“I want to live inside the chant.” Those seven words, spoken out loud by me for the first time in June, 2008, became a potent intention that is now manifesting. In the moment that I first said those words, I was driving into Ammachi’s ashram outside of San Ramon, California, singing along with a Krishna Das CD. As I witnessed how chanting songs to God brought me into Union with my deepest Self, I knew that I wanted to live a life filled to the brim with spiritual practices.

Of all the daily spiritual practices that I do, chanting is my absolute favorite sadhana. Singing beautiful songs to the Beloved is the central practice of Bhakti Yoga, the path of Union with the Divine through Devotion. As a bhakta, a devotee, I surrender my whole self to the Divine, and in that process of bowing down, I merge with the essence of my Heart and become one with my true Self. This is not some lofty goal that I will experience someday right before I die, but rather it is a direct experience that I realize often through chanting the Names of God.

For nearly seven years I have been chanting along with CDs, and now I am also chanting by myself while playing my harmonium. Thanks to some guidance from Jai Uttal, at the weekly Radiance Rising Circles I now lead simple chants. The chants I lead are mostly Sanskrit mantras to Shiva and Krishna, but I also sing a Hallelujah chant, a chant for Peace, and a chant to Green Tara.

While I do still listen to some popular music (Michael Franti, P!nk, Michael Jackson, and others), especially with my boys who are 10 and 13, I mostly listen to chanting music. I love how Amma explains the difference between the two types of music:

“When the devotee hears God’s name being sung, she forgets all else and becomes absorbed in the Divine. Ordinary songs are enjoyable because they deal with the emotions of the mind and with worldly relationships. Listeners get absorbed in those sentiments and enjoy it…. Music such as disco music awakens various emotional waves. Listening to sensual songs awakens the lover-beloved mood and leads to related thoughts and sentiments. Devotional songs, on the other hand, remind us of our relationship to God; divine qualities are awakened instead of worldly emotions. The emotions are quieted and this gives peace to both the singers and the listeners. Amma doesn’t dismiss ordinary songs. Many people enjoy them…. Amma doesn’t reject anything…. Devotional songs and prayers engender positive vibrations within us and throughout our surroundings…. when we sing about God’s glories again and again, they become rooted in our hearts…. Singing devotional songs makes the mind joyful. It is restful for the mind.” (The Eternal Truth, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, Mata Amritanandamayi Mission Trust, Amritapuri, Kerala, India, 2006, 2007.)

Again and again I chant the Names, and again and again I am filled with Bliss and Gratitude. I am so grateful to be living inside the chant.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s harmonium by Teja Shankara.

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Balance. That is the angel card I picked for this week, as I am juggling many balls: my parents visiting for my cousin’s wedding; taking care of boys and household chores; cooking vegan meals, giving Reiki sessions, writing blog articles, doing spiritual practices… and so on! I am continually amazed at how I pick the perfect card each week. (Angel cards, by Kathy Tyler and Joy Drake, Narada Productions, Inc., Milwaukee, WI, 1981.)

Tuning into the perfection of the Universe is a good practice when one is trying to balance so many things. However, even though in the big picture I ‘get’ that everything is happening perfectly, there are so many things occurring on Earth that don’t seem so perfect. For example, a few days ago, while I was buying pink nailpolish to wear on my toenails to the wedding, a fire was raging near the store and several Ashland homes caught on fire that night. And in the news they were saying that the flood situation in Pakistan is worse than the Haiti earthquake. And somehow I’m supposed to just keep enjoying my life, when so many people are suffering? How to balance the feelings of despair and compassion with the need to just keep doing our own lives, where-ever we are? I understand that giving in to despair won’t help anyone, and that by continuing to evolve myself through spiritual practices, I can help others by radiating Love out in all directions… but it’s still sometimes difficult to embrace this beautiful life I’m in, while others are suffering.

Somehow I continue to – more or less – keep it all in balance. Sometimes I do forget things though… Like last week, when my dear friend Thomas and I took another evening picnic up to Mt. Ashland, I forgot the plates and forks! We laughed heartily as we ate the delicious vegan meal on the lids, using the big serving spoons as utensils. But again, in the big scheme of things, when almost one billion people are starving on the planet, it doesn’t really matter that I forgot the plates and forks. With humility, I offer incredible gratitude for all of the blessings and abundance in my simple, yet joyous, yogini life.

May all beings everywhere have food to eat each day. May all beings know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja by Thomas Stekkinger. Photo of vegan sunset picnic on Mt. Ashland by Teja Shankara.

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Brahmacharya is a Sanskrit word that is used in several ways. In the context of this blog post, it means taking the vow of celibacy to focus purely on spiritual studies and practices. A Brahmachari is a male (and Brahmacharini a female) who observes sexual abstinence and devotes one’s life to surrendering to God. To read a much more detailed description, click on the word “Brahmacharya” above to link with the Wikipedia page.

