Happy Birthday to Gandhi-ji, who was born 142 years ago today! I’m celebrating his life as I head off to a soccer game with my parents who are visiting this week… Life is crazy-busy-full right now, which is why I’ve been away from the Teja Blog.

If you have any questions (see “New Teja Blog Feature: Ask Teja!”), please email them to me: teja@yogini-bliss.com

Let’s all follow Gandhi-ji’s advice and strive to be the change we wish to see in the world!

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Mahatma Gandhi sourced from TopNews.in

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At the Monday evening Radiance Rising Circles, we’ve been focusing on death for several weeks. I’ve been reading stories from a wonderful book called Graceful Exits: How Great Beings Die – Death Stories of Hindu, Tibetan, Buddhist, and Zen Masters, by Sushila Blackman (Shambhala Publications, 2005). Amazingly, while the author (a devotee of Swami Muktananda), was compiling the death stories, she found out that she had advanced lung cancer, and she died less than two months after finishing the book.

In this gem of a book, there is a quote from the Dalai Lama about the importance of meditating on death. He says, “Awareness of death is the very bedrock of the path. Until you have developed this awareness, all other practices are obstructed.” The more we keep death in our awareness, the more we remember the impermanence of everyone and everything in this manifest realm. Ideally, that remembrance – that everything is changing – guides us to go inside and connect with our deepest Self, that is Pure Unchanging Bliss.

So what does that look like in our everyday lives? Ideally, it means that we see the importance of committing to a daily meditation practice. The only way to find true inner peace is by going inside and connecting with our deepest selves. To begin a regular meditation practice, or to find renewed inspiration for your established sitting practice, please read my pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. This book makes a really fabulous holiday gift and it’s on sale for just $5 through December 16^th.

May all beings realize the importance of raising their own vibrations through regular, daily meditation practice. World Peace begins with each person finding inner peace. As Gandhi-ji said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep.

May all beings know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of light in Japanese Garden (Lithia Park) by Teja Shankara.

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Photo by Ashley Marie - CC license

We create our realities with our thoughts. Cultivating the witness, that part of our minds that objectively watches everything we are, allows us to clearly see all of our thoughts. Through the power of watching our thoughts, we gradually change the way we perceive the world. We shift from viewing the world as a serious court of justice to seeing this universe as a joyous playground. Like gleeful children, we get to play and celebrate during this lifetime we've been given. On the playground we enjoy ourselves fully, even if sometimes we scrape our knees or get our hearts broken! No matter what pains we go through, we can't let the heartbreaks keep us from opening up and having a good time on the playground.

Here is a bit of news from the fun I'm having lately on the Tejaswini Playground ~

~ I continue to enjoy creating all kinds of vegan food combinations. This morning I heated up some leftover rice (long grain brown rice and wild rice), along with some walnuts, raisins, and dried cranberries. Then I stirred in some raw cacao nibs, cinnamon, and two potent powders by HealthForce Nutritionals: Vitamineral Green and MacaForce.  As I ate that incredibly delicious bowl of nourishment, I felt deep gratitude for all the organic vegan food that supports my temple body.

~ Even though I’ve still experienced some romantic-lila-related-sorrow in my being (despite continually focusing on my brahmacharya vow), the overall theme emerging in my life this past month has been one of gratitude, praise, and celebration. One day I ran into a woman who had attended the Radiance Rising Circle the night before, and she said, “So you’re a healer and a praiser?” I loved that so much – I hadn’t thought of myself as a “praiser” before, but indeed that is a large part of who I am.

~ Albert Einstein said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” I understand that the sorrow states that pass through my being are caused by an attachment to a certain person, so I am now consciously focusing my attention (again and again) on my goals for life. To that end, I wrote out the following intentions: attitude of Gratitude; positive thinking; enthusiasm; merging in Union with Lord Shiva; and serving others. Union with Shiva represents detachment and the Pure Bliss gained through detachment.  Anandamayi Ma, Blissful mystic and sage of India (1896-1982), describes the process of merging with Shiva in this way:

“Shiva, the Eternal Spirit, has resolved Himself into jivas, sentient beings, and every creature has to become reconverted again into Shiva. Just as water freezes into ice, and ice melts into water, so this play of transformation of Shiva into jiva and jiva into Shiva goes on and on through eternity.”  (Women of Power and Grace: Nine Astonishing, Inspiring Luminaries of Our Time, by Timothy Conway, Ph.D., the Wake Up Press, Santa Barbara, CA, 1995.)

~ As I am slowly building my Reiki energy healing practice (www.ashlandholistichealth.com), I have had the opportunity to enjoy some trades with other practitioners. One such trade was with a very gifted Tarot Card reader. Through the reading I received guidance to remember that everything serves Spirit and all energies are workable. One of the cards indicated that I should become the Master Alchemist and work with the energies associated with my current life situation.

~ A few weeks ago a brief stomach flu passed through my body. I went for acupuncture, and during the session a new mantra/affirmation/intention arose in me: “I am happy and healthy, and I WANT GOD!”

