One of my spiritual disciplines is writing regularly in a journal. My rather large collection of journals even includes some from childhood. I enjoy looking through them occasionally, to remember different phases of my life and to gain perspective on the time-line of the journey. At the end of each journal, I feel some sadness in letting it go, but then the next one invites me forward into its pages.

A few years ago, I began purchasing blank sketch pads and decorating the covers myself. I originally began this practice to save money, but it has evolved into a delightful expression of what is important to me at the start of each journal.

I just began a new journal a few weeks ago, and I’ve attached a photo of its cover here with this blog. The hawk gives me strength every time I look at it. (Hawk photograph by Barbara A. Brundege, from a greeting card printed by Pomegranate Communications, Inc.) I looked up “hawk” in Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power through the Ways of Animals (by Jamie Sams and David Carson, Bear & Company, Santa Fe, NM, 1988), and they write: “The shrillness of Hawk’s call pierces the state of unawareness, and asks you to seek the truth.”

Beneath the hawk, I placed three Indian Gurus. The first, on the bottom left of the collage, is Sri Ramakrishna (1836-1886), an ecstatic saint who represents the Bliss of total Surrender to Kali Ma, the Hindu Goddess of Time, Death, and Transformation. The middle image is of my Beloved Guru, Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji (who left his body in 1973), whose Grace infuses my heart with love for Sri Hanuman, the monkey god who is utterly and endlessly devoted to Lord Rama.

The bright shining Light on the bottom right is my other Beloved Guru, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, popularly known as Ammachi or Amma. She is a world saint who embodies Pure Love as she hugs millions of people and launches incredibly effective humanitarian projects in India and abroad. (www.amma.org) Above the photo of Amma giving a hug, I placed a small image of Lord Shiva, because Amma is One with the Divine Mother, and the Divine Mother turns her devotees into Shiva, the Hindu god of destruction. Any time something gets destroyed, it creates space for something new to arise, so Lord Shiva is actually the god of transformation. He helps us to dissolve our limited attachments and desires, so that we can experience the Bliss of our True Non-Attached Selves.

Inside this new journal, I pasted an image of Kali Ma and Hanuman-ji working together to rid a devotee of all his attachments. I feel so inspired looking at these images, and I bow down, asking for a deeper state of Surrender.

Jayanti Mangala Kali! Victory unto Thee, Auspicious Mother Kali!

May all beings everywhere know the Bliss of Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja’s journal cover by Teja Shankara.

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“Teja, Surrender. Teja, Surrender. Teja, Surrender.” As I listened to the Radiance Rising Circle attendees say those words during my turn of the introductions, I witnessed myself taking it in on a very deep level. Despite my resistance to the cold weather season, there is something about the chill in the air that makes it easier for me to go deeper inside myself.

That evening, after we each said our names and the qualities that we’d like to call into our lives, we chanted to Kali Ma, the Hindu Goddess of Time, Death, and Rebirth. Kali is a fierce aspect of the Divine Mother, but her ferociousness arises out of her Deep Compassion to help free us from our limited selves. Her many weapons and garlands of human skulls represent her ability to help us cut through our egos, thus freeing ourselves from attachments, expectations, and illusions of all kinds. In short, singing to Kali Ma calls in an energetic vibration that quickly assists in surrendering the little self and experiencing the Bliss of the True Self.

After chanting to Kali Ma, I read from the teachings of Sri Ramakrishna, an ecstatic, mad-for-God saint who lived in India, 1836-1886. He said, “You should ceaselessly affirm, with every breath, every heartbeat, every action and intention: “I am freedom from every limitation. I am the principle of timeless awareness.”  And, here is a verse from one of his love songs to Kali:

The bright face of the Goddess,
Her tender and ecstatic Gaze,
melts every heart in creation,
causing the universe to fall in love.
At Her dark blue Lotus Feet,
long-haired yogis and yoginis
are dancing with abandon,
transcending all convention.
The victory is Yours alone,
O blissful Mother.
Victory unto Thee!

(Great Swan: Meetings with Ramakrishna, by Lex Hixon, Larson Publications, Burdett, NY, 1992.)

As I continue my yogini journey of Surrender, I am continually amazed by the multi-layered, on-going process of surrendering. For most of us, surrendering isn’t something that happens in one big, grand “Ah-Ha” moment, but rather Surrender is a practice that we engage in, surrendering again and again and again. This spiritual practice requires great patience, perseverance, and determination!

