As I was driving into Ammachi’s Castro Valley ashram (the M.A. Center) in June, 2008, I was singing along with a Krishna Das chant to Sita-Ram-Hanuman, and with the passion of a red-hot fire, I said firmly, out loud, “I want to live inside the chant.” Those words startled me, for a few reasons, and I immediately burst into tears.

The tears flowed as I parked my car in the meadow and headed up the hill to see Amma. I was crying because it was such a relief to admit out loud what it was that I really wanted for my life. I was also crying because I knew that it meant the end of my current relationship, because that was not the same kind of life that he wanted. For weeks I had been wrestling with the question: ‘are we spiritually aligned to stay together?’ The part of me that was really in love with him wanted to find the yes answer, so that part of me grieved when it heard me say definitively, “I want to live inside the chant.”

What does living inside the chant mean? For me, it means putting my spiritual practices at the top of my daily list. Meditation, mantra japa, and chanting (singing) are my pathways to Bliss. They are what bring me into a state of Union with my own beloved heart. So when I said that I wanted to live inside the chant, I meant that I could no longer put anything else before my connection with God. That is my primary connection, and when I keep that connection sacred at the top of my priority list, then everything else magically and effortlessly falls into place.

The knowingness that I realized about living inside the chant stems from a deep lifelong devotion. Last summer a friend told me that I had the same chocolate center of devotion as Bhagavan Das. At the time, I felt touched by my friend saying that, but I didn’t fully understand it. Recently though, I contemplated the thread of my lifelong devotion, and I understood what my friend was saying. Like Bhagavan Das, I have journeyed through several spiritual paths this lifetime. I was Catholic until age 23, and I totally loved it – all that fragrant incense, and colorful stained glass images, and a quiet place to pray – I never once complained about going to church!

My second path was Judaism for ten years, during which time I also studied Native American, Buddhist, Daoist, and Muslim traditions. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about them all. Then, at age 33, I suddenly felt drawn to India, Hinduism, and the Yoga Path. I met an American spiritual teacher, who taught me so much during our brief six years together (he died July 21, 2009), and through him I learned much about the pathways to Bliss. While studying with him I was drawn to Neem Karoli Baba and to Amma, and took them both as my Gurus.

The thread that has been consistent through all of the paths is the same thread that has been consistent through Bhagavan Das’ paths, and that thread is an intensity of devotion. From a little Catholic girl in the church pew to a yogini in Amma’s arms, I am ever intensely devoted to nurturing my connection with God.

This connection with the Divine (or whatever you call that Something Greater) manifests in billions of ways here on this beautiful planet earth. Whatever ways it manifests for you, may they be blessed.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of bee on flower by Richard Broderick – CC license