I could no longer find any justification for eating animal products.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Spiritual progress does demand at some stage that we should cease to kill our fellow creatures for the satisfaction of our bodily wants.” And Dexter Scott King, son of Martin Luther King, Jr., said the following: "Veganism has given me a higher level of awareness and spirituality." (Vegetarian Times, 10/95) I have found this to be true as well. Since I shifted to a vegan diet, my meditation practice has deepened and I feel more mentally clear and more spiritually awake. Now I more keenly sense the interconnectedness of all things.

Regarding the environment, I recently joined a page on Facebook, called The Green Club, which has very good information, including the fact that livestock production contributes more to global warming than all of the cars and trucks combined. For that reason, a town in Belgium has declared Thursdays to be meat and fish free days, and Paul McCartney has started a major campaign called Meat Free Monday.

There are also many studies indicating that vegans enjoy improved physical health. I feel so much bliss in my being when I am cooking organic vegan foods, and that bliss vibration goes into the food and then into the beings who eat the food. I am grateful that my son dreamt that I was suggesting we dive for seaweed instead of eating fish and butter. I see that as a positive sign, that he is integrating my vegan ethics into his being.

May all beings have food to eat each day. May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of organic produce from farmers’ market by Teja Shankara.

Comment (4)

On August 11^th I posted a blog called “Issues with Rama,” in which I outlined the things that bothered me when I read The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003). I posted the blog link on Facebook and received a few comments, but they did not help me resolve my issues with Rama. For the past four weeks I have felt an underlying distress at my inability to get back into devotion to Rama. During that time, I journaled, prayed, worried, and waited.

Earlier today, a thought passed through that did not seem to be part of my regular thinking mind. Rather, this thought kind of floated by, as if out on a screen somewhere beyond me. The thought was, ‘Couldn’t you just start chanting to Ram again, and just forget about all that?’ My rational mind quickly answered, ‘Nope – I gotta find true resolution in my own heart. I can’t just brush it aside and pretend to be resolved.’

So then, this evening, while cooking a pot of curried lentils and chanting along with my Mukti CD, I suddenly felt inspired to turn on a Krishna Das chant to Ram, “Shri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram.” (I searched YouTube, and couldn’t find the exact chant from his “Heart Full of Soul” CD, but I did find a video of him singing to Ram with beautiful illustrations from the Ramayana. To view, click here on Shri Ram Jai Ram.) As soon as I started chanting along with those beloved syllables, I fell on the kitchen floor sobbing.

There was no grand intellectual resolution in which I suddenly understood everything that Rama did. Rather, there was one instant of feeling the Pure Love that is Ram. It really was as simple as just chanting Ramanama, the holy Name of Lord Ram. From the depths of my heart I wept, feeling the sweetness of that Reunion.

The funny thing is, about an hour before falling on the floor sobbing, I took this photo of myself, and I named it “teja_bhakti.” At the time, I didn’t understand why I named the photo that, since I wasn’t feeling any more devotional than usual, but once I fell into Love with Rama again, I realized the significance of the photo’s name. Indeed, I am back in Rama Bhakti, the Devotion to Ram. I am thinking about Rama and Sita’s Pure Love and understanding the devotion between them.

I am thinking of Gandhi-ji, and how he uttered “He Rama,” which means “Oh God,” even as his assassin shot him in the chest. And I am also thinking of my Guru, Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, and how he said “Ram” repeatedly throughout his days.  During my little bout of issues with Rama, I tried to tell myself that Gandhi-ji and Neem Karoli Baba-ji loved Rama, so I should too, but that didn’t work because I needed to find it for myself. Now that I have found the Love for Rama in my heart once again, I feel so relieved. Jai Sri Rama!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Bhakti by Teja Shankara.

Comment (0)

Brahmacharya is a Sanskrit word that is used in several ways. In the context of this blog post, it means taking the vow of celibacy to focus purely on spiritual studies and practices. A Brahmachari is a male (and Brahmacharini a female) who observes sexual abstinence and devotes one’s life to surrendering to God. To read a much more detailed description, click on the word “Brahmacharya” above to link with the Wikipedia page.

I am a western yogini who is straddling two worlds. For several years I have been longing to renounce and be a sannyasini (female renunciate, like a nun in western terms), but I have not been able to take the required brahmacharini vow because of the strong seductive pull of the romantic lilas. “Lila” is a Sanskrit word that means “divine play” or “divine sport.” All of our human interactions can be viewed as lilas – as “God playing or sporting with God.” (For an entertaining read about some of my romantic lilas, in the context of me learning to apply spiritual teachings to break free from an addictive love pattern, check out my spiritual memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, by my former pen name, Rita Ann Shankara.)

My spiritual teacher, who is named Basil in my books, left his body in July 2009, at a time when I was already going through some intense heartbreak. That would have been a really good time to take the brahmacharini vow, but I just wasn’t ready yet. Instead, despite all that I’d learned on the yoga path, I sought to escape all the grief and pain through some unhealthy romantic lilas. After nearly a full year of that, I realized that I needed to take the brahmacharini vow. For the first time, I knew that I could commit to at least six months, and maybe even twelve months. After taking the brahmacharya vow, I spoke with several women who had taken the same vow in the past, and they had really great experiences with it. Two of the women had started out like me, committing to a small bit of time, and then they just kept extending that time, until each of them ended up being brahmacharinis for 4 years.

Many modern brahmacharis commit to the vow for life, such as Mahatma Gandhi. He embraced the vow permanently at age 38. Swami Vivekananda spoke clearly about the importance of taking the vow for a minimum of 12 years! He said, “That power comes to him who observes unbroken Brahmacharya for a period of twelve years, with the sole object of realizing God. I have practiced that kind of Brahmacharya myself, and so a screen has been removed, as it were, from my brain.” (Wikipedia, on Brahmacharya.)

After I took the vow, I felt so great for over one month. I felt incredibly centered in my own being and in my own energies. I experienced many deep states of Bliss. I remembered again and again that the only True Bliss Channel is INSIDE, and I understood clearly that looking for Bliss externally brings inevitable sorrows.

But then, about ten days ago, the sorrow in my heart rose up again. No amount of intellectual rationalizing could stop me from crying. As I cried, I mentally reviewed the situation over and over again: ‘I’m in love with someone who I can’t be with, and the lilas involved in that situation were draining my energies. I want to surrender to God and give my life to serving others, and that is hard to do when I’m distracted by the magnetic pull of the lilas. I need to remember that I took the last name Shankara in order to be a bride of Shiva. It is my intention to keep my attention on the Highest Light.’

So, even with the brahmacharya vow, I continue to straddle two worlds. Last night I bowed down before my Gurus (Neem Karoli Baba and Ammachi), and asked for Acceptance of what IS. I’m a western yogini who aspires to renounce, but clearly isn’t ready to do so! I guess I just have to accept that I’m a sannyasini-wannabe!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja in sorrow by Teja Shankara’s ten-year-old son.

Comment (0)