So the practice of surrender goes like this: again and again, with thoughts and words, affirm your desire to Surrender, and then, on the occasions when you actually feel yourself surrendering, it is very important to pause and take the time and space to really experience what the vibration of Surrender actually feels like in your being. Chanting (singing) songs to Kali Ma (or any aspect of Divinity that takes you deep) helps with vibrationally integrating the experience of Surrender.

May we each enjoy some Surrender and spread that vibration to others!

Mall all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of rose, leaves and light by Teja Shankara.

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Tonight is the fifth night of Navarathri, a nine-night Hindu festival that celebrates various aspects of Shakti, the Divine Feminine. At the Radiance Rising Circle last night we chanted to Durga and Kali (two powerful forms of the Divine Mother), and I read some teachings of Anandamayi Ma, a blissful mystic and sage who lived in India 1896-1982. She said, “Whether you worship Christ, Krishna, Kali or Allah, you actually worship the one Light that is also in you, since It pervades all things. Everything originates from Light, everything in its essence is Light.” (Women of Power and Grace: Nine Astonishing, Inspiring Luminaries of Our Time, by Timothy Conway, Ph.D., the Wake Up Press, Santa Barbara, CA, 1995.)

That reminds me of a passage from Reiki Master William Bagley’s Reiki Guide: “Light is not solid. Yet its pervasive and radiant quality is deeply satisfying. Love is light. It can touch our hearts everywhere and anywhere. We relax into this light and become light.”

I felt that deeply satisfying inner radiance during the circle last night, and also during a small home kirtan that I hosted Friday night for the first night of Navarathri. With fresh red roses in a vase next to Goddess Durga’s image, I relaxed into the bliss of chanting (singing) “Jaya Jagadambe ~ He Ma Durga” which means “Victory to the Mother of the Universe, ‘O Mother Durga.” I played harmonium, my son played violin, and a few friends played bells and drums. Just as we finished the last chant, I heard my son crunching a snack, and I heard the delightful sound of a baby breastfeeding. The little one in attendance had enjoyed the music so much, but he had grown tired and was ready to be nursed to sleep.

As I blissed out on the sound of a mother nourishing her child, I finished the last note on the harmonium, and I said quietly, “Gratitude to the Divine Mother who nourishes us throughout our lives: when we are babies, with breastmilk; when we are ten-years-old, with veggie booty; and when we are older, with chanting the Divine Names.”

My teacher, who I named “Basil” in my memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, once described the key qualities of the Divine Mother in this way: “She is always present, always nourishing, and always interested in our well-being.”

This morning when I first sat down to work, I looked out the window above the computer and saw a fawn trying to get under its mother. The mama deer hesitated – no wonder, since they were in the middle of the street – but then she surrendered and let the babe have a little nourishment… until the next car drove up! Unfortunately I could not get my camera out fast enough, but I did sit in Gratitude for being gifted with that moment of witnessing the sustenance of the Mother.

May all beings be nourished by the Light of Shakti. May all beings experience the Love and Warmth of the inner Radiance.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of deer in Lithia Park by Teja Shankara.

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On August 11^th I posted a blog called “Issues with Rama,” in which I outlined the things that bothered me when I read The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003). I posted the blog link on Facebook and received a few comments, but they did not help me resolve my issues with Rama. For the past four weeks I have felt an underlying distress at my inability to get back into devotion to Rama. During that time, I journaled, prayed, worried, and waited.

Earlier today, a thought passed through that did not seem to be part of my regular thinking mind. Rather, this thought kind of floated by, as if out on a screen somewhere beyond me. The thought was, ‘Couldn’t you just start chanting to Ram again, and just forget about all that?’ My rational mind quickly answered, ‘Nope – I gotta find true resolution in my own heart. I can’t just brush it aside and pretend to be resolved.’

So then, this evening, while cooking a pot of curried lentils and chanting along with my Mukti CD, I suddenly felt inspired to turn on a Krishna Das chant to Ram, “Shri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram.” (I searched YouTube, and couldn’t find the exact chant from his “Heart Full of Soul” CD, but I did find a video of him singing to Ram with beautiful illustrations from the Ramayana. To view, click here on Shri Ram Jai Ram.) As soon as I started chanting along with those beloved syllables, I fell on the kitchen floor sobbing.