~ That affirmation echoed the little mantra that was buzzing in my head during the Radiance Rising Circle on Ammachi’s 57^th birthday: “I want to sit in circles with people singing to God until I die!” Here is one of my favorite quotes from Amma, the Hugging Saint from India, who is a Guru to millions of people (including me): “Life should blossom into total laughter. This is religion. This is spirituality. This is real prayer. God is the innocent, spontaneous smile that blossoms from within.” (Lead Us to Purity: A Selection of Sri Mata Amritanandamayi’s Speeches, 1990-1999, Compiled by Swami Jnanamritananda, M.A. Center, San Ramon, CA, 2007.)

~ At the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, my natural smile blossoms from within. The week after we celebrated Amma’s birthday, we honored the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi. I had already celebrated Gandhi-ji’s birthday at a fire circle on his actual birthday, but since I love birthdays, I brought his photo (with curly ribbons attached) to the Radiance Rising Circle too. In his honor we chanted to Sita and Ram, and sometimes I substituted, “Be the Change You Wanna See, Jai Jai Ram,” for the traditional Rama mantra, “Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram” (Victory to Lord Rama).

~ For more detailed musings about many of my life happenings, please follow this Teja Blog. Recent blog article titles include: “My Vegan Tempeh Dinner,” “An Abundance of Gratitude,” “Grounded at the Root,” “The Story of a Blessing Way Circle,” “Happy Birthday to Ammachi and to Gandhi-ji!,” “Vegan Risotto,” and “Nourished by the Light of the Divine Mother.”

~ Regular, daily spiritual practices continue to nourish and strengthen me. Through sitting in silent meditation morning and evening, and through cultivating the Witness, working with the chakras, chanting (singing) devotional songs, studying spiritual teachings, and serving others, I raise my vibration and strengthen my core. I feel so inspired to share these practices with others, because they have helped me so much on my journey.

~ In high school I was a cheerleader, and those cheerleading qualities of enthusiasm and passion still live in me. Now, instead of cheering for the Tigers to win the basketball game, I’m cheering for people to open their hearts through doing regular spiritual practices. That is why I wrote Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. In this easy-to-read pocketbook, I give basic instructions for beginning a meditation practice, and I outline the other practices that I do on the Raja Yoga Path. This book would make a great holiday gift for yourself and for many of your friends and family, so I recently put it on sale at half-price, through December 16^th, 2010. Please go to thhis website store to order your copies today! (Please note that 10% of every sale and donation on my website goes to Amma’s charitable organizations. www.amma.org)

~ A few nights ago, I attended an amazing event with renowned storyteller, author and mythologist, Michael Meade. Since he was promoting his new book, Fate and Destiny: The Two Agreements of the Soul, his dynamic presentation centered around fate and destiny. He explained that we are each born seeded with a destiny, and that destiny is hidden within the challenges of our fate. Through colorful storytelling, he imparted the message that we each have a responsibility to discover who we truly are and what gifts we have to give to the world. He ended the beautiful and inspiring evening with Rumi’s poem “Each Note.” Here is my favorite part of that poem:

God picks up the reed-flute world and blows.
Each note is a need coming through one of us,
a passion, a longing-pain.

Remember the lips
where the wind-breath originated,
and let your note be clear.
Don’t try to end it.
BE Your Note.
I’ll show you how it’s enough.

Go up on the roof at night
in the city of the soul.

Let Everyone climb on their roofs
and sing their notes!

Sing loud!

~ This autumn has been a particularly busy time for this yogini, because my two sons (ages 10 and 13) are now involved in sports and musical instruments, along with all the school stuff. The past few weeks I witnessed myself going through a cute little cycle of overwhelm, so this weekend I took a lot of time alone to remember that I am not the doer, and I am not in charge of time! Since last night was the final night of the 9-night Hindu festival, Navarathri, that honors Shakti, the Divine Feminine, I sat down with my harmonium and chanted to Kali Ma, the most fierce Hindu aspect of the Divine Mother. Kali represents Time, and She helps to conquer the illusions of the ego, such as me thinking that I’m really in control of time here! Again and again, I surrender my little will to the Divine Will.

May you enjoy the playground of your life.

May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and spiritual upliftment each day.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini 

Photos of Teja’s table and autumn tree by Teja Shankara. Photo of Teja in the creek by Vivek.

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I have always loved celebrating birthdays. This past week was a very special time for me, because I got to honor the births of two very high beings. On Monday, September 27^th, at the Radiance Rising Circle I led a celebration of my Guru Ammachi’s 57^th birthday. I put some curly ribbons on a framed photo of her, and we chanted along with a CD of Amma singing a bhajan (devotional song) called “Gopi Gopala.” I read some of her teachings, and then we shared the prasad of Fig Newman cookies. 

Then, on Saturday, October 2^nd, it was Gandhi-ji’s birthday, so I put the curly ribbons on his photo and took him along with me to a fire circle gathering that evening. During the opening circle, I said “THIS is how I want to live on this planet: under the sky and trees, in a sacred circle, dancing by the fire with live drumming.” Then I shared that I had brought my harmonium and would love to lead a chant to Sita-Ram, in honor of Mahatma Gandhi.

