A few years ago, my boys came home from a morning walk and handed me a book that they’d found in a free pile. At that time I didn’t see how a book on aging and dying applied to my life, so I said thanks and put the book on the shelf. Well, recently I read and reviewed two books by Ram Dass: Be Here Now and Be Love Now (click on the book titles to read those reviews), and after that I just wanted to keep reading Ram Dass, so I pulled that old dusty free book off the shelf and I was delighted to discover what a gem it is!

Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying, by Ram Dass, is a very inspiring and encouraging book for people of all ages. Ram Dass wrote most of this book before having a major debilitating stroke, but then he went back and re-worked it with all that he’s learned from the experience of the stroke. It is beautifully written, deeply touching, and incredibly potent in its delivery of elder wisdom. 

A how-to manual for conscious aging, changing, and dying, this really is a must-read for all earnest spiritual seekers. As Ram Dass points out, every spiritual tradition agrees that preparation for death is the single most important spiritual practice. Indeed, when I was leading the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, I went through a phase in which we focused on death for about eight Monday evenings in a row! At that time, I read aloud many stories from an amazing book that I highly recommend, Graceful Exits: How Great Beings Die, by Sushila Blackman.

This morning, as I went back through Still Here, reading and re-reading the parts I had highlighted with big stars in the margins, what struck me the most was the way Ram Dass brings everything to the Soul level. Here are a few examples: 

“The Soul is here to learn… We have to be here to learn; otherwise our difficulties are truly meaningless.”

“As our minds begin to quiet down, we notice that the thoughts and feelings associated with meaninglessness come and go, and that there exists, in the space between these arisings, a way of being that is not affected by these mind-states. The Soul, we discover, seeks no meaning; it’s “meaning,” to borrow that Ego-concept, is self-evident. A flower does not question its meaning or right to exist; it simply is, and its purpose is joy.”

“I tried to go the renunciate’s way, to forget the needs of the body in order to avoid the suffering of the Ego. But the Soul depends on the Ego’s drama for its teachings. We have to be in the world to learn from it.”

“The Soul has no trouble with mystery at all. Mystery is the Soul’s element… we begin to rest in the mysterious present and let the future unfold as it will.”

Another poignant teaching in Still Here has to do with staying open to whatever pains come our way in life. Ram Dass explains that suffering often points the way to where our work is. He writes:

“Just as physical pain alerts us to troubles in the body, mental pain alerts us to where we need to be more conscious. In other words, our frustrations, anger, delusions, and so on become our greatest helpers in freeing ourselves from suffering. They point to where our Ego is trapped, and remind us to begin to shift our identity to the Soul level. They show where we are resisting change, where we are time-bound, and where we need to grow beyond past conditioning.” 

As a regular practitioner of Cultivating the Witness, I particularly liked the way Ram Dass describes working with intense pain:

“The only solution is to be on two planes at once: you have to enter the pain fully, and yet be in the Soul level at the same time. That’s fierce! You feel the full intensity of the pain, and at the same time you transcend it by being in the Witness state. Pain demands that you establish yourself simultaneously in Ego and Soul. What an incredible teacher it is.”

And what an incredible teacher Ram Dass is. As I am still here, sitting on my red couch sipping hot tea and reading spiritual teachings (after almost 8 years of that practice!), I am super grateful for all that Ram Dass has given, and continues to give, to help raise the consciousness of the human species.

May all beings rise above and beyond their pains, to rest in the level of the Soul.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja (still here on the red couch) with Still Here by Ram Dass, taken by Teja Shankara.

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Each week I pick an angel card, and occasionally I know instantly why I picked that particular card, but more often I discover the reason as the week goes along. That was certainly the case this past week when I turned over the Grace card. All week, I felt a sweetness when I looked at the card on my kitchen table, but it was not until last night that I understood its significance for me in this round of seven calendar boxes (a.k.a. “days”).