There was no grand intellectual resolution in which I suddenly understood everything that Rama did. Rather, there was one instant of feeling the Pure Love that is Ram. It really was as simple as just chanting Ramanama, the holy Name of Lord Ram. From the depths of my heart I wept, feeling the sweetness of that Reunion.

The funny thing is, about an hour before falling on the floor sobbing, I took this photo of myself, and I named it “teja_bhakti.” At the time, I didn’t understand why I named the photo that, since I wasn’t feeling any more devotional than usual, but once I fell into Love with Rama again, I realized the significance of the photo’s name. Indeed, I am back in Rama Bhakti, the Devotion to Ram. I am thinking about Rama and Sita’s Pure Love and understanding the devotion between them.

I am thinking of Gandhi-ji, and how he uttered “He Rama,” which means “Oh God,” even as his assassin shot him in the chest. And I am also thinking of my Guru, Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, and how he said “Ram” repeatedly throughout his days.  During my little bout of issues with Rama, I tried to tell myself that Gandhi-ji and Neem Karoli Baba-ji loved Rama, so I should too, but that didn’t work because I needed to find it for myself. Now that I have found the Love for Rama in my heart once again, I feel so relieved. Jai Sri Rama!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Bhakti by Teja Shankara.

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Brahmacharya is a Sanskrit word that is used in several ways. In the context of this blog post, it means taking the vow of celibacy to focus purely on spiritual studies and practices. A Brahmachari is a male (and Brahmacharini a female) who observes sexual abstinence and devotes one’s life to surrendering to God. To read a much more detailed description, click on the word “Brahmacharya” above to link with the Wikipedia page.

I am a western yogini who is straddling two worlds. For several years I have been longing to renounce and be a sannyasini (female renunciate, like a nun in western terms), but I have not been able to take the required brahmacharini vow because of the strong seductive pull of the romantic lilas. “Lila” is a Sanskrit word that means “divine play” or “divine sport.” All of our human interactions can be viewed as lilas – as “God playing or sporting with God.” (For an entertaining read about some of my romantic lilas, in the context of me learning to apply spiritual teachings to break free from an addictive love pattern, check out my spiritual memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, by my former pen name, Rita Ann Shankara.)

My spiritual teacher, who is named Basil in my books, left his body in July 2009, at a time when I was already going through some intense heartbreak. That would have been a really good time to take the brahmacharini vow, but I just wasn’t ready yet. Instead, despite all that I’d learned on the yoga path, I sought to escape all the grief and pain through some unhealthy romantic lilas. After nearly a full year of that, I realized that I needed to take the brahmacharini vow. For the first time, I knew that I could commit to at least six months, and maybe even twelve months. After taking the brahmacharya vow, I spoke with several women who had taken the same vow in the past, and they had really great experiences with it. Two of the women had started out like me, committing to a small bit of time, and then they just kept extending that time, until each of them ended up being brahmacharinis for 4 years.

Many modern brahmacharis commit to the vow for life, such as Mahatma Gandhi. He embraced the vow permanently at age 38. Swami Vivekananda spoke clearly about the importance of taking the vow for a minimum of 12 years! He said, “That power comes to him who observes unbroken Brahmacharya for a period of twelve years, with the sole object of realizing God. I have practiced that kind of Brahmacharya myself, and so a screen has been removed, as it were, from my brain.” (Wikipedia, on Brahmacharya.)

After I took the vow, I felt so great for over one month. I felt incredibly centered in my own being and in my own energies. I experienced many deep states of Bliss. I remembered again and again that the only True Bliss Channel is INSIDE, and I understood clearly that looking for Bliss externally brings inevitable sorrows.

But then, about ten days ago, the sorrow in my heart rose up again. No amount of intellectual rationalizing could stop me from crying. As I cried, I mentally reviewed the situation over and over again: ‘I’m in love with someone who I can’t be with, and the lilas involved in that situation were draining my energies. I want to surrender to God and give my life to serving others, and that is hard to do when I’m distracted by the magnetic pull of the lilas. I need to remember that I took the last name Shankara in order to be a bride of Shiva. It is my intention to keep my attention on the Highest Light.’

So, even with the brahmacharya vow, I continue to straddle two worlds. Last night I bowed down before my Gurus (Neem Karoli Baba and Ammachi), and asked for Acceptance of what IS. I’m a western yogini who aspires to renounce, but clearly isn’t ready to do so! I guess I just have to accept that I’m a sannyasini-wannabe!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja in sorrow by Teja Shankara’s ten-year-old son.