After dancing around the fire for a while, I set up the harmonium on a blanket in front of the drums. Before the chant, I explained that in Hindu cosmology, Lord Vishnu promises that any time humans are in trouble he will incarnate to help restore Dharma, Beauty, and Truth. Thousands of years ago he took birth as the beautiful, glistening blue being, Lord Rama, and Sita (Goddess Lakshmi) came to be his wife. Sita and Ram are the Eternal Union of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine, and they can also be viewed as the individual soul (Sita) in union with the Cosmic Soul (Rama).

Anytime we chant (sing) to a Hindu deity, we call in the energies that are associated with that deity. These actual energy states arise in our beings and also in the space around us. So chanting to Sita-Ram helps each of us to experience the Union with our deepest selves.

This was the first time that I had led a chant away from the Radiance Rising Circles, and it was fun, but also a bit challenging, because I had smoke in my lungs from dancing by the fire, and because there were so many drums! It was actually an amazing experience to be carried along so fast with that much drumming! It was definitely a new edge for me. In the playfulness of the moment, I changed the words to “Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram,” and instead chanted Gandhi-ji’s famous quote: “Be the change you wanna see, Jai Jai Ram."

That night when “we” got home, I was filled with incredible Gratitude as I snapped the photo of Gandhi and me. I thought of MC Yogi’s lyrics: “The word Mahatma, it means Great Soul, and it’s inside of us just waiting to unfold. If you follow your heart, and act real bold, next time it’ll be YOUR story that’s told.”

Last night I brought Gandhi-ji to the Radiance Rising Circle, so I could celebrate his birthday just one more time. We noted that a few years ago the United Nations declared his birthday, October 2^nd, to be the International Day of Non-violence. During one of the chants, I sang “Hallelujah, Hallelujah. Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna. Jai Sri Rama, Jai Sri Rama.” At the “Jai Sri Rama” part of the chant, I got blissfully lost in bhakti bhav, the mood or state of devotion, during which I felt an intense longing to merge with the Divine. And then, after reading some from Gandhi’s Book of Prayers, we shared prasad of fresh figs, and I was filled with Gratitude for yet another sweet circle.

May all beings everywhere have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep each night.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Gandhi-ji and Teja by Teja Shankara.

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Last night my older son had an interesting dream, in which we were in a boat on the ocean, and a woman was offering us fish and butter. Due to my vegan diet, I said no, and then suggested to the boys that we dive down and find some seaweed to eat instead!

Why do I choose to eat a vegan diet? I choose to not eat meat, fish, eggs, and dairy for many reasons: because I care about the suffering of the creatures, because I care about the environment of this Beloved Mother Earth, and because I care about the health of my body.

There is no denying that the creatures suffer. No matter how “humanely” or organically the animal products are produced, the creatures still suffer. More than doing a lot of research (and there is plenty of information available for the scientific types), I turned inward and meditated on the fish and animals, and then I could no longer find any justification for eating animal products.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Spiritual progress does demand at some stage that we should cease to kill our fellow creatures for the satisfaction of our bodily wants.” And Dexter Scott King, son of Martin Luther King, Jr., said the following: "Veganism has given me a higher level of awareness and spirituality." (Vegetarian Times, 10/95) I have found this to be true as well. Since I shifted to a vegan diet, my meditation practice has deepened and I feel more mentally clear and more spiritually awake. Now I more keenly sense the interconnectedness of all things.

Regarding the environment, I recently joined a page on Facebook, called The Green Club, which has very good information, including the fact that livestock production contributes more to global warming than all of the cars and trucks combined. For that reason, a town in Belgium has declared Thursdays to be meat and fish free days, and Paul McCartney has started a major campaign called Meat Free Monday.

There are also many studies indicating that vegans enjoy improved physical health. I feel so much bliss in my being when I am cooking organic vegan foods, and that bliss vibration goes into the food and then into the beings who eat the food. I am grateful that my son dreamt that I was suggesting we dive for seaweed instead of eating fish and butter. I see that as a positive sign, that he is integrating my vegan ethics into his being.

May all beings have food to eat each day. May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of organic produce from farmers’ market by Teja Shankara.

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On August 11^th I posted a blog called “Issues with Rama,” in which I outlined the things that bothered me when I read The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003). I posted the blog link on Facebook and received a few comments, but they did not help me resolve my issues with Rama. For the past four weeks I have felt an underlying distress at my inability to get back into devotion to Rama. During that time, I journaled, prayed, worried, and waited.

Earlier today, a thought passed through that did not seem to be part of my regular thinking mind. Rather, this thought kind of floated by, as if out on a screen somewhere beyond me. The thought was, ‘Couldn’t you just start chanting to Ram again, and just forget about all that?’ My rational mind quickly answered, ‘Nope – I gotta find true resolution in my own heart. I can’t just brush it aside and pretend to be resolved.’

So then, this evening, while cooking a pot of curried lentils and chanting along with my Mukti CD, I suddenly felt inspired to turn on a Krishna Das chant to Ram, “Shri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram.” (I searched YouTube, and couldn’t find the exact chant from his “Heart Full of Soul” CD, but I did find a video of him singing to Ram with beautiful illustrations from the Ramayana. To view, click here on Shri Ram Jai Ram.) As soon as I started chanting along with those beloved syllables, I fell on the kitchen floor sobbing.

