Each week I pick an angel card, and occasionally I know instantly why I picked that particular card, but more often I discover the reason as the week goes along. That was certainly the case this past week when I turned over the Grace card. All week, I felt a sweetness when I looked at the card on my kitchen table, but it was not until last night that I understood its significance for me in this round of seven calendar boxes (a.k.a. “days”).

The week prior, whilst diving ever deeper into my spiritual practice of Cultivating the Witness, I had been noticing a familiar flavor of depression passing briefly through my system. I acknowledged it by saying to myself, ‘You were so excited about the New Year, fresh with possibilities, and now you’re feeling disappointed because your little mind is impatient and thinks nothing has happened.’ Of course then I coached myself into feeling better by recognizing all the blessings in my life and by cultivating gratitude for all the good that is most definitely happening.

So then this week, I witnessed myself indulging in some petty pleasure-pain pendulum sorrows, which culminated yesterday in a full-blown feeling sorry for myself state. Not knowing what else to do, I did what I often do in such a state: lit candles, burned incense around my temple cottage whilst chanting the Hanuman Chalisa (along with Krishna Das’ CD “Flow of Grace”), and began preparing a meal. Once I begin cooking in my kitchen, some kind of magic happens and regardless of my initial state, I am usually transformed by the process of conscious cooking whilst chanting the Names of God.

As I washed the vegetables, I suddenly became inspired to watch a film that had been on my to-watch list for a while, so once my food was ready, I selected the movie on Netflix and sat down to eat and watch… And that’s when the real Bliss hit! The meal tasted so amazing: tempeh sautéed in toasted sesame oil, soy sauce and spices; sunchokes and carrots roasted in olive oil and Himalayan krystal salt; and a very large handful of fresh cilantro. The film, Fierce Grace, about Ram Dass’ life since his stroke, was incredibly well done and oh, so inspiring. 

Currently I am reading Ram Dass’ book Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying, and it was sweet to see how that book fit into the overall process of his experiences before and after the stroke. Reading that book and now seeing that film has me once again inspired to look into doing hospice caregiving work with the dying. And amazingly, since everything in our lives is connected and leading us forward on our paths, my 97-year-old Grandma, who is close to dying and who has hospice care in her midwest home, called me on Skype video about ten minutes after I began watching Fierce Grace! Talk about Amazing Grace… Wow.

So I may think that I’m just a simple little nobody yogini in a cold (and windy!) town, but even a simple little alone evening can turn into the most potent and powerful Grace. I can still see my Grandma’s face saying into the computer screen, “You look as cute as ever!”

Big Gratitude!

May all beings everywhere experience Amazing Gratitude and Delightful Grace.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Teja’s simple vegan yogini evening taken by Teja Shankara.

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This is my fifth month of checking the job listings on Craig’s List, and I am sighing this morning as I acknowledge how that little annoying ritual has become one of my daily spiritual practices. I use it as an opportunity to tune in to all of the other people who are also looking for work during these tough economic times. With incredible Gratitude for the half-time work that I enjoy as medical assistant at Morningstar Healing Arts, I continue to search for more work so I can keep paying my bills and providing food and shelter for my sons.

The thing is, I do have lots of additional work, it’s just that it doesn’t provide financial income. I offer physical help to a friend with cancer, I energetically offer support to several beings around the country, and I maintain a cozy home, preparing good organic vegan food for my family. Not only do I not get paid for most of the work that I do, but I actually even have to pay money out to offer some things, like the articles on this Teja Blog, for example.

So, I keep searching for work on Craig’s List, and I am doing a lot of self-coaching to maintain my positive attitude and to not let the 3 d’s take over my brain cells… the 3 d’s being feelings of despair, depression, and disempowerment. With the unemployment numbers growing, there must be a rise in the 3 d’s out there, so one of my daily spiritual practices right now is to empower myself with enthusiasm for life, despite the lack of financial stability. I try to keep a sense of humor about the situation, which sometimes comes through as dripping sarcasm, like in those moments on Craig’s List when I think, ‘If only I was a diagnostic mechanic or a certified welder!’ 

If only I was somehow able to manifest my intention to align with Dharmic Right Livelihood! If only I had fulfilled my 2011 intention to sell a million copies of Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living! If only, if only, if only… If only I could truly surrender to my Beloved Husband Lord Shiva and allow his holy son Ganesha to remove all obstacles on my path to aligning with Dharmic Right Livelihood! If only I could surrender and accept everything just as it is in each moment!