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The Name Rama (also called Ram) has been very special to me for several years. I can’t remember exactly when my Guru, Sri Sri Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji found me, but I’m guessing it was almost six years ago. Neem Karoli Baba left his body in 1973, when I was three years old, living on a farm in Indiana, so I did not meet him in person. Rather, he came to me in dreams, and I read many books about him. I have also experienced his Presence through the kirtan artists who did spend time with Maharaj-ji in India: Krishna Das, Jai Uttal, and Bhagavan Das. I consider those three to be my spiritual brothers, and I bow to each of them with immense gratitude for the potent and transformative healing chants that they share with the world.

Since my association with Neem Karoli Baba began, I have felt strongly drawn to Rama, Sita, and Hanuman, the main characters of The Ramayana, the famous epic tale that was channeled in ancient India by the Sanskrit poet-sage Valmiki.

About five years ago, I read a short, sweet version of The Ramayana, which was kind of like reading the CliffsNotes. I recommend this book for those who just want to hear the basic story and see the beautiful illustrations by B.G. Sharma. Written by Ranchor Prime, it is entitled The Ramayana: A Tale of Gods and Demons (Mandala Publishing, San Rafael, CA, 2001, 2004).

In the spring of 2009, I was blessed to attend a weekend kirtan retreat with Jai Uttal (and tablas player Daniel Paul) at Breitenbush Hotsprings. Each evening, Jai told us stories from The Ramayana, adding his hilarious modern-day touches along the way. Inspired by his fabulous storytelling, and hungry to dive deeper into the ancient tale, I asked him which version to read next. He suggested The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003).

A few months ago I began reading that version, and I carried the book with me in June when I went to see Ammachi at her ashram near San Ramon, California. One morning there, while watching Amma give hugs, a young man sitting behind me spotted my book, and he struck up a conversation with me. He lives in America now, but he grew up in India, and his parents still live in India. He was curious to know what I thought about Rama sending Sita away in the last book of The Ramayana. I said that I hadn’t gotten to that part yet in this version, but I was familiar with the storyline, and I just accepted it. He said that he believes it is important, as spiritual seekers, to question everything, including Rama’s actions. He said that when he asked his mother about why Rama sent Sita away, she said that Rama did what he had to do in his role as a king ten thousand years ago. (Give or take a few thousand years.) At the time, I didn’t feel any conflict within myself about Rama’s actions.

About a week after returning home from Amma’s, my boys and I watched the very creative film Sita Sings the Blues, made by American artist Nina Paley. (Click on the film title here to view the movie on YouTube.) I very much enjoyed this comical version of The Ramayana, and I still did not feel any question about the love for Rama inside my heart.

But then I came to certain parts in Ramesh Menon’s Ramayana, and suddenly I began to feel some discomfort with certain things that Rama said and did. I am not sure if these parts are true to the original Valmiki Ramayana, or if they are influenced by Ramesh Menon’s interpretation, but I will share them here because they are the cause of my current issues with Rama.

The part of me that is uncomfortable with conflict just wants to resolve this as quickly as possible. That part of me says, “It is just your ego talking – how can you, with your limited state of mind, question Rama, a Divine Incarnation?” That part of me believes that Neem Karoli Baba-ji and Gandh-ji had total devotion to Rama for good reasons, and so, based on their Love of Rama, I could also just keep loving Rama with total devotion. But then I remember what the young man said to me at Amma’s. He said that when issues come up for us, even issues with God, we can’t just trust what others say – even what the saints say – but rather, we have to resolve the issues within our own hearts.

So now I will outline my issues with Rama, with quotes from Ramesh Menon's Ramayana. I welcome feedback on these points.

After the demon king Ravana kidnaps Rama’s wife Sita, Rama grieves the loss of his beloved. His grief is almost unbearable, and were it not for the support and encouragement of his brother, Lakshmana, Rama might have perished from the grief. Before I took the brahmacharya celibacy vow one month ago, I found Rama’s grief to be charming, as I could totally relate to the deep sorrow involved in that longing for union. However, since taking the vow of brahmacharini, I see Rama’s grief as borderline pathetic! (Soon I will write a blog about my experience with taking brahmacharya.)

Then, during the war, when Rama thinks Lakshmana is dead, he cries out, “Lakshmana, how will I live when you are gone? I may find another Sita if I comb the earth, but I will never find another Lakshmana.” What? After all that grief over Sita, now he says he can replace her if he combs the earth? Now he loves Lakshmana more than Sita?