I am a western yogini who is straddling two worlds. For several years I have been longing to renounce and be a sannyasini (female renunciate, like a nun in western terms), but I have not been able to take the required brahmacharini vow because of the strong seductive pull of the romantic lilas. “Lila” is a Sanskrit word that means “divine play” or “divine sport.” All of our human interactions can be viewed as lilas – as “God playing or sporting with God.” (For an entertaining read about some of my romantic lilas, in the context of me learning to apply spiritual teachings to break free from an addictive love pattern, check out my spiritual memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, by my former pen name, Rita Ann Shankara.)

My spiritual teacher, who is named Basil in my books, left his body in July 2009, at a time when I was already going through some intense heartbreak. That would have been a really good time to take the brahmacharini vow, but I just wasn’t ready yet. Instead, despite all that I’d learned on the yoga path, I sought to escape all the grief and pain through some unhealthy romantic lilas. After nearly a full year of that, I realized that I needed to take the brahmacharini vow. For the first time, I knew that I could commit to at least six months, and maybe even twelve months. After taking the brahmacharya vow, I spoke with several women who had taken the same vow in the past, and they had really great experiences with it. Two of the women had started out like me, committing to a small bit of time, and then they just kept extending that time, until each of them ended up being brahmacharinis for 4 years.

Many modern brahmacharis commit to the vow for life, such as Mahatma Gandhi. He embraced the vow permanently at age 38. Swami Vivekananda spoke clearly about the importance of taking the vow for a minimum of 12 years! He said, “That power comes to him who observes unbroken Brahmacharya for a period of twelve years, with the sole object of realizing God. I have practiced that kind of Brahmacharya myself, and so a screen has been removed, as it were, from my brain.” (Wikipedia, on Brahmacharya.)

After I took the vow, I felt so great for over one month. I felt incredibly centered in my own being and in my own energies. I experienced many deep states of Bliss. I remembered again and again that the only True Bliss Channel is INSIDE, and I understood clearly that looking for Bliss externally brings inevitable sorrows.

But then, about ten days ago, the sorrow in my heart rose up again. No amount of intellectual rationalizing could stop me from crying. As I cried, I mentally reviewed the situation over and over again: ‘I’m in love with someone who I can’t be with, and the lilas involved in that situation were draining my energies. I want to surrender to God and give my life to serving others, and that is hard to do when I’m distracted by the magnetic pull of the lilas. I need to remember that I took the last name Shankara in order to be a bride of Shiva. It is my intention to keep my attention on the Highest Light.’

So, even with the brahmacharya vow, I continue to straddle two worlds. Last night I bowed down before my Gurus (Neem Karoli Baba and Ammachi), and asked for Acceptance of what IS. I’m a western yogini who aspires to renounce, but clearly isn’t ready to do so! I guess I just have to accept that I’m a sannyasini-wannabe!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja in sorrow by Teja Shankara’s ten-year-old son.

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This past weekend I experienced so much delight at the Peace Village Festival in Ashland. Many thanks to Larry Morningstar, and to his fabulous tribe of helpers! I bow to the incredible Beauty of the community here.

On Saturday, while giving Reiki energy healings in the Casbah tent, I felt so connected with the Oneness of all Life. Then I stepped out into the sunshine and felt the sun’s warmth radiating over the sacred land of the Jackson Wellsprings. Maybe someday I will live on that land, since I feel so at home there. For now, I feel super blessed that I get to offer the weekly Radiance Rising Circles in the Wellsprings community room. Much gratitude to Gerry Lehrberger for supporting these Monday evening circles.

Down in the meadow behind the pools, many colorful booths created a little village, where I found a pair of beautiful blue and silver pants sewn in India and an anklet made in Bali that sounds like rain sticks when I walk. My boys enjoyed looking at the rocks and gemstones, and trying out the hula-hoops. Later we placed a blanket in the grass and ate yummy vegan food while listening to the wonderful live music. 

On Sunday afternoon I gave more Reiki energy healings, and even as the Universe took note of how much I love giving Reiki, I silently sent out the intention to be blessed with opportunities for giving more and more and more Reiki healings. I then headed down to the village, feeling open to all of Life. Standing barefoot in the grass, absorbing the sun’s rays deep into my being, swaying to reggae music, and eating a sweet organic apple, I shared smiles with the bright beings around me.

Later, as the stars came out, I enjoyed dancing with many beloved friends to the awesome songs of the Alice DiMicele Band. Alice dubbed us the “Peace Village Choir,” as we sang along with her inspiring lyrics: “Whoh, oh, I’m made out of water. Water is the only thing that can quench my thirst. I’m always trying to get back to the water, from that very first breath on my day of birth.”