There was no grand intellectual resolution in which I suddenly understood everything that Rama did. Rather, there was one instant of feeling the Pure Love that is Ram. It really was as simple as just chanting Ramanama, the holy Name of Lord Ram. From the depths of my heart I wept, feeling the sweetness of that Reunion.

The funny thing is, about an hour before falling on the floor sobbing, I took this photo of myself, and I named it “teja_bhakti.” At the time, I didn’t understand why I named the photo that, since I wasn’t feeling any more devotional than usual, but once I fell into Love with Rama again, I realized the significance of the photo’s name. Indeed, I am back in Rama Bhakti, the Devotion to Ram. I am thinking about Rama and Sita’s Pure Love and understanding the devotion between them.

I am thinking of Gandhi-ji, and how he uttered “He Rama,” which means “Oh God,” even as his assassin shot him in the chest. And I am also thinking of my Guru, Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, and how he said “Ram” repeatedly throughout his days.  During my little bout of issues with Rama, I tried to tell myself that Gandhi-ji and Neem Karoli Baba-ji loved Rama, so I should too, but that didn’t work because I needed to find it for myself. Now that I have found the Love for Rama in my heart once again, I feel so relieved. Jai Sri Rama!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Bhakti by Teja Shankara.

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Brahmacharya is a Sanskrit word that is used in several ways. In the context of this blog post, it means taking the vow of celibacy to focus purely on spiritual studies and practices. A Brahmachari is a male (and Brahmacharini a female) who observes sexual abstinence and devotes one’s life to surrendering to God. To read a much more detailed description, click on the word “Brahmacharya” above to link with the Wikipedia page.

I am a western yogini who is straddling two worlds. For several years I have been longing to renounce and be a sannyasini (female renunciate, like a nun in western terms), but I have not been able to take the required brahmacharini vow because of the strong seductive pull of the romantic lilas. “Lila” is a Sanskrit word that means “divine play” or “divine sport.” All of our human interactions can be viewed as lilas – as “God playing or sporting with God.” (For an entertaining read about some of my romantic lilas, in the context of me learning to apply spiritual teachings to break free from an addictive love pattern, check out my spiritual memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, by my former pen name, Rita Ann Shankara.)

My spiritual teacher, who is named Basil in my books, left his body in July 2009, at a time when I was already going through some intense heartbreak. That would have been a really good time to take the brahmacharini vow, but I just wasn’t ready yet. Instead, despite all that I’d learned on the yoga path, I sought to escape all the grief and pain through some unhealthy romantic lilas. After nearly a full year of that, I realized that I needed to take the brahmacharini vow. For the first time, I knew that I could commit to at least six months, and maybe even twelve months. After taking the brahmacharya vow, I spoke with several women who had taken the same vow in the past, and they had really great experiences with it. Two of the women had started out like me, committing to a small bit of time, and then they just kept extending that time, until each of them ended up being brahmacharinis for 4 years.

Many modern brahmacharis commit to the vow for life, such as Mahatma Gandhi. He embraced the vow permanently at age 38. Swami Vivekananda spoke clearly about the importance of taking the vow for a minimum of 12 years! He said, “That power comes to him who observes unbroken Brahmacharya for a period of twelve years, with the sole object of realizing God. I have practiced that kind of Brahmacharya myself, and so a screen has been removed, as it were, from my brain.” (Wikipedia, on Brahmacharya.)

After I took the vow, I felt so great for over one month. I felt incredibly centered in my own being and in my own energies. I experienced many deep states of Bliss. I remembered again and again that the only True Bliss Channel is INSIDE, and I understood clearly that looking for Bliss externally brings inevitable sorrows.

But then, about ten days ago, the sorrow in my heart rose up again. No amount of intellectual rationalizing could stop me from crying. As I cried, I mentally reviewed the situation over and over again: ‘I’m in love with someone who I can’t be with, and the lilas involved in that situation were draining my energies. I want to surrender to God and give my life to serving others, and that is hard to do when I’m distracted by the magnetic pull of the lilas. I need to remember that I took the last name Shankara in order to be a bride of Shiva. It is my intention to keep my attention on the Highest Light.’

So, even with the brahmacharya vow, I continue to straddle two worlds. Last night I bowed down before my Gurus (Neem Karoli Baba and Ammachi), and asked for Acceptance of what IS. I’m a western yogini who aspires to renounce, but clearly isn’t ready to do so! I guess I just have to accept that I’m a sannyasini-wannabe!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja in sorrow by Teja Shankara’s ten-year-old son.

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The Name Rama (also called Ram) has been very special to me for several years. I can’t remember exactly when my Guru, Sri Sri Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji found me, but I’m guessing it was almost six years ago. Neem Karoli Baba left his body in 1973, when I was three years old, living on a farm in Indiana, so I did not meet him in person. Rather, he came to me in dreams, and I read many books about him. I have also experienced his Presence through the kirtan artists who did spend time with Maharaj-ji in India: Krishna Das, Jai Uttal, and Bhagavan Das. I consider those three to be my spiritual brothers, and I bow to each of them with immense gratitude for the potent and transformative healing chants that they share with the world.