Then, after the war, he speaks coldly to Sita, saying: “I came because of dharma…. Do not think for a moment, Sita, that I came for your sake.” What? Ouch. That must have cut Sita’s heart like a knife. So then, bold as she was, she steps into the flames of a huge fire to prove her purity. The Lord Brahma appears and tells Rama that Rama is the Lord Vishnu Incarnate and Sita is the Goddess Lakshmi Incarnate… AND, Agni Deva, the God of Fire Himself, gives Sita to Rama unsinged and tells Rama that Sita is purer than he (Agni) is!

So then, Rama says to Sita, “Forgive me, my love, that I was so cruel to you. Not for a moment did I doubt your chastity.” Oy! Yes he did doubt her.

Then, once back in their kingdom in Ayodhya, when the people doubt Sita’s purity, instead of Rama saying, “Look, I am an Avatar of Vishnu and Sita is Lakshmi, and Agni did not burn her since she is so pure,” he said that it was the dharma of a king to keep his honor for the people. He says, “… I brought her home to Ayodhya, knowing she was perfectly untainted, in body and mind. But the people are not convinced. They judge her by their own lives, their own beliefs.” So then he tells Lakshmana, “… a king’s first dharma is to his subjects. Take Sita to the Rishi Valmiki’s asrama and leave her there.” He knew that she was pregnant (with their twin sons), but he didn’t stand up for her at all?

Although Rama did suffer tremendously over his grief at sending Sita away, he held firm to following his dharma, saying, “A king’s only dharma is the welfare of his people. They must rule whatever I do; my life belongs to them.”

Then, years later, at a big forest sacrifice gathering, his sons, Lava and Kusa, sing The Ramayana, and, hearing his own story, Rama realizes that these are his sons. So then he asks for Sita to come and swear an oath of purity for the sake of their sons’ future! The Great Rishi (Sage) Valmiki says, “Rama, you abandoned this Sita, who is purity itself, near my asrama. You were afraid of what the world thought of her and said of her. Why, it seems to me you doubt her yourself, that you ask her to come here and swear an oath.” So Rama tells Valmiki that he never doubted Sita’s purity, but he still asks her to come swear the oath.

So! Bhumi Devi, the Earth Goddess Herself, takes Sita back, proving Sita’s purity once and for all. Rama sobs and roars in fury at the Earth. He’s so enraged that Brahma has to appear to console him, saying, “Calm yourself, Rama. Sita is in Nagaloka, with her mother. You will find her again, after this life.”

After Sita left the world, Rama kept his kanchana (golden) Sita with him and he never even looked at another woman. Now this level of devotion and integrity I can totally respect, given my propensity (in the PAST) to attract men of the polyamorous persuasion.

Rama ruled for ten or eleven thousand years (depending on your source), and it was a time of utter grace on earth, but after Sita left the world, “he himself was always lonely, and pined for her.” Again, I’m inclined to use the word “pathetic,” but then I guess that is how jivas (individual souls) are, when we forget our Union with Shiva (God). But why did Rama forget, even after Lord Brahma told him clearly that he, Rama, was an Avatar of Lord Vishnu? Some say he forgot because, like us, he was in a human body living in the world, and like us, he regularly forgot his Divinity, and like us, he suffered because of that forgetfulness.

Then, when Rama has to banish Lakshmana to fulfill an agreement with Yama (Death), he again shows more love for Lakshmana than for Sita. Menon writes, “He was more stricken, even, than when he had sent Sita away from Ayodhya.”

After all the grief and loss, the story has a very cool ending. When it is time for Rama to leave this world, he becomes Vishnu again: “Rama melted into that light; he was that light.” And all the people who were devoted to him (Ramabhaktas), followed him out of this world: “In waves, like a river flowing into the sea, that throng of Ramabhaktas walked into the Sarayu. As soon as the holy water touched them, their mortal bodies dissolved and they rose up in resplendent forms of light…. When the last of his bhaktas has ascended, Rama himself rose out of this world…. And there, Sita, who is the Devi Lakshmi, waited for him.”

So the story has a good ending, but it left me feeling very conflicted about Rama’s actions. Was he indeed the perfect man? Some say yes, because, for a king in that age, his dharma to his people was impeccable. I’m not yet convinced, but I long to restore the feeling of Love and Devotion for Rama in my heart.