The week prior, whilst diving ever deeper into my spiritual practice of Cultivating the Witness, I had been noticing a familiar flavor of depression passing briefly through my system. I acknowledged it by saying to myself, ‘You were so excited about the New Year, fresh with possibilities, and now you’re feeling disappointed because your little mind is impatient and thinks nothing has happened.’ Of course then I coached myself into feeling better by recognizing all the blessings in my life and by cultivating gratitude for all the good that is most definitely happening.

So then this week, I witnessed myself indulging in some petty pleasure-pain pendulum sorrows, which culminated yesterday in a full-blown feeling sorry for myself state. Not knowing what else to do, I did what I often do in such a state: lit candles, burned incense around my temple cottage whilst chanting the Hanuman Chalisa (along with Krishna Das’ CD “Flow of Grace”), and began preparing a meal. Once I begin cooking in my kitchen, some kind of magic happens and regardless of my initial state, I am usually transformed by the process of conscious cooking whilst chanting the Names of God.

As I washed the vegetables, I suddenly became inspired to watch a film that had been on my to-watch list for a while, so once my food was ready, I selected the movie on Netflix and sat down to eat and watch… And that’s when the real Bliss hit! The meal tasted so amazing: tempeh sautéed in toasted sesame oil, soy sauce and spices; sunchokes and carrots roasted in olive oil and Himalayan krystal salt; and a very large handful of fresh cilantro. The film, Fierce Grace, about Ram Dass’ life since his stroke, was incredibly well done and oh, so inspiring. 

Currently I am reading Ram Dass’ book Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying, and it was sweet to see how that book fit into the overall process of his experiences before and after the stroke. Reading that book and now seeing that film has me once again inspired to look into doing hospice caregiving work with the dying. And amazingly, since everything in our lives is connected and leading us forward on our paths, my 97-year-old Grandma, who is close to dying and who has hospice care in her midwest home, called me on Skype video about ten minutes after I began watching Fierce Grace! Talk about Amazing Grace… Wow.

So I may think that I’m just a simple little nobody yogini in a cold (and windy!) town, but even a simple little alone evening can turn into the most potent and powerful Grace. I can still see my Grandma’s face saying into the computer screen, “You look as cute as ever!”

Big Gratitude!

May all beings everywhere experience Amazing Gratitude and Delightful Grace.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Teja’s simple vegan yogini evening taken by Teja Shankara.

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Each year on January 1^st, I spend some time writing in my new desk calendar and picking an angel card for the year. Spiritual practices like these help keep me grounded and focused here on the earthly plane… As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, for 2011 I picked Release, and the year was indeed filled with much painful release work. So on the evening of December 31^st, 2011, when I had the thought, ‘What if I pick Release again for 2012?” I was filled with a sense of dread, but then I quickly thought, ‘Well, if I pick it again, I’ll just have to approach it with a different attitude!’

I had no idea that those thoughts were a psychic “warning” of what was to come the next day… until the moment when I picked Release again for 2012! When I picked the card, I just sat there staring at it for a long time. It felt like time stood still, like all the gods and goddesses were just waiting to see what this yogini would do with that one! Honestly, at first I just could not grok the information… I sat there bewildered and wondering if I might indulge in a little screaming, crying tantrum yoga fit… but then I remembered that before picking the card I had lit candles and waved incense all around my temple cottage while chanting the Hanuman Chalisa (along with Krishna Das’ CD “Flow of Grace”), and I had asked my Beloved Gurus, Amma and Neem Karoli Baba, to please pick the angel card through me. Remembering that I had asked them to pick the card, I began to see the humor in it all, and I was reminded of something I recently read in Ram Dass’ book Be Love Now (which I will be posting a review of soon):

“If a situation seems full of cosmic irony, that’s probably your guru. If your life seems to be running on crazy coincidences and synchronicity, that’s the guru too. The guru’s a rascal, always playing with you, always showing you where you’re not.”