Since my association with Neem Karoli Baba began, I have felt strongly drawn to Rama, Sita, and Hanuman, the main characters of The Ramayana, the famous epic tale that was channeled in ancient India by the Sanskrit poet-sage Valmiki.

About five years ago, I read a short, sweet version of The Ramayana, which was kind of like reading the CliffsNotes. I recommend this book for those who just want to hear the basic story and see the beautiful illustrations by B.G. Sharma. Written by Ranchor Prime, it is entitled The Ramayana: A Tale of Gods and Demons (Mandala Publishing, San Rafael, CA, 2001, 2004).

In the spring of 2009, I was blessed to attend a weekend kirtan retreat with Jai Uttal (and tablas player Daniel Paul) at Breitenbush Hotsprings. Each evening, Jai told us stories from The Ramayana, adding his hilarious modern-day touches along the way. Inspired by his fabulous storytelling, and hungry to dive deeper into the ancient tale, I asked him which version to read next. He suggested The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003).

A few months ago I began reading that version, and I carried the book with me in June when I went to see Ammachi at her ashram near San Ramon, California. One morning there, while watching Amma give hugs, a young man sitting behind me spotted my book, and he struck up a conversation with me. He lives in America now, but he grew up in India, and his parents still live in India. He was curious to know what I thought about Rama sending Sita away in the last book of The Ramayana. I said that I hadn’t gotten to that part yet in this version, but I was familiar with the storyline, and I just accepted it. He said that he believes it is important, as spiritual seekers, to question everything, including Rama’s actions. He said that when he asked his mother about why Rama sent Sita away, she said that Rama did what he had to do in his role as a king ten thousand years ago. (Give or take a few thousand years.) At the time, I didn’t feel any conflict within myself about Rama’s actions.

About a week after returning home from Amma’s, my boys and I watched the very creative film Sita Sings the Blues, made by American artist Nina Paley. (Click on the film title here to view the movie on YouTube.) I very much enjoyed this comical version of The Ramayana, and I still did not feel any question about the love for Rama inside my heart.

But then I came to certain parts in Ramesh Menon’s Ramayana, and suddenly I began to feel some discomfort with certain things that Rama said and did. I am not sure if these parts are true to the original Valmiki Ramayana, or if they are influenced by Ramesh Menon’s interpretation, but I will share them here because they are the cause of my current issues with Rama.

The part of me that is uncomfortable with conflict just wants to resolve this as quickly as possible. That part of me says, “It is just your ego talking – how can you, with your limited state of mind, question Rama, a Divine Incarnation?” That part of me believes that Neem Karoli Baba-ji and Gandh-ji had total devotion to Rama for good reasons, and so, based on their Love of Rama, I could also just keep loving Rama with total devotion. But then I remember what the young man said to me at Amma’s. He said that when issues come up for us, even issues with God, we can’t just trust what others say – even what the saints say – but rather, we have to resolve the issues within our own hearts.

So now I will outline my issues with Rama, with quotes from Ramesh Menon's Ramayana. I welcome feedback on these points.

After the demon king Ravana kidnaps Rama’s wife Sita, Rama grieves the loss of his beloved. His grief is almost unbearable, and were it not for the support and encouragement of his brother, Lakshmana, Rama might have perished from the grief. Before I took the brahmacharya celibacy vow one month ago, I found Rama’s grief to be charming, as I could totally relate to the deep sorrow involved in that longing for union. However, since taking the vow of brahmacharini, I see Rama’s grief as borderline pathetic! (Soon I will write a blog about my experience with taking brahmacharya.)

Then, during the war, when Rama thinks Lakshmana is dead, he cries out, “Lakshmana, how will I live when you are gone? I may find another Sita if I comb the earth, but I will never find another Lakshmana.” What? After all that grief over Sita, now he says he can replace her if he combs the earth? Now he loves Lakshmana more than Sita?

Then, after the war, he speaks coldly to Sita, saying: “I came because of dharma…. Do not think for a moment, Sita, that I came for your sake.” What? Ouch. That must have cut Sita’s heart like a knife. So then, bold as she was, she steps into the flames of a huge fire to prove her purity. The Lord Brahma appears and tells Rama that Rama is the Lord Vishnu Incarnate and Sita is the Goddess Lakshmi Incarnate… AND, Agni Deva, the God of Fire Himself, gives Sita to Rama unsinged and tells Rama that Sita is purer than he (Agni) is!

So then, Rama says to Sita, “Forgive me, my love, that I was so cruel to you. Not for a moment did I doubt your chastity.” Oy! Yes he did doubt her.

Then, once back in their kingdom in Ayodhya, when the people doubt Sita’s purity, instead of Rama saying, “Look, I am an Avatar of Vishnu and Sita is Lakshmi, and Agni did not burn her since she is so pure,” he said that it was the dharma of a king to keep his honor for the people. He says, “… I brought her home to Ayodhya, knowing she was perfectly untainted, in body and mind. But the people are not convinced. They judge her by their own lives, their own beliefs.” So then he tells Lakshmana, “… a king’s first dharma is to his subjects. Take Sita to the Rishi Valmiki’s asrama and leave her there.” He knew that she was pregnant (with their twin sons), but he didn’t stand up for her at all?