When we practice cultivating the witness, it is very important to pay great attention to the things that expand us in life. Lately I have been practicing this by posting appreciation vignettes on Facebook, which I end with the phrase, “i love my life.” At the 2010 Peace Village Festival in Ashland, I witnessed myself in a state of Bliss, absolutely lovin’ my life.

May you also notice the things that expand you into states of Bliss.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

http://www.facebook.com/tejashankara

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Photo by Ashley Marie - CC license

We create our realities with our thoughts. Cultivating the witness, that part of our minds that objectively watches everything we are, allows us to clearly see all of our thoughts. Through the power of watching our thoughts, we gradually change the way we perceive the world. We shift from viewing the world as a serious court of justice to seeing this universe as a joyous playground. Like gleeful children, we get to play and celebrate during this lifetime we've been given. On the playground we enjoy ourselves fully, even if sometimes we scrape our knees or get our hearts broken! No matter what pains we go through, we can't let the heartbreaks keep us from opening up and having a good time on the playground.

Here is a bit of news from the fun I'm having lately on the Tejaswini Playground ~

~ Last weekend I attended a Reiki intensive with my teacher, Reiki Master William Bagley, and it was very inspiring and got me all charged up with healing energies. I have posted two blog articles (here on the Teja Blog) highlighting some of the information we learned, along with my personal emotional experiences during the training. Those articles are entitled “Merging with the Compassion of Green Tara,” and “My Experience with the Tanran Reiki Relationship Healing Symbols.” 

The former article offers ways to work with emotions, and the latter post describes a really great map (that came to Will in dreamtime) for creating a healthy romantic relationship. That article is a must-read for all couples and for all people who want to be in relationships. It contains very insightful information on the inevitable process that unfolds once sexual energies are merged.

~ A few days after the training weekend, Will and I met for tea to go over my essay test, session reports, and so on, and I am happy to say that I am now a Certified Reiki Practitioner.

~ The weekly Radiance Rising Circles continue to be the highlight of my life. Sitting in a circle sharing spiritual practices is definitely my favorite playground. Although I am very much a beginner at playing harmonium and leading chanting (singing), I really enjoy it, and the attendees sing along so beautifully. I anticipate that soon I will begin to offer more circles in other places. Some of those circles will also be for sharing spiritual practices, and others will be for healing work based on the curriculum I learned at the training through Insight Prison Project. I am inspired to facilitate healing circles at rehabilitation centers, youth centers, and anywhere else that might be open to my offerings.

~ At the beginning of this summer, I predicted that it was going to be fun, intense, and fast, and that has all been true. My personal healing journey has been about releasing expectations of the masculine, both the external and the internal masculine; forgiving myself and others; releasing judgments and accepting everyone’s choices; and relaxing into loving all beings Unconditionally. If you’re interested in reading more about all of that, I’ve written some blog articles about my processes along the way. Soon I will also post an article about my experience with taking the brahmacharya celibacy vow.

~ I really enjoy writing the articles for this Teja Blog, and I consider it as one of the ways that I am serving others. I intend that the writings here are an offering of Light for those that read them. If you know anyone who might enjoy this Teja Blog, please forward the link to them… http://yogini-bliss.com/Teja-Blog.html

~ My second favorite playground is Facebook. I have so much fun meeting new people there. It feels like a big matrix of international pen pals connecting energies and points of light all around the world. I especially feel inspired by all the great quotes that people post there. If you’d like to meet me there, go to http://www.facebook.com/tejashankara and you can also join (“like”) my Teja Shankara Books page.

~ Another favorite playground is where I connect with all my guys! My two sons are now 10 and 13, and they love to show me the hot new hip hop videos. Fortunately, I also really love hip hop. I especially love this video that they showed me by Michael Franti & Spearhead, “Say Hey (I Love You).

~ A few weeks ago my dear friend Thomas and I went up to Mt. Ashland for an evening picnic, hot cocoa and stargazing. It was one of my happiest moments all summer, and I posted a blog about it called “Happy Teja.” After that article, I posted three articles with the vegan recipes from that picnic dinner.

~ Well, I finally finished reading the Ramayana! What a journey that was. It brought up a lot of issues for me, and I wrote a detailed blog about it, called “Issues with Rama.”  It was a soul-cleansing experience for me, for sure. I am still integrating it all on the vibrational level. Soon I plan to begin reading the book again, because it was such a good spiritual practice.

~ I’ll end this month’s newsletter with a quote from my Reiki teacher, William Bagley:

“Let go, let go, really let go, totally let go, awake, and rejoice!”

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

http://www.facebook.com/tejashankara

Photo of Playground by Ashley Marie - CC license. Photo of harmonium by Teja Shankara. Photo of Happy Teja by Thomas Stekkinger.

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In my last blog article, “Merging with the Compassion of Green Tara,” I gave a general overview of Reiki healing and highlighted some things I learned at a Reiki intensive last weekend with my teacher, Reiki Master William Bagley. In this blog post I will share my personal experience with receiving the Tanran Reiki relationship healing symbols.