It sure does seem like a crazy bit of cosmic irony, that I would pick Release again this year, especially since I worked so hard in the month of December to release as much as possible so that I could be “done” with that work. Ha! Good one, Gurus! Guess I’m not done with that work after all… However, I do see the opportunity that this hilarity presents: in 2011, I released a lot through grief and sorrow, and now in 2012 I get to learn how to release in new ways. I intend to learn how to let go with happiness and joy and song and dance and gratitude!

By evening, I was in a very funny mood, so funny that during my sitting meditation time, I kept laughing out loud… I was laughing because I was witnessing the absurdity – after all I’ve been through in the past 8+ years – of the mental fascination that still remains with earthguy lilas and attractions. In my laughter, I saw the first glimmer of what is hopefully to come: boredom and non-interest in earthguy attractions, the same kind of total boredom I feel when people around me have conversations about alcohol. (I haven’t had a drink, not even a glass of wine, in over four years, and now I have no interest whatsoever in alcohol or stories about it.)

In that vision of my future brahmacharini self, I saw that the boredom with alcohol came naturally, and so will the boredom with unreal romantic lilas. I just need to trust and be patient and cultivate the witness in each moment… and I pray that I won’t need to endure any more painful dramas before the boredom comes!

This Year 2012, I intend to lovingly and laughingly release anything and everything that blocks me from being fully Tejaswini, the name that Amma gave me, which means full of Light, Radiant, and Bright.

I pray that my healing release work will ripple out and benefit the Whole. May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep this year. May all beings be happy and free. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s 2012 Release angel card by Teja Shankara.

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Do you ever feel strange, like you are simultaneously here and not really here? It is difficult to explain the experience in words, but it is something I have noticed since I was in high school. Back then I felt completely scared and freaked out by the sensation, so I went to the priest and told him about it. He gave me chocolate candies and soothing words, which comforted me, but then when I got to college, I again felt freaked out by feeling like I wasn’t really here, even though I knew I was here…

So, at that stage in the journey, I went to the university’s health clinic and signed up for some free counseling sessions with a psychology intern. He listened and diagnosed me with a “depersonalization disorder.” I can’t remember what I thought of that with my young 19-year-old brain, and I can’t remember if I did anything about it, except to continue trying to find depth and connection through alcohol and other bad habits…

This past week I have been feeling that strangeness again, only this time I have nearly a decade’s worth of studying Yogic philosophy in my brain, so I don’t feel afraid. Instead, I am thinking “Well, isn’t this an interesting experience!” Remembering that counselor’s assessment, that I was disconnecting from my personality, I now see that it is a normal – and welcome – part of the spiritual process of allowing the ego/personality to fall away so that the soul can radiate love in all directions. 

Experiencing different levels of consciousness simultaneously is nothing to be afraid of, if you have the proper framework for understanding the sensations. When I gaze at a basket full of bright holiday cheer, at the level of the physical senses I may feel delight, but that’s not all that’s going on in my multi-layered being… At the level of the soul, I might be traveling in and out of several dimensions in just a few seconds! It is like that for all of us, whether we are aware of it or not.

As my beloved teacher David La Chapelle would say, there’s a lot more going on (all the time) than what we see.

May all fear be cast away from the human species. May all beings dissolve into warm, bright Love. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of holiday cheer by Teja Shankara.

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As I mentioned in my last blog article (“Spiritual Purification through Releasing Impurities”), this year 2011 has required me to do a lot of release work. Although that work has been painful and exhausting, I am now seeing the Light at the end of the Dark Year of the Soul! The Light is shimmering through this amazing process that I am now witnessing in my being: I am now more healed and more whole than I have ever been… So Much Gratitude!

Even with all this healing and wholeness, I still relapse into negative thinking in some not-so-cheery moments, and when that happens, I ask ‘What is the point of it all? What is the meaning behind all the sorrows and suffering in this manifest realm?’ Rather than asking those questions to the void and remaining stuck in negativities, this past week I’ve been hearing an answer. The only answer that makes any sense to me right now is about Beauty. As I continue my journey of self-healing and self-love, I see that I need to be surrounded by and continuously creating Beauty.

