Each week I pick an angel card, and it is amazing how often the quality fits exactly with what I’m going through that week. Take this week, for example. I am working to release a very big pattern from my life, consciously focusing on breathing and releasing… and I picked “Release”!  (Angel cards, by Kathy Tyler and Joy Drake, Narada Productions, Inc., Milwaukee, WI, 1981.)

After twenty years of trying unsuccessfully to get what I want from the Universe (in the way of a perfect Sita-Ram union with an earthly man), I’ve decided to lay down the “dream” and be free of the disappointments I inevitably experience at every turn. I am intending to finally release the last bits of the addictive love pattern that I wrote about in my memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, by my pen name, Rita Ann Shankara. Rather than continuing this madness of seeking the union with someone outside of myself, I have decided to renounce the search altogether and relax into the inner Union with my beloved husband, Lord Shiva.

My dear friend Thomas does not believe me, and he is encouraging me to take a neutral stance on this matter. While I appreciate his feedback, I have recently become aware that if I continue to allow myself to indulge in these lilas with the masculine, I will most likely not be celebrating too many more birthdays! The strain of the intensity of grief from this past year alone has taken its toll, and my body is telling me clearly – through shouting methods – that it’s time to stop this pattern.

I do understand the value in finding a nonattached, neutral attitude on the matter, so I will intend to reach that state soon. For now though, I release all expectations and griefs that I’ve put onto any forms of the masculine, and I endeavor to walk alone… with deep breathing… and lots of laughing.

I am feeling incredible freedom already. From this healing process of release, I am experiencing a warm, radiant self-love that is tingling throughout my cells. 

Release, release, release!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of yellow rose and release card by Teja Shankara.