Ahh, the last day of the year. As I wrote in a previous blog (“Spiritual Purification through Releasing Impurities”), I picked the angel card Release for the Year 2011, and it has been quite a challenging year filled with much emotional release! This final month I focused on consciously releasing as much as possible, so I can begin the New Year free from all blockages to living in dharmic right livelihood. So wouldn’t you know, for this last week of the year, I picked the angel card Freedom…

And this last week I have let go of so many more things, concepts, ideals, plans… I even let go of organizing the ShivaRatri event that was scheduled for February 19^th, 2012… I am sure my Beloved Husband Lord Shiva will understand, since He is the Bliss that arises from letting go of all attachments and expectations!

So I say Good Riddance 2011… and Welcome 2012! May all beings be Free and Blissed-out inside the One Radiance…

Happy New Year 2012 to all… Om Namah Shivaya! I bow to Lord Shiva, who is Pure Consciousness and Pure Bliss.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Shiva image adapted from a wallpaper on aboutshiva.com

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There is a living angel walking in our midst. Meet Michael Meade: author, mythologist, and storyteller extraordinaire. Gratefully, I have been blessed to experience his great work a number of times, in Ashland and also at the Beloved Festival (2009). Last week, I watched his latest video, “Voices of Veterans: A Welcome Home Ceremony”, and I was moved to tears… not just a few tears, but uncontrollable sobbing.

Why was I crying so much while watching this ten-minute video? Well, I was crying in general for all the pain and suffering created by wars; for all the men and women who endure the horrors of war and for all their families who must endure the nightmarish effects of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) after the soldiers return home. When I really tune in to all that suffering, I cannot stop crying… and in the first few minutes of the video, Michael Meade says something that strikes a really deep chord in me. He says, “We’re trying to reduce the suffering that’s inside the veterans, and we’re also trying to spread it, I’m sorry to tell you, into the community. Don’t take too much, but if everybody takes a little bit, then they have less to carry.” When I heard that, I felt as if he was talking directly to my compassionate heart.

I am happy to cry for the veterans, especially if my tears might just help relieve some of their pain… And, I wasn’t just crying in general… I was also crying because the one I love (but cannot be with) served almost a year in Vietnam, and I was crying for his pain. All of his experiences in Vietnam (at least the ones he shared with me) came rushing back into my mind, and I was overwhelmed with the desire to take that pain away and somehow make it better. Even though we are no longer in physical contact, I will always love him and I pray that someday, some way, all that war pain will release and he will experience deep, profound healing. 

I am so grateful for all the healing work that Michael Meade is doing with the veterans. Truly a living angel, he is shining light in a realm of darkness. May his work ripple out and out and out, touching the lives and hearts of all veterans everywhere. May their pain be lessened.

May all beings be healed in the Light.

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of angel on Teja’s faux fir tree taken by Teja Shankara.

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Do you ever feel strange, like you are simultaneously here and not really here? It is difficult to explain the experience in words, but it is something I have noticed since I was in high school. Back then I felt completely scared and freaked out by the sensation, so I went to the priest and told him about it. He gave me chocolate candies and soothing words, which comforted me, but then when I got to college, I again felt freaked out by feeling like I wasn’t really here, even though I knew I was here…

So, at that stage in the journey, I went to the university’s health clinic and signed up for some free counseling sessions with a psychology intern. He listened and diagnosed me with a “depersonalization disorder.” I can’t remember what I thought of that with my young 19-year-old brain, and I can’t remember if I did anything about it, except to continue trying to find depth and connection through alcohol and other bad habits…

This past week I have been feeling that strangeness again, only this time I have nearly a decade’s worth of studying Yogic philosophy in my brain, so I don’t feel afraid. Instead, I am thinking “Well, isn’t this an interesting experience!” Remembering that counselor’s assessment, that I was disconnecting from my personality, I now see that it is a normal – and welcome – part of the spiritual process of allowing the ego/personality to fall away so that the soul can radiate love in all directions. 