The first evening, Will gave us an overview of the relationship healing symbols, and then we sat in meditation while he guided us to visualize and receive those symbols. During the lecture I thought to myself, ‘This will be good information for me to know for when I work with couples. I don’t really need this right now personally, since I just took the brahmacharya celibacy vow for at least six months, and I’m not planning on being in a relationship any time soon.’ So, without feeling any emotions, I took the following notes on the meanings and actions of the relationship healing symbols:

The five Tanran Reiki relationship healing symbols support the cycle of a healthy romantic relationship. The first four symbols are in a circle, with the fifth symbol placed in the center of the circle. To view the symbols and read more extensive information than I will offer here, go to the Tanran Reiki Blog at http://tanranreiki.blogspot.com/ 

The first symbol is Toh Noh Men, and it supports the honeymoon phase when male and female are resting in each other. When male and female relax into each other, their muscles relax, and that releases all the repressed emotions that were stored in their muscle tissues. The tendency is then to blame the other person for how bad they’re feeling, rather than seeing that those emotions are releasing because of the Love. When Love brings up the repressed emotions, then that means it is meant to be a healing relationship.

The second symbol is Teh Gah, which supports the processing phase of the relationship. The key to this phase is both people committing to holding the container of the relationship. For talking to be productive, couples need to process energetically first. So, when an issue arises, rather than verbally arguing about it, the first thing to do is to get the energies back into harmony. Breathing is the key for getting the energies right. Once the energies are back in harmony, then the talking level communication can be productive.

Will taught us two breathing exercises for harmonizing the energies. One is to sit facing each other and cross your arms and hold hands. One person exhales while the other person inhales. Eye contact isn’t necessary. It is easiest to watch your partner’s mouth so you can get the breathing flowing correctly. Then you can add eye contact if you wish, by looking into each other’s left eyes. The other exercise is to sit back-to-back with arms locked on the sides, and then one person exhales while the other person inhales. Whichever way you choose, you need to breath like that for at least 42 minutes in order for the energies to really shift.

I know 42 minutes sounds like a really long time, but a good argument can go on for much longer than that, so this is definitely worth a try!

The third symbol is Neh Tah Ru, and it supports the process that unfolds when the male and female are merging their energies more and more in sexual union. With sexual union, there is a surge of energies: sexual union relaxes the tension in the muscles, so all the repressed emotions that were stored in the muscles get released, AND the karmas that were stored in the sacrum get released. The more the hearts unite, the more the energies rise up. As soon as you merge sexual energies, the natural process is that the karmas get released. If you know that this is going to happen, then you are prepared, and you can work consciously with the released energies.

This symbol is about being aware of the inevitable process that gets activated by the merging of sexual energies. There is a lot more than pleasure going on during sexual union: the Kundalini Energy is actually doing quite a lot of work, because the sacred action of sexual union is the healing of karmas. Love will bring up anything that needs to be healed. The key to this phase is both partners being committed to staying PRESENT with whatever is arising. If both partners surrender to the Energy, then they can go deeper because that mutual surrender to the Energy resolves the power struggles.

The fourth symbol is Teh Mah Lah, and it supports the whole Energy Field created by the couple. Male and female are the same, but different: here they process in a mirror image way, and they commit to being aware of the atmosphere that they are creating with each other. They commit to balancing their energies in the shared space of the breath, so that the atmosphere becomes charged by them breathing loving energy in and out of the energetic field around them.

The fifth symbol is Sakarah, and it supports the couple in unifying all dualities and floating in all of Life. When each person resolves all dualities within, then “male and female resting in each other becomes each person resting and floating in all of life.”

Again, for more information on these symbols and to see the symbols drawn, go to the Tanran Reiki Blog at http://tanranreiki.blogspot.com/ 

After the lecture, Will guided us to open and receive these symbols in meditation, and that’s when I emotionally fell apart. During the first symbol, I started crying, and with each symbol I cried harder, until we reached the fifth symbol. The first four symbols brought up all my grief that my romantic relationships haven’t been so healthy. During the fourth symbol I was crying so hard that I wanted to run away, but I made myself stay with the process, which was good, because once he started talking about the Wisdom and Divine Grace associated with the fifth symbol, Sakarah, then I immediately connected with Divine Love and my system relaxed.

As the last tears streamed down my cheeks, I had a big “Ah-HA” moment in which I understood all of the pain and suffering that I’ve gone through in romantic relationships. I saw clearly how my choosing to participate in connections that did not have healthy energetic containers inevitably led to all the dramas that played out in the stories of my life. In some of my romantic lilas (Sanskrit word for “divine plays or divine sports”), I behaved in ways that I did not like, and I regret some of my words and actions. However, in that meditation I was able to forgive myself because I understood what caused my reactions. Simply put, intense karmas arose within connections that did not have the proper containers to hold them.