For example, when I see a string of colorful lanterns glowing on the porch of a cute little house, that beauty fills me with such joy. Beauty feels like the healing balm for my soul at this stage in my evolution. Today, through the beautiful cedar sprigs and colored glass on my living room table, I am finding nourishment and meaning.

May all beings everywhere heal all their wounds and love themselves, deeply, deeply. May delightful visions of Beauty fill your heart with love now and always.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of cedar sprigs and colored glass by Teja Shankara.

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Several weeks ago I invited a dear friend over to chant and have lunch. He played my harmonium and led us in singing some beautiful chants. We sang Om Namah Shivaya, and also a chant that was new to me: Rama Ragava, Rakshamam; Krishna Keshavam, Pahimam. I dropped into a wonderfully deep, peaceful place inside myself, so then the rest of the day I couldn’t stop exclaiming, “Chanting is the Best Bliss on the planet!”

So then, this past Saturday evening, I attended the Ashland Amma Satsang, and I hadn’t been to an Amma Satsang since early September in Mt. Shasta City. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed it, until we were chanting the bhajans (devotional songs), and I was witnessing myself unwinding. I thought, ‘Wow, how did I get wound up so tightly again?’ And even as I thought that, I watched myself unwinding even more! In total awe, I reveled in the Bliss that arises from within when I am chanting the Names of God. 

Whilst reveling in the Bliss Energies, I was also tuning in to a beloved friend who was sitting right behind me. I received guidance to give him Reiki healing energies, so I asked if he would like to sit in front of me, and I would send Reiki into him by touching his back. He gratefully agreed, and for the remainder of the bhajans, I channeled Reiki energies while we sang the chants. Afterwards I said that was “Bhajan~Reiki”, and we both commented on how special that combination was…

Later, when I got home, I took the above photo of myself, trying to capture the Teja~Bhajan~Reiki~Bliss~State I was in! Combining Bhajan Bliss Energies with Reiki Healing Energies was super sweet and nourishing, and I was filled with incredible Gratitude for the experience.

May all beings everywhere experience the sweet nourishment of Divine Love.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

p.s. Today is my Grandma’s 97^th Birthday. Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Photo of Teja~Bhajan~Reiki~Bliss~State by Teja Shankara.

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Last Monday morning, before going to work, I picked an angel card for the week. I smiled when I saw the card – Light – and then I went about my day. Well, as often happens with the angel cards, as the week progressed I discovered why I had picked that particular card. Last Wednesday began Diwali (also written as Deepavali), the Hindu Festival of Lights! And, on Tuesday evening, I suddenly felt inspired to chant the Gayatri Mantra. That evening there were some negativities swirling in my brain, and as I cultivated the witness, I was intrigued to watch the effect that the Gayatri Mantra was having on those negative thought sensations. It was literally like watching the hot sun burn through some grey clouds.

The Gayatri Mantra is a mantra of brilliant Light. It is said to be the most ancient mantra, originating from a Vedic Sanskrit verse of the Rigveda. This sacred mantra is attributed to the rishi Visvamitra. The words are as follows:

Om bhur bhuvah svah
tat savitur varenyam
bhargo devasya dhimahi
dhiyo yo nah prachodayaat

There are many translations for this mantra that worships the Sun God. I like this translation: “I meditate on the Great Radiant Light which enlightens all 3 worlds. May it enlighten me, too.”

It is said that chanting the Gayatri Mantra every day keeps the Field pure for family life. To hear the Gayatri Mantra chanted live by Deva Premal & Miten, please click on “Gayatri Mantra” anywhere it is typed in this blog article.

May all beings everywhere rest in Radiant Light.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Light on Teja’s kitchen table taken by Teja Shankara.

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This morning the sunlight is shining through the pine needles outside my window, as another gorgeous autumn day is dawning in Ashland. I am breathing incredible Gratitude for my new work as medical assistant at Morningstar Healing Arts. The work is very satisfying and the people are so beautiful!