Experiencing different levels of consciousness simultaneously is nothing to be afraid of, if you have the proper framework for understanding the sensations. When I gaze at a basket full of bright holiday cheer, at the level of the physical senses I may feel delight, but that’s not all that’s going on in my multi-layered being… At the level of the soul, I might be traveling in and out of several dimensions in just a few seconds! It is like that for all of us, whether we are aware of it or not.

As my beloved teacher David La Chapelle would say, there’s a lot more going on (all the time) than what we see.

May all fear be cast away from the human species. May all beings dissolve into warm, bright Love. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of holiday cheer by Teja Shankara.

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On the last day of November, I sat down and wrote the following in my journal: “Ahh, thankfully only one more month of this year of Release! (I picked the angel card, Release, for the Year 2011, and this year has indeed required almost constant release work.) My intention for the month of December is to release as many impurities as possible: to release negativities, fears, anxieties, cravings, attachments, desires, sorrows, expectations, confusions, and delusions, so that I will be more clear for meaningful work in the world to come through.”

So then, after writing that, I got a cup of strong mate-black tea with coconut milk, lit a candle, and opened the book I am currently reading: Be Love Now by Ram Dass. Amazingly, I read the following: “We can’t mask impurities for very long. When we suppress or repress them, they gain energy. Eventually we all have to deal with our same old karmic obstacles… kama (lust), krodh (anger), moha (confusion), lobh (greed)… the spectrum of impulses and desires… This clearing out opens the door for dharma, for being in harmony with the laws of the universe…” (Later in the book, Ram Dass describes “the dharma” as “the perfect harmony of God’s will and the human mind.”)

Well, after reading the same thing that I had just written in my journal, I was just in total awe of the synchronicities of the universe… And then, it got even better: a few days later, I picked my angel card for this week, and got Purification. Yes, Beloved Universe, I noticed the perfection of that one!

Today I am embracing the spiritual purification that is happening in my being this week. I may not like all the emotions that are clearing out, but I am standing firmly in the process, saying “Yes! Please release everything that is blocking me from living the dharma. My intention for 2012 is to live simply in happiness, health, and dharma. I visualize dharmic right livelihood arising from releasing all blockages to Harmony between this human mind and the Will of the Universe!” May it be so.

And you, what are your intentions for the New Year? 

May all beings live in harmony on this sacred, sacred earth. 

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Purification angel card on Teja’s kitchen table taken by Teja Shankara.

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O Sacred Mt. Shasta,
I am praying for Divine Grace!

May all the beings in all the worlds be happy and at peace.

Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. Om Shanti Shanti Shantihi.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of Mt. Shasta and Teja’s barefeet on Shasta taken by Teja Shankara.

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My son Gabe took this amazing photo of the sun setting up on Mt. Ashland, the night of the Full Moon in July… After that night of speaking my intentions to the Full Moon, I posted a blog article entitled “Allowing Intentions to Manifest through the “I don’t know” Mantra!” Well, since writing that article, the hilarious (and sometimes not so hilarious) internal conversations have continued, and this morning the hilarity (and despair) of it all has prompted me to write the following article…

There are many “correct” expressions in the world of “manifesting intentions” – you’ve probably heard these a zillion times: “Follow your bliss and the money will follow.” “If you are in the flow, the Universe will support you.” “When one door closes, another door opens.” Well, what if these expressions were true in the 70’s and 80’s, and perhaps even in the 90’s, but they aren’t so true in this world of the present decade (whatever it’s called)? I mean, there are a lot more people on the planet now, and the gap between the rich and the poor has grown exponentially. There are nearly 1 billion people starving on this planet earth – are they finding open doors? 

Perhaps, with 7 billion people on the planet, if we were all truly “in the flow”, then the Universe would support us all, but that support would look quite different from the current state of affairs in which a small minority is very, very wealthy, while the masses are growing poorer each day. It is difficult to even contemplate this subject, because whether or not you are currently financially stable, when you read this article, perhaps you feel hopeless to help the situation in any positive way. I myself do not know the answers. I am simply sharing what is on my mind today. Please feel free to comment in the section below this article, and/or you can email me anytime: teja@yogini-bliss.com

May all beings have food, clothing, shelter, and peaceful sleep each night.

Om Shanti (Peace), 

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of sunset on Mt. Ashland taken by Teja’s son Gabe.