Although Rama did suffer tremendously over his grief at sending Sita away, he held firm to following his dharma, saying, “A king’s only dharma is the welfare of his people. They must rule whatever I do; my life belongs to them.”

Then, years later, at a big forest sacrifice gathering, his sons, Lava and Kusa, sing The Ramayana, and, hearing his own story, Rama realizes that these are his sons. So then he asks for Sita to come and swear an oath of purity for the sake of their sons’ future! The Great Rishi (Sage) Valmiki says, “Rama, you abandoned this Sita, who is purity itself, near my asrama. You were afraid of what the world thought of her and said of her. Why, it seems to me you doubt her yourself, that you ask her to come here and swear an oath.” So Rama tells Valmiki that he never doubted Sita’s purity, but he still asks her to come swear the oath.

So! Bhumi Devi, the Earth Goddess Herself, takes Sita back, proving Sita’s purity once and for all. Rama sobs and roars in fury at the Earth. He’s so enraged that Brahma has to appear to console him, saying, “Calm yourself, Rama. Sita is in Nagaloka, with her mother. You will find her again, after this life.”

After Sita left the world, Rama kept his kanchana (golden) Sita with him and he never even looked at another woman. Now this level of devotion and integrity I can totally respect, given my propensity (in the PAST) to attract men of the polyamorous persuasion.

Rama ruled for ten or eleven thousand years (depending on your source), and it was a time of utter grace on earth, but after Sita left the world, “he himself was always lonely, and pined for her.” Again, I’m inclined to use the word “pathetic,” but then I guess that is how jivas (individual souls) are, when we forget our Union with Shiva (God). But why did Rama forget, even after Lord Brahma told him clearly that he, Rama, was an Avatar of Lord Vishnu? Some say he forgot because, like us, he was in a human body living in the world, and like us, he regularly forgot his Divinity, and like us, he suffered because of that forgetfulness.

Then, when Rama has to banish Lakshmana to fulfill an agreement with Yama (Death), he again shows more love for Lakshmana than for Sita. Menon writes, “He was more stricken, even, than when he had sent Sita away from Ayodhya.”

After all the grief and loss, the story has a very cool ending. When it is time for Rama to leave this world, he becomes Vishnu again: “Rama melted into that light; he was that light.” And all the people who were devoted to him (Ramabhaktas), followed him out of this world: “In waves, like a river flowing into the sea, that throng of Ramabhaktas walked into the Sarayu. As soon as the holy water touched them, their mortal bodies dissolved and they rose up in resplendent forms of light…. When the last of his bhaktas has ascended, Rama himself rose out of this world…. And there, Sita, who is the Devi Lakshmi, waited for him.”

So the story has a good ending, but it left me feeling very conflicted about Rama’s actions. Was he indeed the perfect man? Some say yes, because, for a king in that age, his dharma to his people was impeccable. I’m not yet convinced, but I long to restore the feeling of Love and Devotion for Rama in my heart.

I highly recommend Ramesh Menon’s Ramayana. It is so beautifully and poetically written. Even with all this inner turmoil going on inside me about Rama, I intend to begin reading Menon’s Ramayana again very soon.

Lately I have been doing some forgiveness work, with the intention of forgiving a few people in my life, and with the intention of forgiving myself. So I say, out loud, “Teja, I accept your choices. I forgive you. I love you.” (I also say that to the other beings I am intending to forgive.) Somehow I need to come to the place where I feel resolved with Rama in my heart, so that I can sing his name loudly again. Perhaps soon I will be able to say, “Rama, I accept your choices. I forgive you. I love you.”

I offer this blog article to Sri Sri Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, Beloved Guru of Endless Grace. Oh Maharaj-ji, please help me to reunite with Rama in my heart. Please let me again feel the Fire of God and the Ocean of Grace merging in Sita-Ram. Please may this reading and contemplation of The Ramayana cleanse my soul of all impurities.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Fire and Ocean by Teja Shankara.

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Yesterday was Hanuman Jayanti, the Hindu festival day that marks the birth of Hanuman-ji, the monkey god who helped Lord Rama rescue Sita from the demon Ravana in the ancient Indian epic tale, the Ramayana. Before the modern age of television, all across India it was customary for people to gather in the evenings to tell the Ramayana. Listening to the enchanting stories from the 24,000 verses composed by the poet-sage Valmiki, people were inspired to remember who they truly were, deep in their own hearts. Night after night after night, they laughed, they cried, and they went home to dream of the Ramayana.

The Ramayana offers many teachings that are still valuable to us today. In this article I will share one way that we can each apply this ancient tale to our daily lives, but first I will explain my personal journey with the Ramayana and with Hanuman.

I first read the Ramayana about five years ago. The version I chose was short, and a bit dry, but I think it is a good introduction to the story. It is called Ramayana: A Tale of Gods and Demons, by Ranchor Prime. (Mandala Publishing, San Rafael, CA, 2001, 2004.) I especially like the sepia-toned paintings by B.G. Sharma that grace the pages of this thin volume.