And, as I am ever cultivating the witness, I am watching the amazing ability of the heart to feel immense joy and immense sorrow at the exact same time. For the sorrow, I am fortifying myself today with this photo of Mt. Shasta.

May all beings everywhere open to Healing, within and without. May the Fire of Ram burn through all the sorrows of all the creatures on this sacred planet earth.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Mt. Shasta by Teja Shankara.

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My son Gabe took this amazing photo of the sun setting up on Mt. Ashland, the night of the Full Moon in July… After that night of speaking my intentions to the Full Moon, I posted a blog article entitled “Allowing Intentions to Manifest through the “I don’t know” Mantra!” Well, since writing that article, the hilarious (and sometimes not so hilarious) internal conversations have continued, and this morning the hilarity (and despair) of it all has prompted me to write the following article…

There are many “correct” expressions in the world of “manifesting intentions” – you’ve probably heard these a zillion times: “Follow your bliss and the money will follow.” “If you are in the flow, the Universe will support you.” “When one door closes, another door opens.” Well, what if these expressions were true in the 70’s and 80’s, and perhaps even in the 90’s, but they aren’t so true in this world of the present decade (whatever it’s called)? I mean, there are a lot more people on the planet now, and the gap between the rich and the poor has grown exponentially. There are nearly 1 billion people starving on this planet earth – are they finding open doors? 

Perhaps, with 7 billion people on the planet, if we were all truly “in the flow”, then the Universe would support us all, but that support would look quite different from the current state of affairs in which a small minority is very, very wealthy, while the masses are growing poorer each day. It is difficult to even contemplate this subject, because whether or not you are currently financially stable, when you read this article, perhaps you feel hopeless to help the situation in any positive way. I myself do not know the answers. I am simply sharing what is on my mind today. Please feel free to comment in the section below this article, and/or you can email me anytime: teja@yogini-bliss.com

May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep each night.

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of sunset on Mt. Ashland taken by Teja’s son Gabe.

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In April I posted a couple of Cultivating the Witness 101 blogs (“Watching Yourself” and “Managing Anger”) in which I described ways to practically apply the spiritual practice of Cultivating the Witness. Once you practice this skill for a while, you begin to see ways in which you can change certain habitual thoughts and reactions. So then, as you witness your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, you can also practice the art of re-framing them.

I’ll share here an example of something I have recently witnessed and then re-framed. Last week when I was visiting my Grandma, I asked her how she coped with the grief after my Grandpa died. I have heard her say this many times (my Grandpa died 17 years ago), but I wanted to hear it again. Even though others disagreed with the way she grieved, it worked for her. As she words it, “You just put it out of your mind – you put your mind on other things and stay very, very busy.” There is definitely something to be said for that attitude, especially when you consider the ancient Indian sutra: The mind becomes that which it dwells upon.

During the last day of that visit with my Grandma, I was witnessing my usual tendency to become overwhelmed with thinking of all the work I have to do when I return home. And right as I witnessed the overwhelm sensation creeping in, I thought of my Grandma’s words, and I immediately re-framed my thoughts. So after witnessing myself thinking, “When I get back to Ashland I have so much to do with launching my new business (Radiance Rising Reiki), and with relatives visiting that week, and with the boys starting school and soccer and…on and on”, I changed my thinking to: “I am so grateful for this opportunity to be very, very busy and to put that grief out of my mind.”

With so much Gratitude for the art of re-framing negative tendencies, I close today’s blog article with a wonderful quote from Be Here Now by Ram Dass: “You are being guided. In fact, the next message you need in the treasure hunt is exactly where you are when you need it. The message may be in the form of a teacher or a lover or an enemy or a pet or a rock or a chemical or a book or a feeling of great despair or a physical illness or the eyes of a person you pass on the street.” I am super grateful that the next message I needed came through my Grandma exactly where I was, sitting with her in the garden.

May all beings know Healing and Peace. 

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s Grandma’s garden taken by Teja Shankara.

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