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Photo by Ashley Marie - CC License

On this playground of life, we get to choose how we spend our time: we can choose to run around doing things that lower our vibrations, OR we can choose to commit to regular, daily spiritual practices that raise our vibrations. Each small change that we make within ourselves then ripples out and benefits all of Creation. This year I intend to help raise the vibration of the human species, through my work as a cheerleader for spiritual practices. (This paragraph is repeated each month for emphasis, since this is the theme for the 2011 newsletters.)

Here is some recent news from the playground of my life ~

~ Over the past month, I have begun to experience the joy of de-cluttering my living space. Please read my blog articles about this: “Humor & Gratitude with Clearing Out Clutter!” and “Barefoot Vegan Yogini is Moving Out Clutter!” 

~ This summer continues to be very full and richly abundant in many ways. In the midst of it all, I strengthened my Gratitude muscle by reading and reviewing Café Gratitude’s recipe book ~ “Teja’s Review of I Am Grateful: Recipes & Lifestyle of Café Gratitude, by Terces Engelhart with Orchid”

~ What does the word “fun” mean to you now, in this phase of your life? That is a question I’ve been pondering lately. I think you might enjoy the blog article I wrote about that: “What the word “fun” means now to this vegan yogini…”  I would love to hear your comments on this topic, so please send me an email when you get a free moment: teja@yogini-bliss.com

~ One of the funnest parts of my summer was taking my boys, ages 11 and 14, home to visit family in the Midwest. We met my new niece Zoe, and we spent time with my nearly 97-year-old Grandma. My parents took us to a city zoo, where we rented a swan paddleboat on a green lake. Soon I will publish a blog article about my experience with the birds at that zoo. On our last day of the visit, my brother and his family took us to the Cincinnati Whole Foods Market, which was fun for my sons who have been watching a rather fun video called “Whole Foods Parking Lot”  

~ The day after returning to Ashland, I gave Reiki healing sessions in the Healing Sanctuary at the Peace Village Festival. It was so wonderful for me to spend that time immersed in the Loving Energy that is Reiki, but then I spent some time at the festival, and my system became overwhelmed by all of the ganja (marijuana) energies and entities that were swirling all around me. Feeling exhausted and headachey from those energies, I took refuge in the Goddess Temple. Even though I had been one of the founding members of the Goddess Temple of Ashland, due to the craziness of my life lately, I had not been in the temple since the opening day on March 19^th, 2011. It was such an amazing homecoming for me: I lay down on the carpet for a long time, and I felt so incredibly held by the Mother. It felt as though the Divine Mother’s nurturing energies were cradling me in sweet embrace, soothing all the distressed energies I had unfortunately taken in from the ganja vibrations of the festival.

~ Recently I purchased a massage table, and I will be offering Reiki healing sessions in people’s homes under my new business name, Radiance Rising Reiki. Please stay tuned for more information on this! 

~ Yesterday my dear friend Jill and I traveled down to Mt. Shasta for a wonderful Amma Satsang under the trees on the mountain. Before the bhajans (devotional songs) began, we hiked up to a gorgeous spring. On that hike, I felt as though my barefeet were receiving energies and information from the stones and soil and waters. So much fun!

~ On this great playground of life, I wish you much fun on your journey.

May all beings everywhere know the Deep Joy that arises from having some good healthy fun!

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja, Zak, and Gabe in the Peace Swan taken by Teja’s Mom; photo of view from Shasta spring taken by Teja Shankara.

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A couple of days ago, before going to give a Reiki healing session, I was blessed to receive the darshan (“vision” or blessing by a holy being) of a red dragonfly in my yard. Like a small child, I became very excited when I saw that being, and so I began talking to it in a very animated way, and for the next thirty minutes, we connected soul-to-soul. That little being looked in my eyes and flew around flirting with me! And when I ran inside to get the camera, it seemed very pleased and flitted around in different poses for me! I share those photos with you here, so that you may also receive the red dragonfly darshan!

Remembering that everything and everyone is connected in one, continuous web of energy and vibration, I walked a few blocks barefoot and gave a wonderfully warm and loving Reiki energy healing session.