I highly recommend Ramesh Menon’s Ramayana. It is so beautifully and poetically written. Even with all this inner turmoil going on inside me about Rama, I intend to begin reading Menon’s Ramayana again very soon.

Lately I have been doing some forgiveness work, with the intention of forgiving a few people in my life, and with the intention of forgiving myself. So I say, out loud, “Teja, I accept your choices. I forgive you. I love you.” (I also say that to the other beings I am intending to forgive.) Somehow I need to come to the place where I feel resolved with Rama in my heart, so that I can sing his name loudly again. Perhaps soon I will be able to say, “Rama, I accept your choices. I forgive you. I love you.”

I offer this blog article to Sri Sri Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, Beloved Guru of Endless Grace. Oh Maharaj-ji, please help me to reunite with Rama in my heart. Please let me again feel the Fire of God and the Ocean of Grace merging in Sita-Ram. Please may this reading and contemplation of The Ramayana cleanse my soul of all impurities.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Fire and Ocean by Teja Shankara.

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Photo by Ashley Marie - CC license

We create our realities with our thoughts. Cultivating the witness, that part of our minds that objectively watches everything we are, allows us to clearly see all of our thoughts. Through the power of watching our thoughts, we gradually change the way we perceive the world. We shift from viewing the world as a serious court of justice to seeing this universe as a joyous playground. Like gleeful children, we get to play and celebrate during this lifetime we've been given. On the playground we enjoy ourselves fully, even if sometimes we scrape our knees or get our hearts broken! No matter what pains we go through, we can't let the heartbreaks keep us from opening up and having a good time on the playground.

Here is a bit of news from the fun I'm having lately on the Tejaswini Playground ~

~ The first 11 days of July were filled with summer fun, as my entire family gathered for a visit in Ashland. We shared many joyful moments eating meals, sipping tea in the yard, and
traveling to the Oregon coast for my older son’s 13^th birthday. I am now the mama of a teenager… and his younger brother, who is 10 going on 18. They are so much fun now ~ I am really enjoying these ages. We all love hip hop music, so we had a great time seeing my brother perform live hip hop in Ashland. (My bro’s website: www.mctill.com) With all the excitement of the visit, it was challenging for me to maintain my daily spiritual practices, but I did manage to do shorter versions of them each day. (To begin spiritual practices yourself or to refresh the practices you already do, check out my pocket book, Radiance Rising: Spiritual Practices for Daily Living.)

~ One of the highlights of this family visit was spending time with my sister-in-law, who I dedicated Radiance Rising to… She is currently enrolled in a Yoga teacher training, and we enjoyed talking about spiritual practices, yoga, Reiki, and so on. I am totally in love with her because she is so open, so inquisitive, and so enthusiastic. She is a bright light and I really enjoyed soaking in her radiance.

~ The weekly Radiance Rising circles continue to be sweet as ever. I was looking forward to offering them at Mystic Garden Party, but then I learned that entheogenics is going to be a focus at that festival, so I cancelled my workshops there. (For the story on that, go to: http://yogini-bliss.com/106-teja-news-in-brief-july-2010.html)

~ I’m still reading The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic, by Ramesh Menon. I’m on page 557 of 686 pages, so I’m getting there! There are so many potent lessons in it. For example, when Lord Brahma offered Vibheeshana a boon, that gentle rakshasa asked for the following: “Grant me that my mind remains steadfast and virtuous in the midst of life’s greatest trials…. May every thought that enters my mind, during every stage of my life, be of dharma. Let me fulfill my dharma, however hard it is. For if a man has dharma, he has everything.”

~ Saturday night, during the two-day Conscious Convergence (go to www.commonpassion.org for more info. on that), I attended a planetary fire puja, a ritual led by Debi Sheetz, in which we chanted many vedic mantras to the planets, to help increase the positive aspects of what is happening right now astrologically. After the puja, we shared in a delightful potluck, with sweet salads of strawberries, blueberries, mangos, and avocados. I brought a really yummy coconut rice pudding. Watch for that vegan recipe on this Teja Blog soon. 

~ This past week I’ve been making an effort to go out in the yard and sit under the stars at night. My teacher, who left his body last July 21^st, often said that we should all do more stargazing, as it helps us to have a bigger perspective on time and space, and it helps us to understand our place in the scheme of things. Although my grief has shifted recently, and I’m not crying anymore, I do still miss my teacher a lot, and I honor him greatly this week, as Wednesday marks the year since his passing. Thank you Yogi Shambho, for all that you gifted me with.