Last April I had the good fortune to attend a kirtan (call and response chanting) retreat led by Jai Uttal (accompanied by tablas player, Daniel Paul), at Breitenbush Hotsprings. Each evening, after we finished chanting, Jai told us the stories of the Ramayana, adding hilarious modern-day touches along the way. I asked for his recommendation on which version to read next, and he suggested the one that I am now reading, by Ramesh Menon. It is called The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic. (North Point Press, New York, 2003.) In the introduction, Menon writes: "More than anything else, reading the Ramayana brings the reader close to the noble, holy, and living spirit of Rama. Regardless of which religion one professes, or if one is an agnostic or an atheist, the touch of Rama's spirit is a profound, healing contact." He goes on to say that reading or listening to the Ramayana purifies one's soul.

Almost one year ago I purchased Krishna Das' CD "Flow of Grace" which contains six versions of the Hanuman Chalisa, a 40-verse prayer that extols the virtues of the Hindu monkey god, Hanuman. I committed myself to chanting the Hanuman Chalisa at least once each day, beginning April 30th, 2009. Usually I chant along with the one that is only 8:22 minutes long. For about 8-9 months, I sang along with the CD while reading the Sanskrit words in the accompanying booklet, and then one day, to my pleasant surprise, I discovered that I had memorized it and could close my eyes and sing along with the whole 40 verses without looking at the words. I felt like a gleeful child who had just learned how to ride a bike with no hands!

So yesterday, since it was Hanuman's special day, I baked a vegan chocolate cake while chanting the Hanuman Chalisa the whole time. Then I took that cake with me to my weekly Radiance Rising Circle last night, and we had a festive Birthday Party for Hanuman. I read a story about Hanuman, then we listened to Krishna Das' "Ring Song" while eating the chocolate cake that was infused with Hanuman's qualities. Hanuman is first and foremost known for his extreme devotion to Rama and Sita. Rama (also called Ram) and Sita represent the eternally perfect union of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. Hanuman found this treasure of Union within his own heart, and this Union also exists within all of our hearts

In Hinduism, there is One Absolute Reality, that in the West we call One God, and that One includes everyone and everything in one continuous web of energy and vibration that is essentially Pure Love. This Love lives inside of all of our hearts all the time. The thousands of gods and goddesses in the Hindu pantheon are all different aspects of the One Love Reality. The different gods and goddesses are reflected in the many written scriptures and mythologies in India, and they are also actual energy states that can be invoked within and without one's being. So, through chanting to Hanuman, we can awaken his qualities within ourselves and in the environment surrounding us. Hanuman's qualities are devotion, super-hero strength and courage, and wisdom.

The Ramayana is a tale about the battle between good and evil, and it is a very moving love story, and it is full of multi-leveled spiritual teachings. Along with the Bhagavad Gita, it was very close to Gandhi-ji's heart. When Gandhi was a boy, his nurse gave him his mantram, and he repeated it throughout the many days of his life. Even as his assassin's bullet entered his chest, Gandhi-ji said it: "He Rama," which means "O God.

So how can we each apply this ancient tale to our daily lives? We can use this tale as a tool to help us remember who we truly are. One of the most beautiful themes in the Ramayana is remembrance of one's true nature. Even though Rama is an avatar, an incarnation of Lord Vishnu, and Hanuman is an incarnation of Lord Shiva, they still forget their true nature and need to be reminded of it. We also forget who we are and need to be reminded. We are spiritual beings who get caught up in this temporary physical realm. We do need to be in the world and do our part to make the world a better place, but we can do our part with the awareness that we are not just the body-mind. When we remember that we are one with our souls, and that we are one with all other souls, then we can do our part more efficiently, with more pure love in our hearts.

It is comforting to know that even a super-hero like Hanuman can't always remember his inner connection with Divinity. Like him, we forget and then we remember. Each time we connect with the Pure Love inside our hearts, we bring this radiant jewel forth and shine it in the world around us. When we remember who we truly are, we gain a quiet strength, a profound spiritual strength that enables us to take positive actions in the world. It was through the power gained through his regular daily spiritual practices, such as meditation, chanting, and studying the Ramayana, that Gandhi-ji was able to be such an instrument for change in India.

(To begin doing regular daily spiritual practices yourself, check out my new pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. This book is now in print, and it will be discounted on this website store through April 10^th, 2010.)

As we realize that all of our hearts are connected in one continuous web of energy and vibration, then we understand the importance of going within to purify our hearts and minds of any negativities that might harm others. We each have a responsibility to raise our levels of consciousness. Peace on earth begins with each of us finding peace within. Studying the Ramayana is one way to cleanse ourselves and remember who we truly are, deep in our hearts. As more and more of us commit ourselves to this daily remembrance, the radiant light of our souls will warm and heal this world.

Happy Hanuman's Birthday to you!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Flower photo by Blue Turban Photography, CC license.

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In a recent blog article ("Freedom from Addictions to Television and to Anxieties"), I wrote about the importance of each of us working to lessen our personal anxieties because we are all connected in one continuous web of energy and vibration. We each affect everyone else. As the Collective Anxiety rises all around us, we can each do our small part to lessen the Collective Anxiety by first lessening our personal anxieties. As Gandhi-ji said, we first have to BE the change that we wish to see in the world.