May all beings know how interconnected we all are… 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photos of red dragonfly darshan taken by Teja Shankara.

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My dear friend Jill accompanied me for the drive home from Amma’s ashram in June… Before leaving Amma’s Field, I had set an intention to be happy as I returned home, because when I returned home from Amma’s in November, I was quite unhappy since I was feeling really “done” with living in Ashland, Oregon (after 18 years here!), but I can’t move away just yet since my boys have seven more years of schooling in this town… As I drove into town that cold November night, I was overcome by a long, uncontrollable sobbing cry… But this time, after a totally amazing time of transformation with Amma, I was feeling happy and strong in my center again.

As we drove over the mountain pass and into the sunny town, I told Jill that I felt as though the time with Amma, and that happy drive home, were like a “reset” button. I felt as though I got myself back, and I felt ready to begin this final Ashland chapter with a much better attitude. With deep Gratitude, I cultivated the witness and saw all this Bliss and Love surrounding me and my family. Energized to share all that Love with others, I joyfully returned to Ashland… And I am grateful to report that after being home for over one month now, I am still feeling the Amma Love and still feeling quite happy and centered inside my own being.

Jai MA! Victory to the Divine Mother!

May all beings everywhere know Happiness and Peace.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Blissful with Mt. Shasta behind her taken by Jill Rothman. Photo of Teja’s feet heading home taken by Teja Shankara.

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One of the most transformative times of my life occurred this June, on the last night of my time with Amma… it was Devi Bhava night, the night when Amma dresses as the Divine Mother and many devotees stay up all night chanting, praying, and watching Amma give darshan (hugs and blessings) into the morning hours. I have stayed up all night many times for Devi Bhava, but this June I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it, since I was feeling so exhausted… but I kept praying that I would be able to do it, and my prayers were answered twenty-fold! Not only was I able to stay up all night, but in the morning I still had plenty of energy!

The evening began with a special puja (ritual worship) in which Amma blessed the water, which was then distributed to everyone present. Amma also gave a talk, in which she said the following:

“We blame fate for unexpected things, but fate is like a seed that grows into actions. Fate, in the form of a seed, becomes the thoughts that arise in the mind as repeated desires, and then those desires become actions. We can change our fate with awareness. Fate’s power only extends to the thoughts that arise in the mind as repeated desires. The seeds of our vasanas (negative tendencies) cannot grow in the Light of Awareness. When we understand the nature of worldly objects, then we lose our attraction to them. When we develop discernment, then we can destroy the negativities as they arise. We should have complete control over our minds. Strict daily routines help develop purity of actions. Constant practice awakens Awareness…. We will see the results of our practices after some time.”

Swami-ji (one of Amma’s revered teachers) then led a beautiful meditation for peace. He said that just as a flower opens up to the sun, our heart opens up to the Universe… then he said that Amma asks us all to pray for World Peace – to pray for those in Japan and other places with natural disasters… Amma says that Nature is agitated and only Divine Grace can help us… Amma asks us to pray for the Entire Creation, even our enemies… Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu ~ May all beings everywhere be happy.

As I said above, it was incredibly easy for me to stay up that whole night. So much Love filled my being and it was as if I floated through the whole night on a Bliss Cloud! Then, as the first light appeared in the sky, I took the above photo of the hills… but somehow the flash made it look as if it was still dark… and lots of little orb beings showed up in the photo!

Then, as I was leaving Amma’s Field (around 10:00am), my primary vasana (negative tendency) suddenly flared up quite strongly, and I could see it more clearly than ever before: I could see that it isn’t me – it is like a kink in my system, like an entity or structure that is separate from me. I got very angry at the vasana and in a flash of Kali-like fire, I took a no-drama vow. The details of this vow are a secret until after I complete the six months, and then I will share about it, so stay tuned here on the Teja Blog! (To read the background story of my primary vasana, please order my spiritual memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss)

May all beings commit to doing spiritual practices that help them to develop mind control and purity of actions. May we all live in Harmony together on this sacred planet earth. 

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of orbs over Amma’s hills taken by Teja Shankara. The Rita Lila book cover designed by Gaelyn Larrick.

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