May all beings everywhere find rest amidst the uncertainty of these times.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Happy on Christmas by Teja’s brother. Radiance Rising book cover designed by Gaelyn Larrick.

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Each year on January 1^st, I spend some time writing in my new desk calendar and picking an angel card for the year. Spiritual practices like these help keep me grounded and focused here on the earthly plane… As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, for 2011 I picked Release, and the year was indeed filled with much painful release work. So on the evening of December 31^st, 2011, when I had the thought, ‘What if I pick Release again for 2012?” I was filled with a sense of dread, but then I quickly thought, ‘Well, if I pick it again, I’ll just have to approach it with a different attitude!’

I had no idea that those thoughts were a psychic “warning” of what was to come the next day… until the moment when I picked Release again for 2012! When I picked the card, I just sat there staring at it for a long time. It felt like time stood still, like all the gods and goddesses were just waiting to see what this yogini would do with that one! Honestly, at first I just could not grok the information… I sat there bewildered and wondering if I might indulge in a little screaming, crying tantrum yoga fit… but then I remembered that before picking the card I had lit candles and waved incense all around my temple cottage while chanting the Hanuman Chalisa (along with Krishna Das’ CD “Flow of Grace”), and I had asked my Beloved Gurus, Amma and Neem Karoli Baba, to please pick the angel card through me. Remembering that I had asked them to pick the card, I began to see the humor in it all, and I was reminded of something I recently read in Ram Dass’ book Be Love Now (which I will be posting a review of soon):

“If a situation seems full of cosmic irony, that’s probably your guru. If your life seems to be running on crazy coincidences and synchronicity, that’s the guru too. The guru’s a rascal, always playing with you, always showing you where you’re not.”

It sure does seem like a crazy bit of cosmic irony, that I would pick Release again this year, especially since I worked so hard in the month of December to release as much as possible so that I could be “done” with that work. Ha! Good one, Gurus! Guess I’m not done with that work after all… However, I do see the opportunity that this hilarity presents: in 2011, I released a lot through grief and sorrow, and now in 2012 I get to learn how to release in new ways. I intend to learn how to let go with happiness and joy and song and dance and gratitude!

By evening, I was in a very funny mood, so funny that during my sitting meditation time, I kept laughing out loud… I was laughing because I was witnessing the absurdity – after all I’ve been through in the past 8+ years – of the mental fascination that still remains with earthguy lilas and attractions. In my laughter, I saw the first glimmer of what is hopefully to come: boredom and non-interest in earthguy attractions, the same kind of total boredom I feel when people around me have conversations about alcohol. (I haven’t had a drink, not even a glass of wine, in over four years, and now I have no interest whatsoever in alcohol or stories about it.)

In that vision of my future brahmacharini self, I saw that the boredom with alcohol came naturally, and so will the boredom with unreal romantic lilas. I just need to trust and be patient and cultivate the witness in each moment… and I pray that I won’t need to endure any more painful dramas before the boredom comes!

This Year 2012, I intend to lovingly and laughingly release anything and everything that blocks me from being fully Tejaswini, the name that Amma gave me, which means full of Light, Radiant, and Bright.

I pray that my healing release work will ripple out and benefit the Whole. May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep this year. May all beings be happy and free. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s 2012 Release angel card by Teja Shankara.

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Ahh, the last day of the year. As I wrote in a previous blog (“Spiritual Purification through Releasing Impurities”), I picked the angel card Release for the Year 2011, and it has been quite a challenging year filled with much emotional release! This final month I focused on consciously releasing as much as possible, so I can begin the New Year free from all blockages to living in dharmic right livelihood. So wouldn’t you know, for this last week of the year, I picked the angel card Freedom…

And this last week I have let go of so many more things, concepts, ideals, plans… I even let go of organizing the ShivaRatri event that was scheduled for February 19^th, 2012… I am sure my Beloved Husband Lord Shiva will understand, since He is the Bliss that arises from letting go of all attachments and expectations!

So I say Good Riddance 2011… and Welcome 2012! May all beings be Free and Blissed-out inside the One Radiance…

Happy New Year 2012 to all… Om Namah Shivaya! I bow to Lord Shiva, who is Pure Consciousness and Pure Bliss.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Shiva image adapted from a wallpaper on aboutshiva.com

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On the last day of November, I sat down and wrote the following in my journal: “Ahh, thankfully only one more month of this year of Release! (I picked the angel card, Release, for the Year 2011, and this year has indeed required almost constant release work.) My intention for the month of December is to release as many impurities as possible: to release negativities, fears, anxieties, cravings, attachments, desires, sorrows, expectations, confusions, and delusions, so that I will be more clear for meaningful work in the world to come through.”