While Mahatma Gandhi is best known for his non-violent political struggle that led India to gain independence from the British, he was also extremely committed to doing his own personal inner work. He valued meditation and other spiritual practices so highly that each day he led morning and evening interfaith prayer services. It was the calm inner strength that he gained through incredible self-discipline that enabled him to be so powerful in his work in the world.  We too can gain the same inner strength that he gained, if only we will sit still and go within. This is a challenging time in which to sit still, but we each have that inherent ability within us.

Meditation is an inherent physiological ability that we can learn and practice. Once we commit to a daily meditation practice, that commitment sets into motion a whole range of changes within us. Our inner being really wants our attention, so when we make the conscious decision to turn our attention inward, all of the deepest parts of ourselves jump up with excitement, saying "yes, look at us!" In our busy, modern world, our attention is so divided and so scattered outward in millions of little directions, and this contributes significantly to our anxiety levels. When, like Gandhi-ji, we commit to turning inward for a little time each day, we begin to calm ourselves from the inside out.

During meditation and during our daily lives, we can practice cultivating the witness, that part of ourselves that objectively watches everything that we are. To learn more about cultivating the witness and other spiritual practices, check out my new pocketbook, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living. (This book is at the printer now. Pre-orders are discounted on this website store through April 10th.)

As I said in the last blog about freeing ourselves from anxieties, two ways to lessen our anxiety levels are through affirmations and inspirations. I say positive affirmations out loud when I go out on my walks. Regular exercise is super important for reducing anxieties, and saying affirmations out loud while moving the body helps to re-pattern the brain. I can personally attest that this works, because I had been saying affirmations to build strength (on all levels - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) for the past couple of years, and just a few weeks ago I noticed that I don't need to say those particular affirmations anymore because all parts of my being now know that I am strong. 

In addition to saying affirmations, it is essential that we regularly find things that inspire us. Recently I explored a website that really inspired me (www.projectrestoration.com). I became a member and had to choose the two "clans" that I resonated with. I was really drawn to the Butterfly (lovers of life who celebrate) and the Wolf (rogues who awaken), but in the end I chose the Lion (artists who create and harmonize) as my secondary and the Raven (healers who heal) as my primary clan. That decision-making process allowed me to hone in on a vision of who I am now. As I delve deeper into the Reiki healing path, I am inspired to channel more and more healing energy through me, as my service to others.

Reiki, pronounced "Ray-key," is a gentle energy healing system that can be offered directly (hands-on, with clothing on), and also remotely through visualization and intention. In addition to giving Reiki healing sessions locally, I also send Reiki energy to Haiti (and other places that need healing), and to friends in other countries.

Recently I was talking on the phone with a dear girlfriend, and we were scheduling a time when I could give a Reiki healing session to her and to her nine-year-old daughter. While we were talking, suddenly about 25-30 crows landed on the street in front of my cottage. I wondered if the crows were somehow connected with the Reiki session we were planning, so  later in meditation I tuned in, and received guidance to purchase a little stuffed crow to give her daughter. The following week when we met, I gave them each a Reiki healing, and then I gave them each the level one attunement, a ritual that enables the receiver to channel the healing energies to heal themselves and others. I gave the stuffed bird to her daughter and told her that it would be her "Reiki crow," that she could use as her assistant when giving Reiki healing energy to others. She really liked that, and I was pleased to hear later that both mother and daughter are really enjoying the Reiki energy. I will be writing more about this ancient healing art in future blogs. As with all energy healing systems, when you receive the Reiki healing energy with openness, the energy relaxes your system.

Anything that relaxes our systems helps to free us from our unconscious addiction to anxious energies. Taking the time to be still each day helps us to identify the anxious energies. Once we witness the presence of anxieties, then we need to take actions to reduce them. When I witnessed the anxious energies passing through me last week, I patiently tried one thing after the next until they finally relaxed. I can't say for sure what caused the transformation, but after going for an invigorating walk in the pouring rain and hail with a close friend, I suddenly felt the anxious state pop, and I watched as I shifted back into a vibration of Trust. After watching the swirling anxieties that had been upsetting my body-mind for several days, I felt so much gratitude to be back in the calm, blissful state!

Now that I am once again centered in yogini bliss purpose, I intend to focus on sending healing energies out to reduce the Collective Anxiety. I am grateful for the inspiration to identify myself with the energy of the Raven Clan. After linking with Raven, I looked up Raven in a book called Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals, by Jamie Sams & David Carson. (Bear & Company, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 1988), and I was delighted to read that Raven is the guardian of distance healing! How perfect.

Everything is happening in perfection. When we take the time to go within and get to know our inner beings, then we understand our innate perfection, and this understanding calms us so that instead of contributing to the Collective Anxiety, we send out healing energies that help lessen the Collective Anxiety. Let's all commit to doing this inner work, so we can be the change that we wish to see in the world.

With so much gratitude in my heart for the example that Gandhi-ji set for us...

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini


Raven photo by Larry Page, CC license

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