Will echoed my own inclination when he said that it really works best to go deep with just one person. Due to my past propensity to attract males of the polyamorous persuasion, I have had many heated conversations on this topic. Because of the inevitable release of karmas, sharing sexual energies with more than one person at a time is like jumping into a huge fire. It is delusional to think that you won’t get burned by all those karmas.

Due to some not-so-good choices on my part, I’ve been burned a few times too many this past year, so I’m taking a “time-out” with the option to not go back in! Strangely, as I am typing about fires, a huge wind is bringing the smell of smoke into the valley, and now I hear a helicopter overhead. I pray for all the beings affected by all fires: all the actual fires and all the metaphorical fires!

Soon I will write a blog about this brahmacharya vow I’ve taken…

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Oregon Coast by Teja Shankara.

August 18, 2010... My Reiki teacher William Bagley's response to the above article:

Dear Teja, thank you for posting all this and sharing your experience with the symbols on your blog. You definitely get the living sense of how they are meant to work. What I would like to add is that I received these symbols in dreamtime... from the Reiki Guides. It was wonderful to receive them and feel the truth behind them, and they form a kind of mandala where each of their energies is constantly interacting with each other, and there are four other heart symbols that surround them. The meaning behind the other four being there (transmuting love, trusting love, radiant love, and forgiving/processing love) is that we need the foundation of love in all our relations in order to support the more focused love of a romantic union, that both need to be committed to their spiritual path, their healing, their emotional growth, and, hopefully, even meditation practice on their solo path before they meet someone to do a "dual vehicle" journey with. The Tibetan Buddhists call this "karma mudra" to emphasize what kind of process one enters into. The relationship journey can be the easiest, more rapid, and most peaceful path to healing and enlightenment, a natural place to deeply learn what love is. Meditating on top of a mountain may give deep peace, but love is partly interpersonal and is meant to grow in relationship. There is something beautiful and deep to evolving as humans that can be learned there. It has to do with trusting the larger energy of life that brings the two beings together. The Reiki Guides said that they released the symbols into this world at this time to help something that is meant to grow and appear in human life. It is behind all the focus on relationships and healing them. Deep down we know that love in relationships can be more than it sometimes has been. Blessings, Will

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This weekend I attended a Reiki intensive training with my teacher, Reiki Master William Bagley. Reiki (pronounced Ray-key) is a gentle hands-on (and also distance) healing art. A Reiki healer channels Unconditional Loving Energy through their hands (or through visualization if by distance), and the person receiving the energy usually feels a relaxed sense of well-being.

Because the Unconditional Loving Energy is non-violent, it won’t force anything to happen. It is intelligent and it only works to the degree that the receiver gives permission for healing to happen. Once permission is given, and the person is open to receiving healing, then the energy flows into the person and works wherever that person needs healing. The Reiki Practitioner doesn’t decide where the energy will go (and in what order), but rather, the energy itself decides where to go. For example, if a person most needs healing at the emotional level, then the Reiki energy will work on that level first.

During the training weekend (my second time to take the weekend, and the last step towards my certification), we focused a lot on healing at the emotional level, because many “illnesses” stem from emotional pains. (I put the word illnesses in quotes because in Reiki healings, rather than labeling the receivers with certain diagnoses, we consciously see all “illnesses” as mysterious, evolving energy patterns that we send energy into.) Will said that really the only thing to cure is the separation from Love. He said that the illusion ~ of being separated from Love ~ is what keeps us from being cured. So, in Reiki healing work, we start with the solution rather than the problem, and the solution is Unconditional Love.

So when Reiki healers open themselves to be clear channels for Unconditional Loving Energy to flow through, then that Love flows into the receivers and works on the deepest root of all the physical illnesses: the feeling of being separate from Love.

We discussed the three main emotional energies that block the flow of Love: fear, sadness, and anger. Once purified and healed, fear transmutes into wisdom; sadness into compassion; and anger into clarity. We talked a lot about anger, which, in addition to clarity, also transmutes into creativity, assertiveness, and self-empowerment.

Then someone brought up the topic of rage, and how repressed rage can lead to low self-esteem. Will explained that in Reiki healing, which is mostly a non-verbal process, it is important to acknowledge the feelings, and to accept all the emotions without judging them. That is how Unconditional Loving Energy is ~ It doesn’t judge anything, including anger and rage. After discussing how to work with clients when they have rage coming up, there was quite a bit of angry rage energy taking over the room, so Will asked each of us to go inside and just feel what that energy felt like in our bodies.

As soon as we acknowledged the energies in the room, and we watched how they felt in our bodies, those energies began dissolving into the Unconditional Loving Energy of Radiant Awareness.