~ I close this newsletter with a wonderful poem by Lalla, a naked mystic from medieval Kashmir:

The soul, like the moon,
is new, and always new again.

And I have seen the ocean
continuously creating.

Since I scoured my mind
and my body, I too, Lalla,
am new, each moment new.

My teacher told me one thing,
Live in the soul.

When that was so,
I began to go naked,
and dance.

(From Lalla: Naked Song, translations by Coleman Barks, Maypop Publishing.)

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

http://www.facebook.com/tejashankara

Photo of sunflower in brother’s garden by Teja Shankara.

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While driving south to attend the Insight Prison Project’s training, and also to see Ammachi, I delighted in the car’s Cruise Control function. What a relief it is once you put that cruise control on, and you can just relax and not have to think about the acceleration part of driving. It is such a cool feeling when the cruise control takes over and you feel the pedal pull away from your foot.

Somehow I managed to take a photo of the bright green cruise control light on the dashboard. (Perhaps I managed because I had less to think about with the cruise control on!) As I drove along appreciating the cruise control, I started thinking of it as a metaphor for the Guru or God. I thought, ‘Gurus are like cruise control – they carry you along at the right speed!’

The Sanskrit word “Guru” literally means “that which takes one from darkness to Light.” Some people take an external Guru to guide them, such as I have done with Amma and Neem Karoli Baba. Others find their Guru through Nature or through God or through other teachers. And, the guru function can come through any of us, anytime.

The ultimate goal of all Gurus is to lead us to our inner Guru, our inner teacher or guide. The external Guru merely puts up a mirror for us to see our own Beauty. All the true Spiritual Masters of the world have said and continue to say the same thing: we each have to directly experience that in our true essence, we are each one with the Light. As Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is within you.”

May we all be led from darkness to light. May we each experience the inner Bliss and the Self-Love that comes from directly knowing our inner Beauty.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Cruise Control by Teja Shankara

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Ammachi, popularly known as the “hugging saint,” is one of the world’s top religious/spiritual leaders, alongside the Pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Grand Rabbi of Israel, the Grand Ayatollah, and the Dalai Lama. Her international ashram in Kerala, India, is home to more than 3,000 people, and her humanitarian organization, Embracing the World, serves the poor and suffering in India and around the world. Twice each year, Amma tours the U.S., where her main center is located just outside of San Ramon, California. (www.amma.org)

In June, 2006, I began seeing Amma and receiving her darshan ~ literally the word “darshan” means a vision of a holy person, and with Amma it also means a hug!

Over the course of the eight pilgrimages I have made to receive Amma’s darshan and blessings, I have noticed a cumulative effect with her hugs, with her spiritual teachings, and with her Grace appearing in my life.

It is difficult for me to explain my relationship with Amma. By now I have many darshan stories to share, but for this blog post, I will just tell one story. Of all the meaningful embraces with Amma, this one really blew me open.

It was during the Devi Bhava night, the special night when Amma dresses as the Divine Mother and many people stay up all night watching her give hugs until the morning light. At midnight I sat in the snack shop drinking coffee and laughing with other devotees. Then at 3:30am, it was time for my darshan, so I got in the line heading up to the small Indian woman adorned in a purple, gold, and orange sari. (Usually Amma wears white, but on Devi Bhava nights she wears a colorful shimmering sari.)

When I first got into the darshan line I didn’t feel at all nervous. I was enjoying the bhajans (devotional songs with traditional Indian instruments), and I felt really connected to everything and everyone. But, as I got closer to the stage, my hands got sweaty and my heart was beating faster, and I was shaking. I felt like the force of Amma’s Shakti (spiritual power) could blow me off the stage into outer space! I suspected that there would be some special shakti in this particular darshan experience, and I was right.

As they plunged me into the fragrant carnation garland around her chest, I heard Amma saying into my ear, “My daughter, my daughter, my daughter,” and then it all happened so fast: Amma gave me an apple, and the attendants rushed me to take the prasad (a blessed chocolate kiss and rose petals) from Amma, and then all of a sudden, without planning to, I looked at Amma and said, “Can I touch your feet?” Amma said, “Okay,” in the cute voice that an innocent child might use, and I delighted in the sound of her voice in English. (Usually she speaks Malayalam and the Swamis translate into English.)