So then, after writing that, I got a cup of strong mate-black tea with coconut milk, lit a candle, and opened the book I am currently reading: Be Love Now by Ram Dass. Amazingly, I read the following: “We can’t mask impurities for very long. When we suppress or repress them, they gain energy. Eventually we all have to deal with our same old karmic obstacles… kama (lust), krodh (anger), moha (confusion), lobh (greed)… the spectrum of impulses and desires… This clearing out opens the door for dharma, for being in harmony with the laws of the universe…” (Later in the book, Ram Dass describes “the dharma” as “the perfect harmony of God’s will and the human mind.”)

Well, after reading the same thing that I had just written in my journal, I was just in total awe of the synchronicities of the universe… And then, it got even better: a few days later, I picked my angel card for this week, and got Purification. Yes, Beloved Universe, I noticed the perfection of that one!

Today I am embracing the spiritual purification that is happening in my being this week. I may not like all the emotions that are clearing out, but I am standing firmly in the process, saying “Yes! Please release everything that is blocking me from living the dharma. My intention for 2012 is to live simply in happiness, health, and dharma. I visualize dharmic right livelihood arising from releasing all blockages to Harmony between this human mind and the Will of the Universe!” May it be so.

And you, what are your intentions for the New Year? 

May all beings live in harmony on this sacred, sacred earth. 

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Purification angel card on Teja’s kitchen table taken by Teja Shankara.

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Much to my initial dismay, this year I was not able to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my beloved Guru, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, the “hugging saint” from India who is popularly called Amma, which means “Mother.” Due to financial, health, and other issues, I just was not able to make the pilgrimage down to California. Although I felt some sadness, I remembered Amma’s teachings about the importance of celebrating life and of making the most of each moment, so I consciously transmuted the sorrow into joy by bringing Amma home to my heart here in my temple cottage.

On Thanksgiving Day I gave thanks for so many things, especially the memory of three years ago on Thanksgiving Day, when Amma looked in my eyes and gave me the name Tejaswini. Whilst cooking festive vegan foods, I listened to CDs of Amma’s bhajans, burned her Rose-Sandalwood incense, and remembered all the times I’ve sat near her, watching her give darshan (hugs). After serving the meals (lunch to my sweet boys and dinner to a beloved friend), my friend and I watched Darshan, the Embrace, a film by Jan Kounen. I had heard about this film for a while, but just hadn’t gotten around to watching it. Now I am glad I waited, because watching this film on Thanksgiving was the perfect way to bring Amma’s Darshan home to my heart!

I highly recommend this film. I loved it so much that I watched it again the next evening with my sons, and then today I watched my favorite parts one more time before returning it to the video store! The film really captures the Love and Beauty that Amma embodies, and I am ever filled with Awe and Gratitude that I have had the amazing opportunity to be one of the millions who have received her darshan in the form of her loving embraces. Kritajuutaa! Amazing Gratitude!

May all beings everywhere know the Sweetness of Deep Amazing Gratitude.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of sweet orchids from Advait taken by Teja Shankara.

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Several weeks ago I invited a dear friend over to chant and have lunch. He played my harmonium and led us in singing some beautiful chants. We sang Om Namah Shivaya, and also a chant that was new to me: Rama Ragava, Rakshamam; Krishna Keshavam, Pahimam. I dropped into a wonderfully deep, peaceful place inside myself, so then the rest of the day I couldn’t stop exclaiming, “Chanting is the Best Bliss on the planet!”

So then, this past Saturday evening, I attended the Ashland Amma Satsang, and I hadn’t been to an Amma Satsang since early September in Mt. Shasta City. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed it, until we were chanting the bhajans (devotional songs), and I was witnessing myself unwinding. I thought, ‘Wow, how did I get wound up so tightly again?’ And even as I thought that, I watched myself unwinding even more! In total awe, I reveled in the Bliss that arises from within when I am chanting the Names of God. 