Later in the day Will taught us another method for working with rage. He led us in a visualization of a red Tara. She had black streaks, fangs, and claws, and resembled the Hindu Goddess Kali. She was storming through the universes, crunching planets and galaxies with her hands. She was snuffing out suns and destroying everything in her path. He guided us to visualize ourselves merging with Her and experiencing that Enlightened Anger. He said to notice the transmutation when you take on that Form.

That visualization technique creates a great container for safely experiencing rage or any other emotion. So whatever emotion is arising, you can visualize Tara having the enlightened version of the emotion, and then merge with Tara in it. Last night I was feeling some sadness passing through, so I visualized a green Tara crying compassionate tears for all the beings who are suffering. Today I am focusing on the mantra to Green Tara: Om Tara Tutara Ture Svaha.

I send out healing spiritual energies to wherever they are needed in the Whole.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Om Tare Tutare Ture Soha by alicepopkorn - CC license

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The Name Rama (also called Ram) has been very special to me for several years. I can’t remember exactly when my Guru, Sri Sri Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji found me, but I’m guessing it was almost six years ago. Neem Karoli Baba left his body in 1973, when I was three years old, living on a farm in Indiana, so I did not meet him in person. Rather, he came to me in dreams, and I read many books about him. I have also experienced his Presence through the kirtan artists who did spend time with Maharaj-ji in India: Krishna Das, Jai Uttal, and Bhagavan Das. I consider those three to be my spiritual brothers, and I bow to each of them with immense gratitude for the potent and transformative healing chants that they share with the world.

Since my association with Neem Karoli Baba began, I have felt strongly drawn to Rama, Sita, and Hanuman, the main characters of The Ramayana, the famous epic tale that was channeled in ancient India by the Sanskrit poet-sage Valmiki.

About five years ago, I read a short, sweet version of The Ramayana, which was kind of like reading the CliffsNotes. I recommend this book for those who just want to hear the basic story and see the beautiful illustrations by B.G. Sharma. Written by Ranchor Prime, it is entitled The Ramayana: A Tale of Gods and Demons (Mandala Publishing, San Rafael, CA, 2001, 2004).

In the spring of 2009, I was blessed to attend a weekend kirtan retreat with Jai Uttal (and tablas player Daniel Paul) at Breitenbush Hotsprings. Each evening, Jai told us stories from The Ramayana, adding his hilarious modern-day touches along the way. Inspired by his fabulous storytelling, and hungry to dive deeper into the ancient tale, I asked him which version to read next. He suggested The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003).

A few months ago I began reading that version, and I carried the book with me in June when I went to see Ammachi at her ashram near San Ramon, California. One morning there, while watching Amma give hugs, a young man sitting behind me spotted my book, and he struck up a conversation with me. He lives in America now, but he grew up in India, and his parents still live in India. He was curious to know what I thought about Rama sending Sita away in the last book of The Ramayana. I said that I hadn’t gotten to that part yet in this version, but I was familiar with the storyline, and I just accepted it. He said that he believes it is important, as spiritual seekers, to question everything, including Rama’s actions. He said that when he asked his mother about why Rama sent Sita away, she said that Rama did what he had to do in his role as a king ten thousand years ago. (Give or take a few thousand years.) At the time, I didn’t feel any conflict within myself about Rama’s actions.

About a week after returning home from Amma’s, my boys and I watched the very creative film Sita Sings the Blues, made by American artist Nina Paley. (Click on the film title here to view the movie on YouTube.) I very much enjoyed this comical version of The Ramayana, and I still did not feel any question about the love for Rama inside my heart.

But then I came to certain parts in Ramesh Menon’s Ramayana, and suddenly I began to feel some discomfort with certain things that Rama said and did. I am not sure if these parts are true to the original Valmiki Ramayana, or if they are influenced by Ramesh Menon’s interpretation, but I will share them here because they are the cause of my current issues with Rama.

The part of me that is uncomfortable with conflict just wants to resolve this as quickly as possible. That part of me says, “It is just your ego talking – how can you, with your limited state of mind, question Rama, a Divine Incarnation?” That part of me believes that Neem Karoli Baba-ji and Gandh-ji had total devotion to Rama for good reasons, and so, based on their Love of Rama, I could also just keep loving Rama with total devotion. But then I remember what the young man said to me at Amma’s. He said that when issues come up for us, even issues with God, we can’t just trust what others say – even what the saints say – but rather, we have to resolve the issues within our own hearts.

So now I will outline my issues with Rama, with quotes from Ramesh Menon's Ramayana. I welcome feedback on these points.

After the demon king Ravana kidnaps Rama’s wife Sita, Rama grieves the loss of his beloved. His grief is almost unbearable, and were it not for the support and encouragement of his brother, Lakshmana, Rama might have perished from the grief. Before I took the brahmacharya celibacy vow one month ago, I found Rama’s grief to be charming, as I could totally relate to the deep sorrow involved in that longing for union. However, since taking the vow of brahmacharini, I see Rama’s grief as borderline pathetic! (Soon I will write a blog about my experience with taking brahmacharya.)