I went to the side and bowed, then sat down to eat the chocolate kiss. Still shaking, I kept thinking, ‘Amma gave me an apple! Amma gave me an apple!’ And then a flood of other thoughts: ‘Why did she give me an apple? Can I really receive an apple from the Mother of the Universe? Do I really deserve this apple?’ and so on… Later a friend told me that Amma probably gave me the apple as a way to recognize all of my hard work.

It took me a couple of days to eat that apple. Sitting in the sunshine by the pond, I slowly ate the apple. I saved the seeds to plant someday.

As I continue my daily spiritual practices, I feel hugely boosted by that time with Amma. Though I don’t understand yet fully with my mind, I sense that she gave me a whole lot more than just a piece of fruit when she placed that apple in my hand. I am so grateful for all that I have received, and all that I continue to receive from Amma.

Ten percent of every sale and donation on this website store goes to Amma’s charitable organizations. With the dozens of humanitarian projects of Embracing the World, there are no paid staff members, so all of the money goes directly to help the poor and suffering.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja with apple from Amma by Teja Shankara.

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The Tejaswini Playground Press

Photo by Ashley Marie - CC license

We create our realities with our thoughts. Cultivating the witness, that part of our minds that objectively watches everything we are, allows us to clearly see all of our thoughts. Through the power of watching our thoughts, we gradually change the way we perceive the world. We shift from viewing the world as a serious court of justice to seeing this universe as a joyous playground. Like gleeful children, we get to play and celebrate during this lifetime we've been given. On the playground we enjoy ourselves fully, even if sometimes we scrape our knees or get our hearts broken! No matter what pains we go through, we can't let the heartbreaks keep us from opening up and having a good time on the playground.

Here is a bit of news from the fun I'm having lately on the Tejaswini Playground ~

~ Well, I’ve been having so much fun that I’m way behind on sending out this June newsletter! So much has happened since I last wrote on May 14^th. In this newsletter I will share the highlights and then I’ll write more in depth about it all in a series of blog posts. Speaking of the Teja Blog, I am now posting these monthly newsletters on the blog as a way to share them with more people and also as a way to archive them on-line.

~ The first week of June I attended a training in San Rafael through the Insight Prison Project. We learned a curriculum to use when facilitating groups of offenders and victims, and we spent a whole day inside San Quentin Prison. Watch for a blog about this experience. It was totally inspiring!

~ When the prison training ended I headed to see Ammachi for a few days. Amma tours the U.S. twice each year, and her main center is in Castro Valley, just outside of San Ramon, California. (www.amma.org) This was one of my most potent and memorable experiences with Amma. I will be writing more about it on the Teja Blog soon. The highlight was Amma giving me an apple!

~ While at Amma’s ashram, I meditated on a health issue, and received guidance to see Dr. Paul Romanoff, a chiropractor who offers sessions at the ashram when Amma is there. The healing sessions with him were amazing, and he recommended that I continue the healing process in Ashland with Dr. Mike Young, a local chiropractor. For the past two weeks my focus has been on healing at the physical level: spending lots of time in the sunshine, breathing, and releasing a charge of energy that I’ve held inside for a while now. I feel super grateful for this healing journey of release.

~ While gone on my trip south, I really missed the weekly Radiance Rising Circles, and I was so happy to return to them! One of the attendees said that he felt like mommy was back! I said it must’ve been Amma coming through me. :)

~ I’m still reading The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic, by Ramesh Menon. I’m on page 458 of 686 pages, and I’ve been immersed in the gory stories of the war for a while now… 65 more pages of the war to go, and I am really ready to be through with that part! I am noticing my discomfort with conflict and with violence in general, and reading through it anyway. They say that reading or hearing the Ramayana purifies and cleanses the soul, and I am definitely experiencing that. What a blessing.

~ Here is one of my favorite quotes that I heard Amma say this time:

Be like flowers – flowers have so many good qualities, and they have no pride and no ego.

~ July 21-26, I will be offering workshops at the Mystic Garden Party in Corning, California. See my listing under the Devotional Dome at this link: http://mysticgardenparty.com/workshops/all-bios/

~ Lastly, if you haven’t yet seen the hilarious videos of my friend Pete and I giving each other  buzz cuts, be sure to treat yourself to that entertainment soon! www.buzz-for-bliss.com

May you enjoy the spicy summer playground of your life.

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

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