Whilst reveling in the Bliss Energies, I was also tuning in to a beloved friend who was sitting right behind me. I received guidance to give him Reiki healing energies, so I asked if he would like to sit in front of me, and I would send Reiki into him by touching his back. He gratefully agreed, and for the remainder of the bhajans, I channeled Reiki energies while we sang the chants. Afterwards I said that was “Bhajan~Reiki”, and we both commented on how special that combination was…

Later, when I got home, I took the above photo of myself, trying to capture the Teja~Bhajan~Reiki~Bliss~State I was in! Combining Bhajan Bliss Energies with Reiki Healing Energies was super sweet and nourishing, and I was filled with incredible Gratitude for the experience.

May all beings everywhere experience the sweet nourishment of Divine Love.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

p.s. Today is my Grandma’s 97^th Birthday. Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Photo of Teja~Bhajan~Reiki~Bliss~State by Teja Shankara.

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Back in July, when it was bright and sunny here, I posted an article announcing a new Teja Blog feature: Ask Teja! Since posting that new feature, my life has become more than a little bit busy, so I haven’t taken the time to answer any questions. Well, now that the weather has shifted to cold and grey November days here, I am inspired to light some candles and sip some hot tea while answering a dear person’s question. If you would like a question answered, you can opt to remain anonymous like this person, or you can include your name and/or a photo of yourself. Simply send me an email, anytime: teja@yogini-bliss.com

Question: So what I want to ask you, Teja, is how do you live with yourself in the face of being human...  mostly from a sacred perspective.  When getting married, becoming initiated into Reiki (especially the master level), and then accepting a Guru or two and vowing to follow their teachings, vowing to love, respect and honor, vowing to not be angry today. How do you reconcile yourself with not living up to these promises????  Of course there are times we do, but ...............

?????????????????????????????????

How do you balance imperfection with ideals? How does one live with oneself?  I am feeling some bi-polar tendencies in my thinking. I need more grey but don't know how to get there.

Answer: Dear being who wrote this question, first let me say that I really love this question. It really shows the depth of your longing and your sincere dedication to growth. And, in attempting to answer it, I get to renew my commitments as well as possibly help the beings who will read this blog. So thank you very much for sending this question.

The “grey” you are seeking lies in understanding the vasanas (tendencies) and in understanding the nature of spiritual awakening. These are two of the three key principles I address in the first section of my pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. 

First, the vasanas are tendencies or patterns that have locked into forms in the very structure of our beings. They are like energetic knots that need to be untied and unraveled. Once we see them for what they are, they naturally begin unraveling, but we still have to do our part in working to release them. This requires a great deal of patience and also reverence for Divine Timing. The way I “live with myself” in that process, is I simultaneously keep my eye on the goal while also cutting myself a lot of slack. I do expect myself to keep trying, but I don’t expect myself to get it right every time. A lot of suffering is caused by unrealistic expectations, so I continually adjust and readjust my expectations, whilst practicing Acceptance of What IS.

Second, the nature of spiritual awakening, according to my beloved teacher David La Chapelle (who left his body in July 2009), IS bi-polar. He said, “Your system rises up to an ecstatic level of consciousness and then it comes back down and purifies.” What that looks like in our daily life, practically speaking, is we feel expanded, and then we feel contracted, over and over again! Understanding that contractions inevitably follow expansions really helps us to keep our imperfections and ideals in balance. Until we can really surrender and let go, we’ll keep making mistakes, breaking vows, and so on, and since the process of surrendering the ego is long and hard, it’s helpful to just decide right now that we’re going to love ourselves and laugh ourselves through it all! We can choose to be happy even when we’re not doing it the way we think we should be doing it.

Keeping a sense of humor with yourself is probably the fastest way to get to the “grey” balance area you are seeking, dear one. And, remembering that we are each doing the best that we can with the light that we have to see by. Having said that, though, I acknowledge that it is very frustrating once we have enough light to see the goal, but not enough light to stay continuously open-hearted. During the contracted times, it is especially important to laugh at our predicament: here we are, knowing that we shouldn’t get angry, and yet fully immersed in the anger state anyway. What a cosmic joke! As Ammachi says, “Whether we laugh or cry, days will go by, so we may as well laugh.” Let’s all practice laughing at our contracted states, whilst knowing that soon we will expand into Love once again.

If you have any questions, big or small, please send them my way: teja@yogini-bliss.com ~ You can ask big questions like the one above, or you can ask something small like how to prepare yummy adzuki beans! In the United States we are coming up on our biggest food holiday, so I am turning my focus to planning a festive vegan meal. If you have questions about going vegan for Thanksgiving, please Ask Teja!

May all beings live in Harmony, with Bright Radiant Light illuminating their way.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of candles glowing by Teja Shankara.