Then, during the war, when Rama thinks Lakshmana is dead, he cries out, “Lakshmana, how will I live when you are gone? I may find another Sita if I comb the earth, but I will never find another Lakshmana.” What? After all that grief over Sita, now he says he can replace her if he combs the earth? Now he loves Lakshmana more than Sita?

Then, after the war, he speaks coldly to Sita, saying: “I came because of dharma…. Do not think for a moment, Sita, that I came for your sake.” What? Ouch. That must have cut Sita’s heart like a knife. So then, bold as she was, she steps into the flames of a huge fire to prove her purity. The Lord Brahma appears and tells Rama that Rama is the Lord Vishnu Incarnate and Sita is the Goddess Lakshmi Incarnate… AND, Agni Deva, the God of Fire Himself, gives Sita to Rama unsinged and tells Rama that Sita is purer than he (Agni) is!

So then, Rama says to Sita, “Forgive me, my love, that I was so cruel to you. Not for a moment did I doubt your chastity.” Oy! Yes he did doubt her.

Then, once back in their kingdom in Ayodhya, when the people doubt Sita’s purity, instead of Rama saying, “Look, I am an Avatar of Vishnu and Sita is Lakshmi, and Agni did not burn her since she is so pure,” he said that it was the dharma of a king to keep his honor for the people. He says, “… I brought her home to Ayodhya, knowing she was perfectly untainted, in body and mind. But the people are not convinced. They judge her by their own lives, their own beliefs.” So then he tells Lakshmana, “… a king’s first dharma is to his subjects. Take Sita to the Rishi Valmiki’s asrama and leave her there.” He knew that she was pregnant (with their twin sons), but he didn’t stand up for her at all?

Although Rama did suffer tremendously over his grief at sending Sita away, he held firm to following his dharma, saying, “A king’s only dharma is the welfare of his people. They must rule whatever I do; my life belongs to them.”

Then, years later, at a big forest sacrifice gathering, his sons, Lava and Kusa, sing The Ramayana, and, hearing his own story, Rama realizes that these are his sons. So then he asks for Sita to come and swear an oath of purity for the sake of their sons’ future! The Great Rishi (Sage) Valmiki says, “Rama, you abandoned this Sita, who is purity itself, near my asrama. You were afraid of what the world thought of her and said of her. Why, it seems to me you doubt her yourself, that you ask her to come here and swear an oath.” So Rama tells Valmiki that he never doubted Sita’s purity, but he still asks her to come swear the oath.

So! Bhumi Devi, the Earth Goddess Herself, takes Sita back, proving Sita’s purity once and for all. Rama sobs and roars in fury at the Earth. He’s so enraged that Brahma has to appear to console him, saying, “Calm yourself, Rama. Sita is in Nagaloka, with her mother. You will find her again, after this life.”

After Sita left the world, Rama kept his kanchana (golden) Sita with him and he never even looked at another woman. Now this level of devotion and integrity I can totally respect, given my propensity (in the PAST) to attract men of the polyamorous persuasion.

Rama ruled for ten or eleven thousand years (depending on your source), and it was a time of utter grace on earth, but after Sita left the world, “he himself was always lonely, and pined for her.” Again, I’m inclined to use the word “pathetic,” but then I guess that is how jivas (individual souls) are, when we forget our Union with Shiva (God). But why did Rama forget, even after Lord Brahma told him clearly that he, Rama, was an Avatar of Lord Vishnu? Some say he forgot because, like us, he was in a human body living in the world, and like us, he regularly forgot his Divinity, and like us, he suffered because of that forgetfulness.

Then, when Rama has to banish Lakshmana to fulfill an agreement with Yama (Death), he again shows more love for Lakshmana than for Sita. Menon writes, “He was more stricken, even, than when he had sent Sita away from Ayodhya.”

After all the grief and loss, the story has a very cool ending. When it is time for Rama to leave this world, he becomes Vishnu again: “Rama melted into that light; he was that light.” And all the people who were devoted to him (Ramabhaktas), followed him out of this world: “In waves, like a river flowing into the sea, that throng of Ramabhaktas walked into the Sarayu. As soon as the holy water touched them, their mortal bodies dissolved and they rose up in resplendent forms of light…. When the last of his bhaktas has ascended, Rama himself rose out of this world…. And there, Sita, who is the Devi Lakshmi, waited for him.”

So the story has a good ending, but it left me feeling very conflicted about Rama’s actions. Was he indeed the perfect man? Some say yes, because, for a king in that age, his dharma to his people was impeccable. I’m not yet convinced, but I long to restore the feeling of Love and Devotion for Rama in my heart.

I highly recommend Ramesh Menon’s Ramayana. It is so beautifully and poetically written. Even with all this inner turmoil going on inside me about Rama, I intend to begin reading Menon’s Ramayana again very soon.

Lately I have been doing some forgiveness work, with the intention of forgiving a few people in my life, and with the intention of forgiving myself. So I say, out loud, “Teja, I accept your choices. I forgive you. I love you.” (I also say that to the other beings I am intending to forgive.) Somehow I need to come to the place where I feel resolved with Rama in my heart, so that I can sing his name loudly again. Perhaps soon I will be able to say, “Rama, I accept your choices. I forgive you. I love you.”

I offer this blog article to Sri Sri Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, Beloved Guru of Endless Grace. Oh Maharaj-ji, please help me to reunite with Rama in my heart. Please let me again feel the Fire of God and the Ocean of Grace merging in Sita-Ram. Please may this reading and contemplation of The Ramayana cleanse my soul of all impurities.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Fire and Ocean by Teja Shankara.

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Are you a millionaire or (gulp) a billionaire? If so, did you hear the recent news that Bill Gates convinced 38 billionaires to donate half of their wealth to charities? I was very inspired when I heard that, as I have been envisioning ideas like that for some time.

One similar idea of mine is for the people who have really great ideas but no money to be matched with people who have a lot of money but no good ideas. For example, I have a friend who could design an amazingly artistic spa and healing resort, but she doesn’t have the capital to do so. (She not only doesn’t have the money to build such a high vibration resort, but she is in credit card debt, as are many people I know.)

Then take me, for another example. I am doing really great work in many directions, for no pay. Why am I doing that? Because I am following my passions and trusting that the Universe will provide. So far, this has been true, and I trust that it will continue to be true. In June, when I was down to my last month’s living expenses, I surrendered to God and said, “Whatever work you want me to do, I will do. I work for you. You, God, are my boss.” Shortly after that, a very generous person offered to fund my next six months living expenses. Imagine how that boosted my trust in the Universe!

So, I continue to write inspiring, high quality blog articles, lead weekly Radiance Rising Circles, mother my two beautiful boys, cook high vibration vegan meals, give Reiki healings, and do many spiritual practices each day. In addition to all of that, I am looking ahead to how I am going to apply the skills I learned in the training I attended in June through Insight Prison Project.

At that amazing training, Rochelle Edwards (and a team of highly skilled facilitators) taught a curriculum that they use with the prisoners at San Quentin Prison. We spent a whole day inside that prison, and it was so inspiring to witness the effects that the curriculum has had on the men in blue. Soon IPP is going to send me an adapted curriculum that I could use to facilitate healing circles at local youth centers, rehabilitation centers, veterans centers, and possibly the local jail.

I know that I am on the right path, following my central passion: to be of service to many beings. I intend to radiate Light out, in whatever ways the Source of Love asks me to… And I trust that the Universe will support me financially. I know that this is especially true because the Universe knows that I live simply, and that I am wise and generous with money.

Who knows, maybe a millionaire or billionaire will read this blog post, and feel inspired to go to my website store and hit the “Donate” button… anything is possible in this magical Universe! (Note: 10% of every sale and donation on this website is given to Ammachi’s charitable organizations.)

May all beings everywhere have their basic needs covered. May all people have food, clothing, shelter, and Self-Love.

May all beings know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Bright by Teja Shankara’s ten-year-old son.

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Today’s date is 8-9-10. That has a nice ring to it. It kind of makes me feel like a little schoolgirl again. In this blog, I will offer the recipe for the garbanzo beans I cooked for the happy Mt. Ashland picnic dinner. (See my last two blog posts for the other recipes from that dinner.)

I really enjoyed cooking the food for that evening adventure. I was so excited to be getting out of town (for a few hours), that I cooked the food with a lot of love and inspiration.

One of my favorite spiritual practices is chanting (singing) while cooking delicious vegan meals. Lately I am really enjoying my new CD, “Light of the Sun,” by Mukti. As I cooked the garbanzo beans and chopped the vegetables, I sang along with Prajna Brianna Vieira. I especially love the song “Jai Jai Ma” in which she sings to Ammachi: “I don’t care about heaven, I don’t want to go that far – Only want to be just where you are – I don’t care about freedom, I just want to sing your name – Oh let me live just for your name…”

So, for the garbanzo beans, soak 2 cups overnight. Discard soaking water and add fresh water, so it covers the beans by about 1 inch. Bring to boil, then simmer covered for 1½ hours. Then add the following:

1½ teaspoons sea salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 Tablespoon dried oregano
1 Tablespoon dried basil
1 teaspoon garlic powder
optional: 1 or more cloves of minced garlic

Stir, and simmer covered for 30 minutes more.

Let me know how you like these beans. And, as always, please buy organic food whenever possible, to honor your body and to honor this precious Mother Earth.

May all beings everywhere have the food they need each day.

May all beings know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of sunset on Mt. Ashland by Teja Shankara.

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