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Last Monday morning, before going to work, I picked an angel card for the week. I smiled when I saw the card – Light – and then I went about my day. Well, as often happens with the angel cards, as the week progressed I discovered why I had picked that particular card. Last Wednesday began Diwali (also written as Deepavali), the Hindu Festival of Lights! And, on Tuesday evening, I suddenly felt inspired to chant the Gayatri Mantra. That evening there were some negativities swirling in my brain, and as I cultivated the witness, I was intrigued to watch the effect that the Gayatri Mantra was having on those negative thought sensations. It was literally like watching the hot sun burn through some grey clouds.

The Gayatri Mantra is a mantra of brilliant Light. It is said to be the most ancient mantra, originating from a Vedic Sanskrit verse of the Rigveda. This sacred mantra is attributed to the rishi Visvamitra. The words are as follows:

Om bhur bhuvah svah
tat savitur varenyam
bhargo devasya dhimahi
dhiyo yo nah prachodayaat

There are many translations for this mantra that worships the Sun God. I like this translation: “I meditate on the Great Radiant Light which enlightens all 3 worlds. May it enlighten me, too.”

It is said that chanting the Gayatri Mantra every day keeps the Field pure for family life. To hear the Gayatri Mantra chanted live by Deva Premal & Miten, please click on “Gayatri Mantra” anywhere it is typed in this blog article.

May all beings everywhere rest in Radiant Light.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Light on Teja’s kitchen table taken by Teja Shankara.

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Lately I have been reviewing the Reiki Study Guide written my Reiki Teacher, William Bagley. As part of my spiritual practices, I regularly make vows, commitments, and intentions. Today I committed to doing the following practice: each day I will read aloud the following vows and visualizations/intentions and allow them to create a force of energy in my aura. I intend that the force of this spiritual practice will emanate from me and make more things possible around me. These vows and visualizations/intentions are adapted from William Bagley’s Reiki Study Guide.

Four Vows to Generate Healing Energy

1. I vow to have compassion towards all sentient beings and wish to do what I can to help alleviate their sorrow. I will make my livelihood based on serving the needs of sentient beings. I will help them end sorrow and the causes of sorrow. I will help them find happiness and the causes of happiness. I choose to develop my skillfulness and energy in order to transmute as much sorrow into joy as possible in each moment.

2. I vow to purify my subconscious mind of all craving, negativity, and confusion… I will dedicate myself to becoming enlightened for the sake of both myself and others… I realize that my own emotional energies can either uplift or hurt those around me. I choose to purify my mind so that I may remain a positive force in the lives of others.

3. I vow to develop all the potentials of my divine nature to their fullest… I surrender to the higher energies which want to evolve me further and lovingly release all the life patterns which do not serve my growth. I will not settle for attaching to and indulging in material comfort and sensory pleasures which are transitory and turn into pain when gone. I choose to use my time wisely for my growth and to support the growth of those around me. I choose to have enough material comfort and sensory pleasure to nourish me, while focusing more on evolving myself and experiencing the deeper joy that growth offers.

4. I vow to rest in my natural enlightenment and experience life moment to moment, deepening, expanding, stabilizing, and enriching this experience over time… simply being myself as I arise from oneness in each moment… I relax into being myself and let the mystery of myself unfold in each moment.

Healing Visualizations/Intentions

The Roar of the Lion. I AM. I exist. I am alive. I am here. I have created my life. Everything which has ever happened to me is something I have attracted, allowed, created, and interpreted into existence. I own my whole past as my creation. I forgive myself for any pain I created myself. I will not give my power to anyone outside myself. I will re-script my past from this view and change the thoughts which caused me pain. If anything painful happens to me, I will assume that some thought in me must be released. It is never anyone outside myself who causes me pain. The people I attract to myself reflect different sides of me.

The Violet Flame. I am a violet fire. I blaze through my body and cleanse it of all karma and all illness. I visualize myself blazing through every cell and purifying it. I am breathing the Violet Flame into a full blaze. I let it burn away all the past. I am clean. I am renewed.

Would you like to join me in reading these vows and visualizations/intentions aloud each day? Simply make the commitment to do so, and then let me know how it goes for you. Please email me anytime: teja@yogini-bliss.com 

May all beings know the Deep Bliss that arises from serving others.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Missouri River Sunset by Gregory Hayden. Photo of Teja in Autumn Love Swirling by Teja Shankara.

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